Published October 22, 2026
Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
Times I have scrapped and rewritten the novel: 3
THIS IS MORE MATURE BECAUSE…I DON’T KNOW
tw: mainly swears? (Mainly this area will be filled as novel continues(
Authors Note: for the research made for this…only reason why ikm prob gonna stick with this is because holy digital footprint 😅
A week after that day.
The judge stood on his perch, the court's breathing seemed to stop. Such as prey seeing a predator. “All rise.” The judge murmured. Everyone stood. Even myself. Whispers emerged softly from the gallery. “God save the wretched whore.” Some muttered. “She shouldn't have been out.” Some pointed towards me. I stared at the floor, my breath shuddered slightly. “You may sit.” The judge sighed. The sound of chairs scraping against wooden planks filled the room. The judge gazed my way, his voice now sharp. “Might I ask the defendant's name and lawyer?” I stood up, holding my hands gently. “Your honor, I’m Melinda.. I’m representing Violet. I could not get a lawyer due to my age and the case of her murder.” The judge rolled his eyes. “Then a lawyer shall be appointed towards you.” The prosecutor slammed his hands on the table. “Your Honor, if I may! We all know she’s guilty of the crime. My client Anthony Davis did not commit this crime.” The judge looked at me, then sighed. “Let her tell the story first.” I stood straighter. “Of course your honor…I thank you.” The judge waved his hand dismissively. “Get on with it.”
A month before that day.
(Violet’s Pov, 1st person)
“Melinda I’m not going.” I sighed, closing my locker. Melinda sighed. “Come Vi, it’s homecoming and it’s our last year of high school! Are you chicken because Travis will be there?~” I turned to face Melinda swinging my bag to my shoulder. “Travis was an attempted savior of last year after my Aunt Mary’s death. I chose to rely on someone rather than cope.” Melinda nodded. “Fair. But, you haven’t been to any school events since freshman year.” I shook my head. “I was in the school musical.” Melinda rolled her eyes. “You were a tree.” I shrugged. “I got to do the most important thing: Photosynthesis.” I laughed softly, Melinda hit my shoulder softly. “Just, at least stay for an hour ok? It’s next month anyways, you don’t have to bring a date, just you ok?” I paused, ‘was this a good idea?’ I thought…but my mouth chose to have no instincts today. “Sure, I’ll try to be there.” Melinda jumped slightly, clapping her hands. “Perfect! I’ll help you with dress shopping!” The bell rang. “We have to go to class now… I’ll see you later Mel.” Melinda waved as she started running. “Of course! See you later V!”
I walked to my math class, I saw a group of boys walking towards me. I knew them back in middle school. They always gave me such problems, they would force me to give them my lunch money or beat me up. Instead of the school punishing them, they were made into varsity football players. One of them, Anthony Davis, walked towards me. “Why isn’t it a little Violet Walkins?” His voice purred. “I haven’t seen you since eighth grade, where have you been?” I gripped my bag tighter. “Big school.” I forced my voice out. “I’ve seen many people I’ve not seen since eighth grade either.” I started to move away, but the other players blocked my way. “I’m going to be late.” I said. But Anthony laughed darkly. “That's none of my concern. Look here V.”
He spun me around to face him, I flinched by instinct, my voice shook as I spoke. “Anthony, I’m not 13 anymore. You can’t start this up again.” He tilted his head. “I’m not going to beat you up. Well I am if you don’t accept this favor.” I tensed slightly. “Accept what?” I shot at him. I stood straighter. He smiled, an evil one that showed far too much teeth. “To be my date to homecoming next month of course!” I laughed. “Yeah right, like I’d ever go to homecoming with a peice of shit such was yourself.” He gripped my shirt. “Do you want to say that again?". He started raising a fist towards my face, I closed my eyes, ready to feel the connection of his fist to my face.
