Mother, Help

A car ride was not usually a calming experience for Aamir. First, he didn't like the smell of fuel, even after riding in motor cars all his life of 14 years, it gave him instant headache, and also even if he was inside the car with windows closed and a working air freshener installed, somehow the inside smell would worsen his headache. This time, however, he was relatively alright. One reason was he had already vomited midway in this journey, without making a lot of mess inside the car, otherwise his father would have been driving the car with worse mood. Other reason was that he was looking outside, towards the yellow and green vastness of farmlands, shining bright in the clear and sunny weather. His hand went towards the window handle, but stopped midway. He wanted to open the window and feel the wind on his face, but his new mother, citing the reason of dust entering inside the car, had already told him to not do that.

"You did not forget any of Aamir’s medicines right?" asked the father from the driver’s seat after a while, not moving his vision from the road.

"I had told Savitri to put all of the medical items in single box, and put it in the dickey (trunk), that is all I can do." A monotonous response came from his young wife, who was reclined completely on the passenger seat. Her eyes were still closed, head resting towards the left window. Since she came to the house, even the littlest of house chores were delegated to Savitri or any other house help.

"I did not ask you to pack them, I just asked whether they were packed." said the father calmly after a few seconds of thought.

To which his wife, sitting upright, answered with a straight face looking at him through her shades "And I answered your question!"

"How much more time is it going to take anyway? Are we going towards the place or away?" the wife continued leaning back to her seat "...I just cannot handle the stench of the vomit your son..."

The father gave her a side eye look, which made her change her sentence. "... I mean, Aamir... it must be difficult for him also, such a long drive, I am just thinking about him!"

"We will reach, when we reach."

Aamir's father, Mehmood, was a fairly tall person, with a rich-people-moustache. His age and years of experience started to show around his eyes and on his forehead but still did not lose the light of his radiant eyes. Probably because he never really stopped moving. He was driving the car by himself even when he had a decent number of drivers. Working at his age every day, even after inheriting all the business and properties from his father, Farooq Ahmed Chaudhry. Somehow putting his whole mind and body in keeping the family business running helped him in the times of his father's (and then his mother's) death. Along with all the properties he inherited being the successor, he also got this big property in the village of Girivi Parvat. Which also happens to be his father's childhood home. He had never really thought of going to this place, but in his father's will it had specifically mentioned that this place should be taken care of and is not to be sold at any cost. So he had sent some servants to keep the place tidy. Now that the family doctor had especially mentioned to move their son to a quieter and calmer place, they thought of moving there, for a while.

Aamir always thought of his father as his role model. He wanted to be as disciplined, as good at managing the family business as his father. Since his childhood he only heard praise about his father's work ethics and his generous nature in news papers and in radio. So whenever his father talked to him, which is almost always during dinner only, he listened and obeyed. After the accident, when his father had him removed from his regular school to put him into home schooling, even though he knew he would miss his school friends, the only two people he talks to with open heart, he did not resist at all and accepted. Later when his father decided to marry again, because Aamir needed a mother figure, as everyone said, to take care of him after his mother's death in the accident, he supported his father's decision. Even though he could not understand the concept of marrying again at that age. He did understand death though. That he understood deeply, that it is something that makes you miss a person you love for the rest of your life.

And now when it was suggested that he needed a change of surroundings to heal properly, physically and mentally, he again accepted the decision. Even though the movement to a completely new place means the meet up with his friends, when they would come over his home to see him, would also stop being a regular thing.

Aamir was looking out of the window, where yellow fields turned into green planes then into almost forest area and then into a valley below as they started to go up towards the mountain area.

New mother thinks well about me thought Aamir, as a car journey had truly been difficult for him since the day he and his mother met the car accident, since the day he truly understood the feeling of losing someone close to your heart.

When they reach the place it is almost five in the afternoon. The sun is clear and has started to slowly go down, giving a dim yellow fade to the mansion. The grey stones in the walls are now shining golden, and the long shadow of the main tower is turning the garden behind look like a dark green forest. Aamir looks through the window at their new house as three servants come running towards the car to welcome their Sahab and new Mem Sahib, and to pick the bags. Amir's father and step mother had already stepped out of the car to stretch after the long journey. Aamir kept looking outside of the car when his father went with two of the servants to tell them where to put the heavy items. His step-mother had just asked for a cordless phone to another female servant and was talking to someone on the phone, probably her mother.

