still going in slow motion by soundofmind — Lyrics

soundofmind

Comment

Stickied · soundofmind commented Comment · Sep 13

A/N: This is a song I’ve sung / played and recorded. Please listen to it here before reviewing if possible!

Tikaya

Review

Tikaya wrote a review Review · Sep 26

Had this on my list too. I remember your quiz hehehe

Okay, I somehow didn’t expect the narrator to come in so hot, so strong lol
I like the line abt his name being in someone’s mouth and how uncomfortable that feels to him. I am curious why he hates it.

but i’ll be damned if i’m remembered now by anyone

Well if he doesn’t wanna be remembered at all, then going somewhere where no one is would be the only recourse. Otherwise, he’s bound to have an impact on SOMEONE.

i hope that everyone forgets every version of me

That is a beautiful line <3

Hmm I am starting to doubt we are in the headspace of a guy. Seeing themselves in the mirror and thinking of a doll…

Awww oh my, I am starting to understand why they hate their name. They just…. Hate existing in general. It doesn’t sound like they want to die, more like… they want to stop. Awww .-. That is so peculiar and interesting. Now I really want to see where their story goes and what kinda plans you have for them!
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PS: Sorry I am not in position to listen to audio. And besides, I like text more (Alex has such a beautiful NaPo Thread topic/117572-looking-for-you-arc-i-aiden-s-melancholy#p1715947 where he put up songs but I rather read than listen to music =D (You should check out the poems, they tell a mystery story!)

AlexWrites

Review

AlexWrites wrote a review Review · Sep 24

Hey there, soundofmind! I see yuuki got here with my template first lol, guess you're really getting just Alex feedback on this. I don't believe I've ever reviewed a work of yours here, but that changes today. I'm kinda surprised it took me this long lol. Hope it's at least a tad bit helpful and I don't come across as too harsh, let's get started~

I think one of my major critiques would've been the longer lines which are usually not so easily to read so effortlessly and the demanding rhyme scheme that may cause it looks forced, but with how beautiful the song sounds- all of it just melted away! I always knew you could sing and play instruments, but wow that was good. I didn't imagine getting hooked to such a specific song meant for a particular character I know nothing about, but here I am listening to it on repeat. The chorus is extremely addicting and still makes perfect sense to me. The exhaustion really gets across the screen, you've done an amazing job with this <3

Still, I'll try to dissect the individual lyrics and maybe try to comment on the singing too, but as mere audience since I don't know much about the theory of it whatsoever.

Verse 1- I loved the way it sounds rushed, building up to the main chorus. It has something to say and is definitely a good introduction to this whole self-hate theme. What's commendable is you don't tell us anything about the character's features or particulars, but just how he feels. And that stuff connects, straight to the heart. I do have mixed feelings about the lines bleeding into other, but that's just my own preference (or lack thereof) to them. I do think the vomiting-nauseous imagery is carried out consistently, even if it seems slightly repetitive. But for songs, I imagine that's a strength? I have a feeling that the incomplete lines were also meant to appeal to the ears, and I really need to stop taking this as a poetry somehow.

i don’t know what is keeping me still going in slow motion

I think this was the part that looks problematic in text since the message is a little unconventionally phrased, but it sounds catchy in the song. If it were a poem, I'd say it's just an untidy bit chosen to keep the rhyme. The meaning is pulling itself apart- is the narrator surprised how do they keep going after all that happened, or are they concerned about what has been slowly slowing them down? I feel like it's a blend of both, it just can come off as awkward unless the reader makes an extra effort to decode it.

remembered now by anyone

The way you sing this ahhh, definitely the highlight of the song that binds the entire thing together! <3

every version of me

new shape somehow

i look into my face

I love the notes you took here! Especially the change in tone with the next verse was so smooth yet different- definitely caught me by surprise, but in a good way,

dress up game
another way to orchestrate, i make myself into a liar
i hate when others see, an imprint of a memory
traces and pieces of me that i can’t take back

Love the depth this adds! But I felt the singing get a little forced here, like you're desperately trying to make it work. It could an artistic choice for the character though, and I very much like that thought!

i want to curl into a ball when i’m perceived
i’d rather forget that i have a face and take up space with my body
i wish that somehow i could leave, subjected to my existing
i want a witness and yet don’t want anyone to notice me

Oh these lyrics, sound! The dilemma and broken spirit is so vividly obvious here, it's nice how they're also simple enough that a lot of the readers are able to relate to it and that definitely enhances the impact.

All in all, this is too good sound. Some bits may have rough as a poem but as a song, it really speaks to me. The characters years of pain and obvious growth is astounding, along with the commendable beauty with which you portray it. A man with rough past but you made better choices and became better- it's nothing new but you do it justice. Your melodious voice and instrumental skills definitely shine through, and conceal any cracks the writing may have had. Thank you for sharing, this song made my day. Please keep writing and I hope I review another song of yours someday~

Love, Alex

yuuki

Review

yuuki wrote a review Review · Sep 13

These are Alex's lovely turtles, we'll be taking over from here, thank you! We're new to the job so please be kind. We'll try our best to speak in hooman language and Alex will make sure of it XD

We're not tortoises, but biofluorescent turtles!
{what catches the eye & makes it stand apart}

Tough Shell
{Best parts & favourite lines}

i want to curl into a ball when i’m perceived
i’d rather forget that i have a face and take up space with my body
i wish that somehow i could leave, subjected to my existing
i want a witness and yet don’t want anyone to notice me

I absolutely adore this line. like AHHH IT'S AMAZING and so relatable too.

Determining Temperature
{Significant aspects- Win or lose}
Not really much, the whole thing is amazing.
Reducing Plastics & Pollution
{Room for Improvement}
Again, the whole thing is amazing. I literally have no critiques.
Now excuse us, it's almost winter. We must depart for brumation. May we meet again, soundofmind! We had a great time on our first reviewing job (please give five stars to turtle service, Alex promised to give us a tasty fish as a treat if we did a good work). This has been a sea-pulling (Alex says it's compelling?) read and it was our honor to analyse it for you. We'll be more than happy to read and review more of your works when we finally wake up. But right now, sea bed calls!

still going in slow motion

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