“Anthony Davis.” A voice said. It was sharp and commanding. I opened my eyes, seeing the ‘guidance consultant’/Vice Principal Mr.Smith standing there. “Aren’t you supposed to be in football right now?” Anthony let go of my shirt. “Just, seeing an old friend Mr.Smith!” He placed a fake smile, but Mr.Smith knew that was bullshit. “Principals office. Now.” Anthony sighed. “Yes Mr.smith.” Then looked at me, mouthing ‘you are so dead after school.’ Then he started walking. I knew if I stood longer I would be late then sent to the office. I grabbed my stuff and started running down the hall, entering my math class as the bell rang. My teacher, Mr.brown smiled. “Welcome Violet! Glad to see you decided to join us on time!” I sat in my seat, I felt a tap on my back. I turned around and saw Matt, I handed him a piece of paper.
Matt:
V, you alright? You look like you saw a ghost.
Me:
Anthony David cornered me right now.
Matt:
Oh god, what did he do this time?
Me:
Decided to threaten/ask me out to homecoming.
Matt:
…that bitch.
Me:
THAT'S WHAT I’M SAYING!!!
I
I looked at the board. Seeing Mr.Brown still droning on about finding the X variable. I looked at the clock ‘only 730 hours till my doom.’ My thoughts purred. ‘Just got to survive until then’ I quickly drew a flower on my Assignment. Then stared at it, when the bell rang I grabbed my stuff. I checked my phone seeing a message from Melinda in the group chat containing me and Matt too, she had typed “wanna hang out after school?” Matt replied a thumbs up, I just sent a quick “ok” then walked out the door.
As long as everything goes well within this month it shall be fine.
Right?
Twenty days till that day.
(Melinda’s POV)
I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I smiled to myself. ‘Twenty days till homecoming!’ I thought ‘only 480 hours till the best day of our lives.’ I sat up as my phone buzzed. A text from Matt and Violet saying they were here. I got up and threw on my shoes. I ran downstairs. “Mom!” I called out. “I’m going out! I’ll be back before dinner!” Then grabbed the keys and ran out. Violet and Matt were already standing out. Matt was smiling. “Homecoming shopping for our wonderous lady here!” He chimed as he getsuerer to Violet. She sighed. “Guys, I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal.” I walked out the car with her and Matt, opening the car door as everyone went in it. “Because!” I began. “You have no social life, you’ll thank us next month.” Violet rolled her eyes. “Fine…As long as I get to wear a suit.”
Matt groaned. “You and that suit. Cmon V, embrace the feminine side of yourself.” I nodded, turning the key into the engine. “Congrats Matt, You’ve grown a brain cell.” Matt placed a hand to his chest, gasping. “I’m wounded. I shall never recover.” Violet laughed. “Dear god Matt, maybe you need to embrace your masculine side as well.” Matt sat up. “I wish I could. But the theater calls for someone to lead the stage. I was chosen for that.” I started pulling out of the driveway. “V, we don’t have to buy anything today. We can just look.” Violet nodded. “Thank you Mel.” I nodded back. “Anytime. THAT'S what best friends are for. Now, to the mall!” Matt slowly reached to turn on the radio and I quickly slapped his hand. “We are NOT listening to musicals.” Matt groaned. “You have no taste Mel.” Violet sighed. “I wouldn’t mind a song from maybe…heathers?” I groaned. “As long as it isn’t me-“ Violet cut me off. “It’s meant to be yours.” I focused on the road. “FhhhhhINE.” Matt and Violet cheered, sticking the tape in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~at the mall cause I’m lazy rn~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“How about this one?” I said, pulling out a deep blue dress from the rack. “It’s your size, budget and…kinda of..” Violet glanced at it. “Revealing?” She murmured. I put it back into the rack. “Yeah…” Matt pulled out a suit. “What if we just bought a suit and you can sew things on it? Like customized it. How about that V?” Violet paused, mulling the thought over. “I like that idea actually. I am getting better at sewing.” Matt cheered. “That’s what I'm talking about V!” I sighed. “Now the hard part is converting men’s sizes to women's.” Violet paused. “A medium in men’s is large in women’s. So a small would be my size,” I paused. “How’d you know that?” Violet shurgged. “Desgin class. That and our freshmen orientation shirts were all men's sizes.” Matt nodded. “It was so big on you V.” Violet laughed. “God it was.” She pulled a small size suit off of the rack. “In budget, basic color and I have felt and fabric left. It’s perfect.” I nodded. “Good, now let’s get some food. I’m hungry.” Matt and Violet smiled. “Agreed.”
