My feet touch the beam
Cold
The gym
The school
Loud
No care for the
Damage
Just
Destruction
I fall from the
Beam
The noise
Stops
I see a face
Looking
Down
A stranger
"I'm fine"
I sit up
I scurry
Away
I run
Fast
Away from
School
The destruction
At once
I am greeted
By the clean air
Pure
I slow
I walk barefoot
Across cement
Dirty
Soon
Not soon enough
I make it
The sounds of the forest
I let out a breath
I lay
Basking
I am a lizard
This is my habitat
The sun is red
The sky is yellow
Clouds drift
Lazily
A squirrel chitters
Earth worms squirm
The leaves
Fall
The sound of babbling brooks
Birds singing
It is calming
Serene
The slow
Footfalls
Awake me
Odd
The sound of trampling
In my woods
Mine
Aggravating
The sound of
Voices
Gruff
Harsh
Trespassers
They don't belong
The birds stop singing
The voices too
Quiet
Too quiet
Then I hear it
The bang
The sound of a wounded animal
Poachers
I tiptoe
Away
I begin to
Climb
Climb a tree
Away
Away from this
Hell
No, not hell
More than that
Torture
Intrusion
On the place
I call
Home
The place I hang
My
Hat
Is being
Destroyed
Obliterated
Slowly
Overtime
Not all at once
But slow enough
So, I must
Suffer
Suffer through
This
All alone
By
Myself
No one else
Just me
My only
Friends
The inhabitants
Of this
Forest
Going away
The more they take
Evil
It is a strong word
But the right
How can one
Take
And take
Without stoping to
Give
Not be
Taking from the
Defenseless
The weak
The small
Anger bubbles
Bubbles
Bubbles
Bubbles
Down to my feet
Up to my head
And then its
Gone
Blown away in the wind
Forgotten
A new feeling
Fills
A warm one
Not cold
Or hot
Warm
A good feeling
Not bad
I feel
Braver
Ready to do
Anything
To save my home
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142,671 Literary Works • 679,438 Reviews
Kodi!! I am so honored to have this beautiful piece dedicated to me :,) I only hope my review can do justice to this gift!
I think you've done a great job at encapsulating the narrator's closeness to the forest here. The metaphor of becoming one with the nature, transforming into an animal, is effective at bringing the connection between person + woods to the forefront of the reader's mind. Whereas in the previous iteration the narrator's description of their surroundings appeared more so as adoration, now it serves as connective tissue between the forest and their sense of self. I hope that makes sense! It's awesome to see!This seems almost like a sequel or addition to your previous work, I see a novel in the future, which I'll link here. It makes mention of the forest you illustrated there, as well as the poachers, who make a return -- but this time what's so lovely is that you've really nailed down how their presence affects our narrator, who has a nicely visceral response to it, beginning to spiral via their own thoughts. That's a great improvement that I was thrilled to see! I feel I have so much more of an idea now as to the threat that the poachers pose on this forest.
(**Edit, it seems to be the next chapter, my apologies for not noticing that earlier! Great to see you're building on this universe!)
I want to shout out a couple of lines that I quite like:
The ending is much clearer, as well. It almost seems to foreshadow the narrator's action(s) against the poachers, and highlights a newfound determination that indicates an arc from their initial fear. I think there's a lot of nuance here that has blossomed through your edit and I'm thrilled to have been able to read it! I'm looking forward to seeing what else you publish, Kodi.
Keep writing, and I hope you'll stay true to yourself and your words.
As i say probbably to much, thank you very much. I appreciate you and i thank you very much.