A Crimson Star

Guilt is an odd little thing. It follows you wherever you go, a reminder of how things went wrong. It comes in shapes, memories, and changes how we see the world. I think it was good that you did this in the perspective of a killer because it's a perspective that I believe is quite ignored. It makes me wonder how do people who have done such a terrible act continue to live with themselves.

Of warm colors. But now,
My life: it’s gray and brown
Occasional crimson

When my bullet goes through.

Wow this is some incredible skill! I really enjoyed reading your deliciously beautiful poem, it was so easy and somehow smooth to read. Despite this, the words are heavy and carry a lot of pressure, will and a darker burden. He will go far for her, perhaps too far. Oh the things people do for love. It’s so brutal, but so beautiful at the same time.
I admire poets who use a lot of commas, like, I adore commas, you know. They make the text have a certain flow and show up when you are meant to pause. The rhymes in your poem also make it all sound so smooth, an incredibly elegant easy-read that still have a moral and deeper meaning!

Hello write ☁

This piece feels like holding a breath right before something shatters. It’s heavy in a way that’s almost physical, like watching someone quietly tie their shoes while carrying a choice that’s going to bruise them forever.

​The contrast in "My day painted with shades / Of warm colors. But now, / My life: it's gray and brown" hit me the most. The way all the light just drains out of the stanza feels so real, like watching the sky turn cold in an instant. And then bringing in Atlas lifting the sky—it takes this grim, quiet violence and turns it into something mythic and suffocating.

​A tiny thing on the mechanics: in "Is not easy. I cause / Pain. Cries. Screams.", the period after "easy" creates a really sharp break. If that sudden stutter was intentional it works, but smoothing out that stanza transition might let the grief carry through a bit more seamlessly.

​I personally really liked this poem ☁

​Really haunting and deeply felt work 🐟

​Have a nice day ☀

Hello, write! It's AJ here for a review! This poem caught my eye. It's a really interesting idea that I think is something more could explore. The idea of being inside a killer's mind as they justify their actions.
But into the review!

The clip of the suitcase
I tightened my shoelace
Hand on the door, I closed
My eyes, no more composed

For I am a killer.
Blood on my hands, still her
Eyes shine bright, like silver.
Of course, this is for her.

No, she sees not my sin,
Blind, save my guilty grin
When we meet, my past fades
My day painted with shades

Of warm colors. But now,
My life: it’s gray and brown
Occasional crimson
This job is my mission.

I must, but must I? For,
If I walk through that door,
Then, there’s no turning back.
My heart slowly turns black.

Putting another man
Into the ground, I can
Feel the shaking of death.
To cause one’s final breath

Is not easy. I cause
Pain. Cries. Screams. All because
I love her. Shines, her light,
In the bright stars tonight.

The ground, like myself, dark.
The lights above, an arc.
As Atlas lifts the sky,
I must raise the stars, high.

With that thought in mind, I
turn the handle. I’ll try
to hold on to that view
When my bullet goes through.

Hello am moon!
I really enjoyed reading this!! The whole poem has such a dark, tense feeling to it, and I liked how you slowly showed us what the speaker was about to do. The part about his life being “gray and brown” with occasional crimson was probably my favorite because it made the whole thing so visual. I also really liked the ending—it made me feel like he already knows there's no going back.

One small thing I'd suggest is maybe checking a few of the lines where the rhyme feels a little forced, because some parts flowed really naturally while a few felt slightly harder to read. But honestly, the story and imagery are really interesting, and you did a great job keeping me curious about what would happen next. Keep writing!!

Hey writer!

I am here today to review ur beautiful work this one really took me by surprise. i really liked how the poem starts off with such a simple action and unravels the deeper meaning of what is happening. The juxtaposition of his love for her and the guilt from his actions is done very well and i especially liked the color imagery used throughout the poem. The change in colors from warm to gray and brown really shows his emotions. I also really liked the ending with the stars and the idea of clinging to something beautiful even with what he was about to do.

One part that i would maybe fix a bit are some of the lines that can be smoother or are forced a bit by the rhyme hence why i mentioned the tightening of certain lines. I also think the beginning could use a bit more clarification since "The clip of the suitcase i tightened my shoelace" made me stop and think for a bit at what exactly was happening. But the concept behind the poem is very interesting the conflict shown in it is the main thing i liked about the poem, and i think it shows how someone can rationalize what they did in the name of love. All in all really enjoyed reading this one!

Lovely work!<3
~hira♡

The narrator is in fact a killer but can be justified as a "just killer" who did what he had to do and what he did was kill.