Each day in band is the same.
Monotonous some might say.
Until today.
One of the clarinets has so much makeup on.
She looks like a clown.
One of the saxophones said they thought you didn't need an instrument in band.
What a clown.
One of the flutes decided to play piccolo today.
I wish I could hear anything. Even a clown.
A sousaphone tried to break the sound barrier today.
I think the aliens on Mars could hear us.
We practiced our show drill.
Even aliens with no feet could do better.
I was putting my clarinet away in my locker. It clearly says my name.
Yet, I think two aliens visited. Cause a saxophone doesn't go in my locker.
Or maybe they can't read English.
A dragon stood at the podium today.
His face was very red.
I think the flutes dueling with their instruments was rather annoying.
The dragon was counting very loud today.
His voice was gone at the end of class.
I think my feet were out of time.
I'm thankful the dragon can't breathe fire. He was getting awful close to me.
Each day in band is the same.
Monotonous some might say.
Until today.
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I realized that a lot of people probably dont know what some of these things are.
Show drill: how the people in a marching band move around. Our instructions essentially.
Locker: the walls of almost every band and orchestra room are covered in wire lockers. I have a tiny clarinet sized one. A saxophone case barely fits.
`Hey AJ!
I was intrigued by your poem since I saw it was about being in band. Being from the UK, I have always been so fascinated with American schools since I saw them in movies, and it always amazes me when something from a movie is true. (I'm sure schools here HAVE bands but it is not where near a similar activity as it sounds like it is in the US, from what I have heard!) I've always been jealous because band sounds so fun, so let's get into your poem!
I like that we start out by learning that today is different! It means I can understand the rest of the chaos not as a usual thing, but something that happened all in one day. I would put a comma after 'Monotonous' there
When I saw the second repetion of clown, I was going to comment that you should change it to something else to avoid the repetition, but when I saw the third, I decided I liked the idea and it adds to the poem. Whilst i'm not a fan of calling someone's makeup a clown, I like the image that this all paints, and how the narrator is in a bad mood now, because there is all of this hassle and movement going on. I think the 'clown' imagery would stand stronger if the individual details alluded more to it, such as describing exactly what makes the makeup clownlike.
I love that you continue the technique, but centre on aliens now, and not clowns. Again, perhaps rooting it in some specificity would help ground this image a bit more. The narrator's sarcasm is growing on me, because it would really annoy me if people put stuff in my locker... (I think, i never had a locker at school... we had them but i never bothered to get one since they were tiny)
I like the image of the flutes dueling. Perhaps rather than stating it was annoying, you could just describe the duel, since we would know the narrator would be annoyed by now! I also think 'awfully close' rather than 'awful close' is the saying at the end there.
I love that you end the same way you began. It gives it a cyclical nature, though this sort of detracts from the point that every day is the same and this day is an outlier, since a cyclical nature makes me think this happens all the time!
A great poem, thank you for the read!
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Pollinating
First impressions
I really enjoyed this. It has a very casual, diary-like sense of humor that makes it easy to read. The poem takes what is probably a fairly ordinary day in band and turns every little inconvenience into something ridiculous. The title also fits the poem nicely, since by the end we've gotten exactly what it promised: clowns, aliens, and a dragon.
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Opinion on Characters
I liked the narrator's perspective more than anything here. They're very deadpan about everything happening around them, making the exaggerated comparisons more comical. I like how the narrator never seems particularly bothered by the absurdity of their own comparisons. Calling the conductor a “dragon” because his face is red and his voice is loud is especially fitting.
Flying Home
Summary
The narrator describes an unusually chaotic day in band. There is a clown playing the clarinet, sonic-booming instruments, a saxophone seemingly misplaced by aliens, and an angry band director resembling a dragon.
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Critiques and Suggestions
Some of the jokes feel uneven in how strongly they land. The “clown” section works well because the comparison keeps getting brought back in different ways, while some of the alien jokes feel more like individual observations than part of a developing joke. The repetition of “I think” works for establishing the narrator's voice, but there are enough instances that a few could probably be removed without losing that effect. The ending also repeats the opening, which does give the poem a circular structure, but I wonder if changing “Until today” slightly could make the ending feel like it has added something rather than simply returning to where it started.
Queen Bee
Best parts
The humor is definitely the strongest part for me. I liked “Even aliens with no feet could do better.” It's such a strange, humorous comparison. I also liked the saxophone ending up in the narrator's locker and the conclusion that aliens must have done it. The final dragon section is my favorite overall because the imagery builds naturally from the conductor's red face, loud counting, and exhausted voice.
Honey Flavor
Closing thoughts
The poem's biggest strength is that it doesn't take itself too seriously. I would mainly focus on tightening a few of the jokes and varying the repetition, but the narrator's voice already gives the poem a lot of personality. It's a silly but entertaining premise.
Thank you for the read.
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