Counting Hay

by teo

Published November 24, 2009

The count grew
Even as few went away
All of us cordially invited
I must have surely miscounted each
like illimitable strands of hay
We quietly wait, the order
of the magistrate- Speak
For finally the Judge returns to me
My fate

Comments & reviews · 2
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L!llY Masacre! Comment
L!llY Masacre! commented Comment · Nov 26, 2009

I like it, i really like the way it sound when read out loud to.

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Ella_Mercy
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Ella_Mercy wrote a review Review · Nov 24, 2009

Hey!

I really like this-- its one of those poems where you dont understand every phrase, but you can link the overall message to something in your mind. Its very clever :)

Just one thing-- i noticed you managed to steer clear of cliches rather well...until the last line :S. I dont know- maybe it fits, but i hate cliches so i always pickk them out :) fate is an overused subject in writing, and i think using alternatives like "conscience" (random example- couldnt think of many :)) make a piece sound more genuine.

Really nice piece :)

Ella
XOX



This is a message to all you out there. You don't have to be the fastest writer. You don't have to write 2000 words in one sitting. But if you put your mind to it and really love your project, you can and will get further along than you ever thought possible.
— FireEyes