Aamir opens the door, and looks outside, his eyes trying to find anyone who can help him get out. Unfortunately the only female servant is now gone towards the main door of the house, trying to do some last minute cleaning. Aamir tries to call for his step-mother, but he just couldn't. Since his father married the second time, and his new mother came to their home, he sort of never made up his mind to what to call his step mother. His father did tell him to call her simply as "Mummy" as he did with his mother, and he also did call her "Mummy" in front of his father, but it somehow never felt right to him. So a weird "Mehh-mother.." comes from his mouth which gets unheard by the step-mother busy laughing over her phone. For a second, Aamir feels the loneliness he so feared in the new place, and misses his mother more.

It is then, when his step-mother turns around while still talking in the call and notices him in trouble. She yells at the female servant to go and help him, when the servant hurries up as if her job is in trouble and unloads the wheelchair from the car trunk. She then brings it front of Aamir and helps him sit in it, while the step mother was still yelling at her for forgetting about Aamir. When they were passing by, his step mother somewhat shifts her anger towards him and says with a little less volume "Why didn't you call me?". Aamir opens his mouth but couldn't think of an answer and just looks at her.

Aamir’s new mother, Aleena was just 26 years old when she arrived in his home as his step mother. Living whole life in a fatherless middle class house, she had grown up with a lot of struggles, quite a few younger siblings and even more dreams. She had completed her 10th class studies with distinction, and did not pursue her studies due to lack of money in the family. Did odd jobs to pay her house’s rent and her own materialistic desires, whichever she could afford, other dreams she kept hidden in her heart’s closet. Although, even after so many difficulties in her life, she kept her dream of living in a big house alive. So many years later, when the realization of probably spending her life in the same rented one room house taking care of her little siblings was settling on her, she was spotted by a rich man in whose house she happened to be doing minor house chores and also to be teaching primary school maths to his children. The man, a close friend of Aamir’s father, recommended her to Mehmood sahab, due to her beauty and her teaching abilities, but mostly beauty. Mehmood sahab also accepted, considering his wife died in a car accident and his teenage son, who had lost both of his legs in the accident and also had developed a sort of minor fear of travelling in cars and a major phobia of severed body parts, needed a care of a mother.

Aleena took over the house’s responsibilities pretty well. All servants would be sort of scared of her. Because she was not someone who would not complain about every little thing like Mehmood sahab. Although her attitude was always pretty irresponsible, but somehow, maybe because of her middle class thinking, she started taking care about all the things in the house. All stuff has to be cleaned at-least once a day. And she made sure all the servants did more than what they were paid for. The only thing that she was not good at was, taking care of a boy. When she was in her mother’s house she always hated her little brothers and sisters, she had to share her food and all other things with them, which she never liked. Now when she was in a place where she had everything she could ever dream of and more for herself only, she couldn’t help but blur out one disabled boy from her focus.

It was all good for Aamir, he never had anything to do with her. After the accident most of his days usually were spent reading books. He used to love reading the Goosebumps books. Although after the accident and him waking up screaming quite a few times during the night, his father had called Savitri to remove all of the scary books from his room. He never got to tell them that the nightmares were not from the books but from the images of the accident in his memory, although he himself was not quite sure of that. How can a child not have nightmares like that after seeing his mother’s dead body on the road like that, Savitri used to tell the other servants.

Aamir felt a little lonely looking at his room in the ground floor for the first time. The floor was wooden, and old, but looked like it was polished recently. There was a big window lighting up the room, but it was covered with thin railings. His bed near the window was big and covered with clean off-white bedsheets, with a bookshelf as a part of the bed itself above the headrest attached to the other wall. Books already placed, mostly comic books, sketch books and encyclopedias. There was a little desk and on that a big lamp with its wire stretching over the whole wall to reach the switch board. The walls were covered with yellow wallpapers, and some sort of ornate design. When he was laid on the bed, he noticed there was an old painting of a beautiful woman seating besides a dinner table with one apple in one hand. He also noticed that the ceiling had dinner plate sized designer metal pieces placed at even distances at each other. The metal looked old but it was still reflecting his face, they must have cleaned it this morning, Aamir thought to himself. Towards the left side there were one door to enter the room, one almirah, one small study table and another door for his personal bathroom and toilet.

