Tear 256, tear 257, tear 258…
It had been thirteen days since the angel got lost on me.
I was lost too - isolated, wandering through the ruins of my own mind, probably high on some imagined cocaine because I had nothing left except whatever fragments of imagination my brain had stored for me.
My heart opened to testify for sins I didn’t even know I had committed, because the angel had betrayed me. It stood before me with a stoic face. I tried to find the remnants of the innocence its eyes once carried, but it averted its gaze. Perhaps the innocence was still there, just not for me anymore.
The gods sat in judgment.
The angel had a lawyer.
I wasn’t allowed one.
Whenever I tried to speak, the gods silenced me. Sinners, they said, did not get to speak. The angel glanced at me, but its eyes held no emotion. I tried to retreat, to find some last fragment of innocence - but innocence belonged only to those who were not sinners. And even when you are not one, the world and the gods can make you one when you are Mother Fate’s neglected child.
When I closed my eyes, trying to remember something happy, every memory hurt. It hurt - not once, not twice, nor thrice -
but every single time.
Then the gods gave their order.
Banishment.
The angel looked at me one last time. Its eyes were filled with malice. Yet somewhere beneath it, I could still see vulnerability.
I was tied in chains.
The Grim Reaper took my scratched hand into his rough one. It was a strange kind of comfort - rough, almost careless, but comforting nonetheless. And perhaps, when you have nothing left, any source of comfort can work its magic.
I closed my eyes.
The last thing I saw was a faint glimmer in the angel’s eyes.
Guilt.
Maybe it had always been there, buried beneath the cruelty, waiting for me to notice it. Or I simply needed to believe that somewhere in that angel, there was still a piece of the one I once knew.
And somehow -
that was enough.
I found peace.
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142,249 Literary Works • 677,084 Reviews
A Butterfly has landed to review your work!<3
Hey Aster! A Butterfly has landed to review your work, and Counting Tears is an odd little morsel that left me pondering odd little things. It's a strange mix of betrayal, guilt, judgment, innocence, and ultimately peace. I loved how you took these emotions and made them feel so mythic, like the narrator's pain has crystallized into this impossible courtroom of gods and angels.
The Egg
I immediately liked the first part because of the counting, and the mystery around it.
That immediately makes the reader curious, what did you do to make yourself feel so sorry? What happened that you have to count tears? Then, the mention of the angel being lost on them makes it feel like it's not fully explained yet, and adds to the mystery.
The Caterpillar Hatches
Speaking of which, I really liked how you blended the narrator's reality with the mythical. It almost feels like we're in their head, seeing the courtroom, the gods, the angel, and the reaper, while they speak, because it's all very ambiguous. It makes it feel like the narrator is both alone in this ruined place, and in this impossible courtroom.
Growing & Molting
The courtroom imagery was probably my favorite part.
That's such a great set up to establish the narrator's helplessness straight away. The theme of sin also adds to the feeling of judgment, since it seems like they're being punished for something, although it's never explained exactly what. I also really liked this part
that gave the piece this mythic feel while still focusing on the narrator's pain.
Spinning the Chrysalis
This part's memory was beautifully painful, although I felt there wasn't a need to explain it, since it's implied it's all connected to the sin. It's great how you made the reader feel that, in order to remember something happy the narrator would have to hurt
and then repeated the phrase to accentuate it again
The Transformation
This part is where the banishment turns into something more peaceful for the narrator, and I liked how you portrayed this shift. The reaper is a great addition, and it's interesting how his rough hand is soothing to the narrator. You could almost say that the reaper is the opposite of what the angel wants, which makes him a good tool for the narrator to escape the judgment.
Wings Taking Shape
The angel's potential guilt is what made the ending work, I think. It's a great way to tie everything together while letting the narrator feel at peace, since it makes it seem like it wasn't all the angel's fault, or that they were just as unhappy doing their job as the reaper is being happy to let the narrator go.
I love that you didn't tie it up with a bow either, since it makes the peace the narrator feels seem more personal. They might have genuinely forgiven the angel, or they just needed to believe it happened for them to move on, but either way it's beautiful.
Breaking Free
I really liked the resolution and the closure it provided, although it's weird to think about the narrator finding peace instead of answers. There's no real redemption or reversal of the gods' judgment, just a certain degree of acceptance from the narrator. It's like they don't need an answer anymore, which is a strange but lovely way to end the piece.
First Flight
The ending line especially is great at encapsulating what the narrator needed to feel better, without explicitly saying what that feeling is.
It makes it feel like there are some things that can't be solved, only understood, and that's okay.
Favorite Nectar
My favorite part was definitely the contrast between the narrator's suffering and the angel's, reaper's, and the gods' judgment. I felt like they all were parts of the same thing, but were their own individual monsters. The prose itself was lovely to read too, as it didn't turn into a poem but had a poetic flow and rhythm to it. If I had to criticize anything, maybe it's that the betrayal the angel committed isn't explained nearly as well as it could be, since one specific detail would've made it infinitely more heartbreaking while still leaving the mystery around the narrator's suffering intact.
In general, it's a lovely piece that stayed with me after reading. The supernatural elements didn't detract from the emotional impact of the piece, while instead adding to it, and giving the narrator a lovely sense of peace in the end.
Lovely work! <3
Great, thank you soo much!! 🫶🏻✨️
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the ghoulish S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - The narrator is dead and awaiting judgement. The gods have decided that since the narrator is a sinner and they will be banished. The narrator takes the Grim Reaper’s hand and sees the angel, guilty for them. A small gesture, but still enough to not feel entirely empty.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I personally think that the story is fine as is, but if you want to enhance it more, like say, spend more time talking about how the narrator feels about losing their angel, then you can do that.
Chocolate Bar - I like the part about the narrator thinking that the angel doesn’t have any innocence left for them, as if the angel had grown to see them in a much crueler light just as how the narrator sees them. I also like the instance of the narrator catching the angel’s guilt, because even the small moment of the angel caring for them is enough.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a sorrowful short story. I have enjoyed reading this and I will be certain to read your other works. This person may count tears forever, but now…
I wish you a beautiful day/night! ^v^
Aww thank you soo much! 💓✨️
Yw!