Published October 10, 2026
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142,322 Literary Works • 677,257 Reviews
Hey Alex!
I've been meaning to get around to reviewing this since you posted your collection! I love the singing version; it's honestly amazing, and I love the way you layer your voice!
I think it's talented how much you get across in such a short song. I particularly love the chorus, as the idea that Felix set Aiden in bloom, like he has the power of the seasons and the sun and the weather behind, and Aiden is powerless to stop it. The same with the moon being stuck in his orbit; there's so much power behind such simple lines. And it's so catchy, I keep finding myself singing it as i'm cleaning around the house!
As for some suggestions, I do think the metaphors you use all pull in different directions. You have a flower (bloom, petal), a moon (orbit), stars and constellations (connect the dots), and a honeytrap. I think this might be too many images for a song in which none of them gets time to develop fully. Maybe sticking to one could help this, but I do also think, in a way, more chaos could work because Aiden's head is all over the place in his crushing on Felix, so you could also lean in this more. Or, my other idea was that you could write a bridge that fuses all the ideas. Moonflowers bloom at night, and a moon only shines with reflected light, so a bridge about glowing only because of him would tie the flower and the moon together, or something similar.
I also think 'Closed off from the world of pain' is the most generic line in the song. Perhaps you could link this to the flower/petal imagery, like 'closed like a bud' to plant the image early?
A brilliant song overall, though! I will hopefully review the rest of the collection soon <3
Thanks rev, it means a lot to me that you came back to review this! Apologies I couldn't reply earlier, I've been swamped with festivities lately. But I'm glad to know you liked it, and it warms my heart to see you sing these lyrics as randomly as I do XD
As for your suggestions, they're all valid and I hear them loud & clear! Too many metaphors- I do like the symbolism of a scattered mind from crushing on Felix, as I was trying to introduce most of the imagery I was going to try to include in the collection. Perhaps it'd tie better when compared with the next pieces? I do agree that it's a little suffocating though, as none of them get enough room to breathe. The moonflower and borrowed light were concepts I started out with and wanted to desperately include but they just didn't make their place in the final draft and I simply let it go and moved on. The bud idea is also very insightful, I was hoping for something similiar to what you had in mind but the rhyme scheme just restricted me a little, plus generic lines just work better in songs. I still had the metaphor of bud in my mind while writing this, but I get that I should've been clearer.
Thanks for this, all your valuable recommendations shall help me grow in the future! <3
Singing audio & original post
Plot description-
A studious guy (Aiden) has agreed to tutor the academically struggling quarterback (Felix) in history for extra credit. But when sparks fly between them, what shall become of their fate? Enjoy this tender queer romance with graphics and original songs added herein!
This is a flashback (filler arc), and converges with arc I towards the end. Includes spoiler, reader is advised to go through the story in the correct sequence for best interpretation of the plot and maximal self enjoyment.
Read the uncut version of the story here: Breaking Bloom (Arc II- Aiden's melancholy)
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Related links-
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Prequel: Looking for you (Arc I- Aiden's melancholy)- NaPo month thread, 2026