Tonight, In My Dreams

by snickerdooly

Published August 2, 2011

Tonight,
in my dreams,
I dug a hole
that reached to the bowels of the Earth.

As I crawled out,
hands pulled at me
holding me down,
but I reached the surface unharmed.

Then I began to
fill the hole up
with all the hate
in my heart until there was no more.

After the hate
I started with
all my hopes,
until I found no hope left inside.

The hole was
almost full,
but one more
subject demanded a place.

All my love
filled the rest,
till I detected
not a hint of the ember like warmth in my body.

Tonight,
In my dreams,
I will dig a hole
that reaches to the highest of heavens.

Spoiler! :
Thanks for reading! I really like this poem it mean's quite a bit, mostly because it came to me in a dream which to me seemes like the coolest thing! All reviews and comments would be much appreciated!
*Don't forget to comment, review and like :)

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
Demoness
Review
Demoness wrote a review Review · Aug 12, 2011

Hey, this is cool! I like your stuly and structure of the stanzas with three short lines with great rythm and flow that ends with a longer line that keeps most of the information.

I like how your dreams seem to be just as wicked as mine... !


But back to your poem; I couldn't find any error mistakes, you keep good punctation and I like the thought of being able to just throw of all your feelings, emotions and all the rest down in a hole. I don't see why you wouldn't just throw away the bad stuff though... why rid yourself of hope for example? And love...? :( I can see how love can be painful at times, but why not just take away the bad stuff? :)

ANyhowss.. I love, love, love the last line. How a hole.. who usually go down can go so far up it reaches the highest of skies! COOL!

I'll give you 4/5 spiders for this :)

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

User avatar
June3
Comment
June3 commented Comment · Aug 11, 2011

It was good. I couldn't stop reading, it was very short and simple, which to me is a good thing. So, overall great story! keep on writing!

KnightlyAngel09 wrote a review Review · Aug 2, 2011

Hello!

Cool! From a dream? That's awesome. My dreams are alarmingly incoherent and un-poetic. I had a dream once that my toilet bowl swallowed me. I have yet to write a poem about that. HAHA.

So first, I know that it's not part of your poem and all so you might wonder why I chose to comment on it. I think you shouldn't put the picture with the piece at all. Seeing as poetry is about using words to create an image in the reader's minds, using a picture as a sort of intro to your poem feels a little like cheating. I think you should let the imagery in the poem speak for itself.

As to format, the first reviewer was right about this needing a little more punctuation. The capitalization is a little odd too. I think your formatting just has to be a little more consistent. You capitalize some lines and don't the others with no apparent structure.

Anyway, aside from that, I actually did like this poem. I feel like it lacks description more but it does have an interesting kind of... story, I guess. There's a sequence of events in the poem that made sense to me while at the same time it had some pretty good imagery. I guess that is what I like about this poem. It has a clear beginning and an end and I think you developed it fairly well. I think the only thing you can improve on would be describing things more vividly.

--Nixie

User avatar
Amberchelli
Comment
Amberchelli commented Comment · Aug 2, 2011

i really liked this, i dont do grammer reviews i leave that to someone else, but i really liked this, its awesome, althought you could make it longer, but thats just me wanting more. ;D

User avatar
confetti
Review
confetti wrote a review Review · Aug 2, 2011

I really liked this, like, really. I don't write poetry, and I don't pretend to be an expert, but I do think you could use more commas.

The hole was
almost full
but one more
subject demanded a place.

Like here, I would place a comma after 'full'.
But I suppose you could choose to not use comma's, it may be the style you are using.
What I wanted to say, was that this was a brilliant idea. It was written quite well, I didn't really notice anything aside from the comma's. Cheers mate



You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.
— Anne Lamott