Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
I remember laughing at your joke
Sure, it was only a few words. But that was how I fell in love.
You were quirky and hilarious.
Yet, you told me about your mother screaming at you.
You cracked jokes through the tears.
Yet, you told me about your past.
The abuse and horrors you'd seen.
We laughed about a character in a story and gave him a million middle names.
Jameson Winchester Trust Issues Reckless Martyr Jealous Daddy-Issues Self Destructive Enabler Dangerous Alcoholic Dances With The Law Cant-Settle-This-With-A-Healthy-Conversation Gets Overly Attached My-Older-Brother-Stole-My-First-Love-So-Now-I-Must-Turn-Everything-Into-A-Life-Or-Death-Competition Dramatic Ass I Can Fix Him Overthinks Everything Hawthorne, is what we finally decided on.
Yet, your home might not be your home much longer.
Now you've vanished.
Poof.
And I don't know if you're okay.
You may have been thrown out of your home.
I don't know and I won't ever know.
You're all the way across the continent.
Oh dear Ren.
I hope you're okay.
I really do.
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142,322 Literary Works • 677,254 Reviews
*sniff, sniff, I'm still mourning over bug too*
I know I only joined last month, but Bug has been an extremely wonderful person to me, so I will miss her, even though I don't know her as well as you do.
That said, this is an absolutely beautiful piece of work! Let me get to work now!
Praise:
This part is really beautiful- how you describe Ren (bug). I'm pretty sure that anyone who hasn't met Ren yet will know how kind, how much of a lovely person Ren was. I also hope that she's okay too. I know what it feels like to have controlling parents who have many rules, and if you do not follow them, you will have consequences.
The only thing that you need to work on is that "yet" is used too many times, and it could be replaced with something else.
Love,
Queenie
The show of this story is very intriguing. It has a raw, heavily emotional feel and context. The contrast of a funny inside joke with a line of abuse from Ren shifts very interestingly here as a revisited memory. It also explains well to the reader more of Ren as a person before the characters and their separation such as coping mechanism. It's a shuttering truth in something many of us can experience while with those we care about.
The opening lines set up such a sweet, intimate dynamic—falling for someone over a quick joke and sharing those random, hilarious moments that feel unique to two people. The line with the ridiculously long middle name ("Jameson Winchester Trust Issues...") made me laugh because it feels so real—it perfectly highlights how close you two were, finding humor in the absurd while subtly hinting at deeper traumas underneath. ☁
What hits hardest is the contrast. You balance those lighthearted memory fragments with the heavy reality of what Ren was actually dealing with—the screaming, the abuse, cracking jokes through tears. It shows how humor can be a coping shield, but also how quick things can turn dark. The sudden shift to "Now you’ve vanished. Poof." creates a genuine feeling of shock and helplessness. That abrupt transition mirrors what it actually feels like when someone you care about suddenly goes silent or disappears from your life.
The ending leaves a lingering feeling of quiet heartbreak. Being separated across the continent and not knowing if someone you loved is safe, or if they were kicked out, is such a specific kind of grief. The repetition of "I hope you're okay. I really do" feels incredibly sincere and raw rather than overly dramatic.
Overall, it's a touching, grounded piece of writing that conveys warmth, sudden loss, and lingering care without feeling melodramatic or forced. 🐟☀☁