Aamir was shifted from his wheelchair to his bed by Savitri, the house help. His father and his step mother were discussing something inaudible near the door, while his things were being shifted to his rooms by the other servants. He was waiting his step mother and Savitri to go out as he wanted to pee so bad, but they kept discussing things for so long, and were almost like arguing about something, that Aamir just couldn’t interject. As he was looking at them, a servant took a metal plate like thing from a newly opened box and put it besides the bed.

“This is your bed-pan, you don’t need to go to toilet everytime to pee.” said Savitri.

“I… uhh… It is okay… I can use the toilet”

“You have to use the bed-pan Aamir, the doctor recommended.” said his father in between discussion with his step-mother.

“You want to pee now?” Asked his father, Aamir nodded a little.

“Okay we will go outside, you need anything you can as Savitri, okay?” His father ended the conversation with his step-mother and went outside. His step-mother looked at him with an annoyed look and also went away.

He wanted Savitri to also leave but she was still unpacking things. Somehow he managed to use the bedpan, and put it back in the side table. And started looking outside. A little while later Savitri had already emptied the pan and put it back again.

Aamir had to take a therapy session later that afternoon. The local hospital had sent one of their therapist. The session lasted 1 hour, and Aamir didn’t really open up, and barely spoke other than a number of Hmms and nods. When the father explained his problems with sleep and nightmares the therapist’s prescription was to get some sleeping pills and to not think about anything that remotely induces his fear or memory of the car accident again. He strictly recommended against the scary books or films.

So he read the comics. People with superpowers. Kids who could fly, turn invisible, change their appearance as per their will. Then he thought about how he used to run and play with his friends in the park. His mother used to take him there every day. Old and good memories are enough to make an adult man go nostalgic and feel sad. He was just a child. Then he thought about his mother’s face. Little droplets of tear formed in the corners of his eyes which he wiped using his blanket, and put the comics back into the shelf above his bedrest to try and go to sleep. His sleeping medicine still untouched. Very slowly his memories disappeared and turned into endless blackness.

Much later, Aamir heard knocking sounds in his dreams, then he saw a door being knocked. dhut…dhut… the knocking became louder. Suddenly he opened his eyes, the dream and the sleep both disappeared in an instant. He was facing the closed door of his room. After a while of silence he came to his senses and realized it was just his dream and closed his eyes again. DHUT…DHUT… this time he sprung up and looked at the closed door with squinting eyes. Who could it be at this hour? His brain could not came up with any answer. His new mother won’t visit him, his father had never ever before. Was he still dreaming?

DHUT… DHUT…

This time the sound was loud enough for him to realize two things, one, he was well awake and all of this is real, two, the knocking sound was not coming from the door, but from below the wooden bed.

Fright or flight, usually people have two responses to a situation like that. But Aamir was a child, so he chose the best defense that he could have come up with. He threw himself at the pillows and covered himself completely with the blanket that he had. And prayed, that it is all in his mind.

When he was a child he used to sleep with his mother, and whenever such nightmares used to wake him up, he used to just hold her mother’s hand to come to reality, to feel the sense of security, that his mother wont let anything bad happen to him. But at this moment he had nothing to hold on to. So he just kept his eyes shut, and kept his mind shut, and kept thinking that this is all a dream. And soon enough, it all became a dream. As no sound came from anywhere for a long time, and his brain prioritized his sleep over coming up with a rational explanation.

Aamir woke up to a pleasant morning. He felt like shit though. He should have taken the sleeping pills, he thought to himself, and hid the pills from the last night behind a book. Savitri arrives on time, and asks him if he needed to use the bedpan, he was still shy but agreed. This time Savitri seemed to be in a bad mood, as Aamir could see a sense of disgust in her face as she took and cleaned the bed pan. She did not stay for long, did some routine cleaning and went outside hurriedly. Another house help came to get him cleaned in the bathroom. When Aamir came back to his bed his breakfast was already there. Toast, Milk, Two boiled eggs and some peanut butter.

