The haze cleared, the silence echoed.
The smell of smoke, gunpowder lingered in the air.
The first few drops fell, then the torrential rain,
And the sky wept for those who fell.
The people who fled did come back,
only to witness the ruin of their world.
"Doesn't matter", they said, "we'll build it again."
But their hearts wrenched with the loss.
The families reunited, but not all.
A mother still waited for her son on the porch.
The children stared at their destroyed schools.
Others searched the ruins for their youth.
Those in power, they beamed with joy.
"We won the war", they acclaimed, "we led you to victory."
But the cost, the questions in those empty eyes,
they never cared for,
the thousands of lives ruined for their cause.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,253 Literary Works • 677,087 Reviews
War is a topic that I find to be beautiful and at the same time, tragic. It's horrifying, chaotic, ugly, and brutal. You wonder if the world truly is a beautiful place when such atrocities occur. These events are so horrific, that the people left in the aftermath, are transformed by trauma, guilt, and fear.
And that's what works in this poem. It's gut wrenching imagining the aftermath, the lives lost, and the people left damaged and broken after the end of a war.
I think this opening stanza is quite strong for the viewer. The immediate end of conflict, and the bloodshed smells fresh. You captured the vividness in the landscape of war.
I think this moment here is my favourite from yours. It's subtle, and makes you wonder what fate did her son have to suffer. And it's a terrible place to be in, waiting for a son who may not come back home. I enjoyed reading this poem. It's quite touching
Hello! Am moon.
I really felt sad while reading your poem, especially the line, "A mother still waited for her son on the porch." This line touched me so much that my eyes actually got glossy, and I had to stop reading for a second. It made me think about how the mother might have lost her son, yet she is still waiting for him without knowing whether he will ever return. That uncertainty made the line even more heartbreaking to me.
I also felt sad reading about how the leaders celebrated their victory while ordinary people were suffering. The people had lost their homes, loved ones, and even their childhoods, but the leaders seemed to care only about winning. It made me think about how the people who suffer the most are not always the ones making the decisions.
I really liked how you showed the human cost of war through these different situations. Thank you for sharing this poem. Keep writing!
Hello Moon,
Thank you so much for reading my poem and sharing your thoughts. I'm glad you liked it.
Your welcome. Its nice poem by the way
hello! i was really immersed into your poem! you described the sensory details well and clear for readers to establish the world of grievance after a war. I feel like to make your overall poem stronger, you can try to make the words rhyme, or switching the words around for a better flow. of course, that's my personal preference, but this is really well-written. it gives reader the visual of melancholy.
Have a great day and keep writing!!
Thanks a lot for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.
I'm curious what war is this the aftermath of? I want to know being the person I am.
My favorite lines are
"The haze cleared, the silence echoed.
The smell of smoke, gunpowder lingered in the air."
This makes me wonder if there was just a battle.But when did the haze appear? Was it always there or did it appear during the war?
" "Doesn't matter", they said, "we'll build it again."
But their hearts wrenched with the loss."
This makes me feel as if the war isn't really over inside their heads.I want to know is it?
Hello,
Thanks a lot for reading this! Actually, I didn't write this based on any particular war. I feel, no matter where the war is being fought or for what reason, the aftermath is generally the same for the public. But I got the inspiration for this piece from The Old Man at the Bridge by Ernest Hemingway.
By “haze,” I am literally referring to the smoke on the battlefield. But poetically, I am trying to refer to the fact that the consequences of a war come to light only after it is over. So when the haze clears, people can see all the destruction and agony that swept across the land where the fighting took place.
Does the restoration that follows the destruction bring back the city or town those people remember? I feel it doesn't. And that's what I am trying to say. Even if they build it again, it's just a reflection of their past lives, the lives they can no longer go back to.
Hope this helps!
it does
Hello wanyuan! It's AJ here for a review. This is a really good poem about the aftermath of a war. When wars happen we rarely think about the people lost in it. And this brings that to light.
The haze of battle clearing. And all that's left is silence. Dead silence.
You immediately describe the sensory details with this. But I think you could do with adding a bit more. more than just the smell.
The last two lines are just beautiful. Just absolutely beautiful.
Right where I bolded it. There's a small typo. It should be 'matter," they' Small typo.
These people are trying to convince themselves and each other that it's okay. But deep down it hurts oh so much. They've lost their homes and loved ones.
This is the saddest part of the poem. The human loss. Especially the mother waiting on the porch for her son. I do think you could change the wording of the second line. "A mother waited on the porch for her son." It's mostly preference, but I think it would flow better like that.
Another small thing here. Same grammar issue with the comma and parentheses. The first line could be rewritten to be "Those in power beamed with joy." But again, preference on my part.
Overall, this is a really good poem. It brings to light the human cost of a war. There's just a few grammar things that need to be fixed and it'll be great!
Keep living and writing!
AJ
Hello AJ,
Thanks a lot for the review..... I'm glad you liked the poem. And especially, thank you for pointing out the mistakes. I'll keep them in mind.
No problem. Mistakes help us learn.
Hey there!
This poem is well thought out for something that's happened after a war.
The first few drops fell, then the torrential rain,
And the sky wept for those who fell.
Wow. I loved this part. It's truly beautiful and lyrical.
This shows a deep loss that stays in your hearts.
It shows that certain people could care less if they lost people who worked hard for their safety. And that others will mourn the loss of their loved ones.
I think that some people would read this a couple of times to fully get its understanding, but it's great work.
I definitely would like to read more poems in the future!
~ Jaye.
Thanks a lot for your review..... I am glad you liked it