Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
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142,479 Literary Works • 678,036 Reviews
text version:
Spoiler
six. wastenotwantnot
i am eighteen.
i have ate(teen) years.
i have spent the last two years picking bits of myself
up off the floor. when i stand up, dried skin peels off me in
reams and sticks to the chair. when i shower, the drain clogs
up with pink matter. when i towel myself dry, i am rubbing
against wet bone. when i sleep, my face is imprinted in
my silk pillowcase by morning. when i sneeze, there
is a piece of my brain in the
tissue. when i blink, the whites of my eyes
drip onto my cheeks. when i try to sew, pieces
of my fingers end up stitched into fabric.
when i eat, my teeth break apart in my
mouth as i chew. i spit them out into the bowl and
show them to m(other).
(my m(other) liked to paint. sometimes she would cover herself in it.
once i came home
and she had tried to paint her insides.
she had chosen the wrong colour. her
kisses still taste like turpentine.)
she takes the bowl from me, her hands warm but shaking. there is a
hollow sound as the teeth rattle against the silver spoon. she
sprinkles the pumpkin seed dust on top, then mixes it up
with a pot of strawberry yoghurt. she sits beside me as i peel
back the skin on my hands like a glove. underneath, i am as bright as the flesh
of a plum: the colour she was trying to paint.
she eats what i have shed.
6. (she believes this is the only way to keep me.)
Hello
Your poetry caught my attention through the emotions and imagery woven into each verse. I could envision your words being brought to life through a series of connected illustrations, with each scene flowing naturally into the next and reflecting the poem’s evolving mood.
As a professional commission-based artist, I create custom paid artwork that transforms written ideas into visual experiences. I would love to explore a concept where every 2–4 lines or verse inspires a new illustration, creating a continuous visual journey alongside your poetry.
If this idea interests you, I would be happy to discuss the possibilities and help you explore a concept that suits your vision and budget.
Discord: inksbyeve
Instagram: @inkkfinity
Best wishes,
Eve
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the daunting S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - The narrator has grown up, so now it’s time to shed her baby teeth. And her flesh. And her hair. Her eyes must melt too. Basically, she’s becoming more of a science skeleton/muscle diagram than she already is! :> Good thing her mother is there to eat it all!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love that the mother is eating the parts that the narrator loses. It’s like as the narrator grows up, the mother tries to hold onto her childish parts. Then with the narrator’s inside flesh being the color the mother was trying to paint makes me feel like the narrator has youth that the mother wants but cannot have. What is lost is stored away for future use…maybe.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a gorgeously grotesque poem, perfect for this spooky day! You said there would be seven poems, so I’ll be certain to read that very last one! I have enjoyed reading this and…
I wish you a Happy Halloween! ^v^
I like didnt understand it at all, but somehow still loved it!?!?!
You have such a ablity for words, that sounds weird but you know what I mean!! I loved she eats what i have shed, it shows parents can be ravenous to pick apart their child fro mistakes. At least that is what I got from it. Loved it. You should review my poems!!!!
This was breathtaking. I mean absolutely beautifully written. The analogies and metaphors, the way you described yourself falling apart and how your mother's kisses were like turpentine. I think a lot of teenagers can relate to this, like the way you're immediately expected to know how to do things once you turn 18 and the pressure and weight of it all upon, still pre existing factors and stressors, can make someone feel like they are completely falling apart. Please, keep writing. This was awesome my friend.
thank you so much for your kind review! <3 it means so much that you understood it!