We all sat in the food court. Eating whatever it had to offer. Violet looked a little distracted. “Hey V, you ok?” I questioned. Violet quickly nodded. “Y-yeah. Just..thinking about the design for the suit.” She murmured. I nodded. “Ok, but if something is bothering you, let me know ok?” She stared at her food, then. “Ok.” We ate in silence for five minutes, then a voice behind us. “There she is!” Then a group of guys came over. Violet looked at the ground. “Anthony…” she began but Anthony laughed, throwing her to the ground. “We aren’t in school V, Mr.Smith isn’t here to save you now.” One his football goons laughed. “Yeah,” he chimed in. “You better reconsider Anthony’s proposal for homecoming.” Me and Matt stood up. “Hey, leave her alone!” Two of the footballs grabbed us “You're not going anywhere little lady.” One of them said to me, Anthony Davis walked over to Violet. “Go homecoming with me V. I’ll let them go. If you refuse….” He snapped, to which the football players raised fists between me and Matt’s faces. “Maybe I won’t be as nice.” I tried to get out of the grip. “V! Don’t do it! We can handle it!” Violet looked up at Anthony. Then…
“Ok…i‘ll go with you.” She whispered. Her voice was so small. Anthony snapped again, the football players dropped us. “Wonderful!” He exclaimed. “I’ll make sure to pick you up then. Come along now boys.” He started walking away. “We got practice soon.” As they walked out, I turned to Violet. “What the FUCK WAS THAT V?!” I yelled. “You shouldn’t have done that! We could’ve handled it.” Matt looked at me. “Mel..” I didn’t pay attention to his warning, "Anthony Davis will use you. You remembered what he did in eighth.” Finally Matt yelled. “MELINDA!” I looked down at Violet, she was shaking and scared. “I-I-I’m sorry.” She stuttered out. “Shit….I’m sorry V. I forgot…” I helped her up, my voice became softer. “I’m serious though. Next time, just say no.” Violet nodded. “ Of course Mel…” she checked her phone. “I have to go home, see you guys later ... .my dad is picking me up.” Matt nodded. “Ok V, I’ll see you Monday at school ok?” Then she left.
I think..even though I wasn’t the one who committed it…I think I was the final nail in the coffin to start the trail of Violet’s murder.
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142,241 Literary Works • 677,072 Reviews
I adore your writing style! Firstly, I noticed the “a week after that day” a “month before that day”, and in addition to finding this really helpful to identifying the time duration of this story, it piqued a lot of interest for what exactly “that day” meant. After reading your work, reflecting back on those words helped a ton. What I really like about the pacing and organization of your writing is that the story is slowly building up to the very first scene presented. I didn’t quite understand the meaning of this chapter until I went back and reread the beginning. I love how it leaves the reader with a “ohhh that’s why” feeling.
As criticism, I found it a bit unexpected for the story to be told from Violet’s perspective when she was presumably murdered. From how your work is organized, it leads me to believe that Violet will be getting more perspective chapters, but if this is not the case, it could be a bit difficult to follow if the story is told from a single person’s perspective for a single chapter and another’s perspective for the rest of the story, especially if the story begins with the disappeared person’s perspective. While this can be a weakness in consistency, making this consistent can also make things hit a lot harder when Violet dies, because she’s not only the first character presented with some normalcy after the court scene, but her joking around and being familiar with Melinda can help readers sympathize. Consistently keeping chapters from Violet’s perspective mixed in with the present doesn’t only make cliffhangers more interesting, but also humanizes her more. It’s up to you, so please take this criticism with a bag of salt.
Other than that, I really like how you began your story with a really compelling scene that gave the me a ton of questions. One of my favorite things about this work is the usage of nicknames—nicknames indicate familiarity, and the way the characters interact also shows closeness. Readers get to become attached to Matt, Melinda, and Violet, which will probably make it hurt even more when Violet gets murdered. Each character is deeply personal and unique, with clear traits that are quickly presented at the beginning.