Today was physical therapy day. The therapist came to teach Aamir a set of Yogasanas he could do in his bed using his upper body only. Doctor had suggested that mental health is connected to physical health, that is why he had recommended mental as well as physical therapy for a proper recovery. Aamir completed the Yogaasana sets with little to no interest. The only reason he completed it was that the Therapist was an old and jolly guy who kept encouraging him to complete it. Aamir felt he was doing that just because he felt sorry for him.

By the time it was lunch time, Aamir had forgotten about last night totally. Human mind has a weird way of working. Its interesting how human brain, in order to save itself from the dark realities of this world creates the walls like illusions around us, sometimes these walls covers the details of your life’s past like it never happened. But it also has a power to store those details, those incidents forever hidden inside the depth of your memories. Sometimes those hidden memories protrude into your reality in the form of unexplainable emotions, like hesitation, embarrassment or fear.

At around dinner time, when he had spent the whole day in the bed alone, he felt like he needs to pee again. But there was no one around. Savitri had probably left already, and even if she was around he would have felt too uncomfortable calling her, for something that she did with such a disgusted expression. So, he decided to use the toilet like a normal grown up teenage boy, without anyone’s help. One problem only, the wheelchair was nowhere near his bed, he decided to change the plans and use the bedpan only. But even the bedpan, which was put in the side table, was far from his table. But he had already decided to not take any help, so he went for it. He leaned and immediately realized how much of contribution hind legs actually do when you lean. He reached out, but still hand did not touch the pan, let alone holding it and bringing it back to his bed. So he shifted more towards right, he was almost at the edge of his bed now. He leaned and reached out again just to touch the pan with his middle finger and move it a little bit. “Just a little bit more” he thought to himself and shifted more, now almost half out of his bed. And just when he was confident that he could reach it and grab it, his hand slipped and the metal bedpan fell off the table, onto the wooden floor with a big clang sound.

He managed to save himself, but somehow he found this situation funny. He smiled and giggled a little but then suddenly some servants entered his room hurriedly followed by his step mother, and his father. His mother had an extremely annoyed look, and his father had an apologetic look on his face as if she was just complaining about something to his father and this sound interrupted her conversation.

“What was that!” shouted Aleena. The color of Aamir’s face was gone when he looked at her.

“Uhm… I… uhh…” Words struggled to make sense in Aamir’s stuttering mouth when another servant interrupted.

“The bedpan fell off!” He said and went to pick it up immediately.

“Why did you throw the bedpan like that! your father had provided you everything, therapists, servants and this is how you treat him!” Aleena’s voice was more piercing than her words.

“Stop it, all of you.” Aamir’s father’s stern voice made Aleena look at him.

“But look at it! he made a big dent in the wooden floor!! that were cleaned and fixed just a week ago!”

“We will get it fixed again, now is not the time to make ruckus, let us have dinner and go to bed, I have to wake up early.” Said his father and left the room without looking at him. Had he looked at Aamir he would have noticed little teary eyes and shaking hands. Aleena also left the room giving him an annoyed look. When other people also left the room, Aamir got even more angrier. Why would he throw the pan in the ground? Why didn’t anybody ask him about why he was reaching out for the bedpan?? Is it that difficult to guess??

After dinner, one servant finally handed him the bedpan and he used it. He was still angry and did not eat his dinner properly. The servant tried to give him sleeping pills but he did not take them, and threw them out of the window in front of the servant, stating sternly that he don’t want it. The servant closed the window and left the room without saying anything.

Aamir was so angry, he felt this burning sensation in his forehead. To calm his mind he switched on the lamp and opened a book. For a long time he just looked at the first sentence. His eyes were looking at the sentence but his mind was not in it at all. He was still thinking about the incident, he started feeling a certain kind of hate towards everyone. First it started with his step-mother, the shrill voice with which she complained about him so blatantly to his father really annoyed him. The way she looked at him, like he is wrong in this situation before even thinking about it a bit. Why to make such a scene, didn’t she hear his father? They have enough money to buy anything, why care so much about this damn bedpan and the damned wooden floor?! Then his anger shifted to his father, at-least he could have understood and asked him why he was reaching for the bedpan! Then it shifted to the servants, why are there no one available when he actually need them, otherwise the whole day they enter his room without even knocking!