I used to have a memory like a picture in my mind.
An artists painting of the family and friends I left behind,
But now the picture is starting to fade.
All the once brilliant colors becoming the same dark shade.
The colors of my memory once sparkled like a crystal light fixture.
Perhaps I should go back and paint a new picture.
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142,321 Literary Works • 677,257 Reviews
I love it
Wow, it's great. I loved it. It kind of shocked me... Medusa mentioned the only mistakes I saw. very good job.
Keep writing!
~Rachael
It is beautiful...
A few grammer pricks. Overall, not bad, but not good. It's dry. It lacks a bit of spice. The repetition of "picture" is not necessary. In this case, I'd say it's a poem of all tell no show. Try this:
I used to have a memory like a picture in my mind
to
I once had a memory, a potrait, a landscape of the mind
Try elaboration, intricate details. Read alot of peotry and pick up neat phrases and cool words. Work, work, work.
Good luck!
Medusa.