Something else I noticed is the obvious trauma that Violet seems to demonstrate whenever she’s near Anthony. Violet appears to have had boy trouble at least twice, once with Travis, and another time with Anthony. With Travis, this suggests vulnerability, when Violet seeks out somebody else, thinking that love, a relationship, or simply a connection might be the cure to coping with grief. In the case Violet had a romantic relationship with Travis, it could imply that Violet is avoidant towards her pains, trying to boost herself with as much dopamine and excitement as she can to avoid dopamine crashes and moody lows. If she was simply seeking a connection, this could suggest that she doesn’t feel that she can share her feelings with Melinda or Matt. This could mean that she is fearful of burdening them, she expects a negative reaction based off past experiences, or something else. Violet appears to deeply fear Anthony, showing signs of trauma and anxiety and long term harassment. This develops her as a more relatable character, and being asked out by Anthony is evidently a recipe for disaster. It’s easy for readers to already craft a prediction of the plot of this story in their mind from the information we’re given—Violet was asked out by her bully, then murdered by him. In my humble opinion, if you don’t feel strong attachment to the plot, it would be interesting if there was a plot twist, like if Anthony hadn’t meant to kill Violet, or if he was acting out of self-defense.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this, and I’ll definitely be keeping this work in mind in case of any updates. Your story is really interesting and written very compellingly, so I hope you’ll keep writing it. Thanks for reading and I hope you like my analysis!
Pretty unrelated, but violets can symbolize modesty and humility, like how Violet was looking for more modest clothing. They can also symbolize mourning, and remembrance, which ties back to Violet’s death and absence.
Hiya!
This has the basis for a reallllly interesting story and I can't wait to see how it unfolds! I love the way you start with the end because then the reader is searching for clues throughout the rest of the piece to see how we could've gotten there.
One general thing, does speech usually go on separate lines? I'm not sure if it's a rule but usually it does, and definitely helps tell who is speaking. In the second half I definitely got lost with who was saying what.
I have a few suggestions, but feel free to ignore if I've missed the point of anything
This is a great opening line to set the scene, we know that we're in a court room which automatically suggests a crime has been committed. A minor thing, maybe 'and' instead of a comma? It doesn't read quite right. Also your simile is good but it feels slightly clunky. Is the court scared of the judge? Do they feel targeted? From the dialogue follows they seem to be on the side of the judge and what they conceive to be justice, so perhaps it's just your narrator that feels like prey? Or you could merge the two sentences to something else; 'like a trembling rabbit caught in the fox's gaze' or 'the court was cowed into silence like prey under the predator's claw.' Just a suggestion
This is really powerful, and immediately conveys the aggressive feelings behind it. It's something that (unfortunately) every girl is familiar with; the coarse and unimaginative insult which idiots always use. It definitely creates sympathy for your speaker.
I'm a bit confused about what's happening, who actually is your speaker? It's Melinda representing Violet, but I thought Violet was murdered? Sorry if I've misunderstood something. Also 'couldn't' might be more realistic for her speech if she's still in school. It feels a bit more natural.
Ooooo subtly dropping in some lore! I love this. I did get a little confused what you meant, was Travis literally saving last year? Saving her, last year? How was he saving her, because it feels like he was trying to save her in a way she didn't want. With a relationship? The second line feels powerful but that gets a bit lost because I don't actually understand.
This made me giggle. A perfect humorous cliche. This might be personal preference but would it be photosynthesise? Instead of photosynthesis?
This is brilliant! Slightly humorous with the sarcastic tone, but when you think about it, what's happened isn't funny at all.
Sorry I don't understand, maybe this could be reworded? Is this a sassy insult? Were they held back a few years or something?
I loooooove the whole next para! There are a few little spelling errors, but other than that it's the perfect American Highschool bully feeling. And a crazy plot twist!
In the para after that, where the teacher appears, where does the teacher go? Do they just disappear? It feels a bit mean that they don't even address Violet but if that's a deliberate choice to show how unhelpful the school is then ignore me.
