‘Here is your mini screen buddy. Keep it dry, keep it clean, charge it every night, keep it close, keep it safe. But don’t use it.’
Gaming is not good for you
scrolling is not good for you
alarms can be replaced
trackers can be replaced
e-wallets can be replaced
emails and messages can be sent on your laptop, the proper working area.
Careful those valuable screens
they might be hacked
they might be smashed
buy plans to keep it safe.
But don’t use it.
But somehow all your friends are using it.
Scrolling, filming ‘tik tok’, ‘snapping’ people.
Sending invitations into each other’s worlds.
you don’t have an excuse to put it down
because the moment you do, they look away
‘you’re not interesting’
‘so you’re a neek’
‘so you’re a nerd’
A nerd who studies hard enough to forget about a phone
a nerd who studies hard enough to be cut off from her friends
but just not enough to fly in her studies.
I tried.
I tried enjoying it.
I tried ignoring it.
And somehow, I disappoint both sides,
parents, teachers, friends, myself, and my mini screen buddy.
They don’t mean me harm, those little screens.
They’re bought for me, a luxury in someone else’s dreams.
They mean love, they mean someone cares; a necessity,
or so it seems.
But don’t use it.
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Canary word: Present
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142,252 Literary Works • 677,086 Reviews
This is wayyyy too accurate to the way the world is right now. You can have devices but you have to use them enough but also not too much. I love how you called it the "mini screen buddy" because it's very accurate. Honestly I get that this is talking about a phone or devices in general but it also reminds me of a Tamagotchi lol. Sooo let's get into the review now, starting with the good.
- First of all I love the language using the word "neek" is so niche but I love it! It's so clever yet so accurate at the same time.
- Secondly I love the feeling behind the poem, you can feel the struggle between trying to be enough but also realizing people will ALWAYS judge no matter what you do. I feel like this can apply to everything in life. You can't be too much or something or too little (I know it's not directly the idea behind the poem but made me think about that).
- I love the formatting with this poem too. The stanza's are so clean and easy to read. The flow between stanza's is good too.
- My favorite line is :
It's so accurate and also such a realistic line. Also the flow is soo good :>
Now onto the critique :
- Honestly there isn't much I see to make better, maybe cleaning up the flow on two lines but really it's a good poem.
Overall a great poem, hope you continue writing :>
- Sullen
thank you! I can see why you said tamagotchi
Hi! I'm new to the very interesting world of poetry, so if my review doesn't make sense, don't hold it against me, lol.
First, I saw your comment, and I think how you changed your perspective in the last two paragraphs was effective and landed really well!
Next, I really do like how real, but also incredibly raw, this piece is! Speaking about disappointing everyone in the end is really powerful.
I also really like the repetition of the phrase "But don’t use it." It's really powerful, and I think it gives the piece meaning.
Thank you for sharing this!!!
Was it effective or confusing how I changed my perspective at the end 2 paragraphs? It was deliberate, but did it sound weird?
thank you for reading.
Lightswitch.