Your speaker hands Matt a note, but then Matt is the first one to ask a question? Surely he's the one that hands her the note. I think this needs flipped. Also Anthony Davis is now Anthony David.
In the paragraph after the notes, you might want to change around the punctuation or add an 'and' here and there, grammatically it doesn't run quite right. Also with the teachers Mr Whatever or Mr. Whatever works fine, but there should probably be a space between the Mr and the name.
This reads like if everything is fine everything will be fine. Maybe change the wording a little so it's less repetitive?
There's lots of full stops here, it's like a step by step which we don't really need.
Hahahaha this is good. Some realistic, light teenage banter. I also love this little extra detail of Violet's personality which we get here, she's not a stereotypical girl but instead she's unique and not afraid to stand out.
Also funny, but maybe Matt could say something smart then do something stupid like fumble his keys so that the sarcasm has a source. Right now it feels a little like a random insult without any basis.
I LOVE the rest of the chatting sequence, it shows how at ease they all are together and you show us each character's personality in a really natural way!
I also love this! More insight into Violet's character; she's creative! The rest of the chatting is good too, though I get a bit confused who is speaking. Maybe you could try starting a new line when someone else starts speaking?
Very compassionate, definitely makes the reader curious how Mel ends up defending herself at court...
This is very funny, personally I love that they're footballs instead of footballers but this might get flagged by a teacher as a mistake.
OOOOOOh this is good, but it doesn't read quite right. It sounds like one of the footballers just put their fist between their heads instead of both gearing up to swing.
This feels really important, but the meaning does get lost a bit; using her suggests assault but it isn't obvious. Also 'remembered' needs a tense change.
OMG PLOT TWIST! Brilliant final line in the present tense because it adds that reflective but also predestined tone. Whatever's happened cannot be changed, and all Mel can do is tell. WAIT I THINK I JUST GOT IT, Mel's telling the story to the judge? Ohhhhhh that makes so much sense. Literal lightbulb moment. THAT'S SO COOL! Also I do love an aphorism, I put them in any and all of my creative school work. My favs are 'all that glitters is not gold' and 'better to reign in hell than serve in heaven' (gotta love Milton). But I'm getting sidetracked. This is a BRILLIANT line but I feel like it could be refined a little bit. The first 'I think' could probably go, then the last part about the 'trail of Violet's murder' doesn't quite make sense. It doesn't really make sense that from this point on V is doomed, especially as there is supposedly 20 days left, so maybe nail in the coffin could go somewhere else. You could maybe suggest Mel is the one that started it; got the boulder rolling or something. Because you've got a reflective tone, perhaps it could be even more speculative. These are just suggestions but maybe 'I lie awake at night wondering if it could've gone differently. If I could have saved her. I keep telling myself I couldn't have known what was going to happen, what I'd accidentally caused. But I know, deep down, that I set the murderer on their path, that I set the boulder rolling and I was the one who didn't notice until it was too late and Violet was crushed under it's vengeful weight.' Something more reflective could work better, and something that hints at exactly how Mel was actually responsible because I can't see any way she could be so far. I got a vague feeling from the earlier cryptic comment about Mel's connection to Anthony that it might be a revenge thing?
Sorry, I realise I've just written a proper hefty review...oops. I've been procrastinating revision. Overall this has all the elements of a fantastic creative writing piece! Your narrative structure is on point especially as it's framed within the trial, and all the foreshadowing creates apprehension in the reader for the discovery of how the murder was committed. Not a whodunnit but whydunnit.
My final tips would be to check the spelling before you submit, there are a few scattered about, and to try changing the speech format because that was the most confusing part for me.
Well done though! Feel free to use or ignore my advice but with a few tweaks this could be amazing, I've picked out the stuff I would change more than the stuff I liked, but just know everything I didn't highlight I loved. There's absolutely nothing wrong with the story, it's just a few wording and grammar things. Good luck!
Omg no this is exactly what I needed! I think I wrote Anthony Davis’s pov already and that does need some help lol