Cover art for Unsolved Deceptions Chapter 1 Standing in Oblivion

Unsolved Deceptions Chapter 1 Standing in Oblivion

by MAC809

Published September 13, 2026

16+ Language

In Unsolved Deceptions FINAL VERSIONS

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Darkness, was all that was there. I couldn’t tell if it was dark or if my eyes were closed, but I couldn’t feel my arms, legs, hands, feet anything. It didn’t feel like I was there just a floating spectacle lost in some dream, but the next thing I knew my feet were standing on some sort of polished marble floor, and I could feel myself again, then I heard a voice, a woman’s voice. 

“A new soul has finally arrived, about time.” it sounded amused but also slightly bitter and impatient. My eyes finally lifted from the ground below me and I was met with quite the peculiar sight. Dark grey portals surrounded what looked like a ballroom ripped from earth now floating in a void like predators looming over me.

 In the center stood a golden statute of what looked like a beheaded angel grasping onto a golden orb. Behind it were stairs that reached a looming blood crimson door in the shadows, a black smooth sphere was imbedded in the center, but it’s purpose I didn’t know. Marble pillars surrounding me held up a beautiful golden ceiling. 

Where glowing chandeliers hung coating this room in a dim light. “Holy shit!” I exclaimed in pure shock, I stumbled back my feet nearly tripping over the edge of this floor making me almost fall into the black void but I barely managed to grasp onto a pillar before I could fall. That was when I heard a laugh of cruel amusement.

 I looked up at the source of that voice, there stood a tall and mysterious looking woman, looked to be around my age but slightly younger. Her skin pale and hair white and short flowing around her head like smoke, her eyes like that of piercing sharp emeralds. She wore a black cloak like dress that hung off her arms and pooled onto the floor like dripping black paint.

 

 With glowing purple crystals she wore in the center of her chest, as a necklace and earrings. “Who the fuck are you?! Where am I!?” I blurted out in pure bewilderment, still holding onto the pillar for dear life. “Now aren’t you a pathetic klutz? Nowhere near a suitable replacement, you’ll last one portal at best.” 

She sneered, but none of her words were making sense, nothing about this was making sense, this had to be a dream, it had to be, but I wouldn’t wake up. I tried to recall the last thing I remembered and it hit me, the books, the legends of the Riddle of Heaven, the outline of the demonic symbol I drew in crimson paint, the words I chanted before pressing the cold metal gun under my chin.

I was dead? Really dead? And this little ritual I had done in recklessness desperation had actually worked? I was so caught up in shock that I barely registered that woman speaking again. “Hm? Though I see you have a flashlight, that’s new, none of the other people to have come here ever had any items with them. It may come in handy for you, eventually…

But I doubt you’ll make it anyway.” I paused and looked down at the black flashlight in my hand I didn’t even realize I was holding, wait, other people have done this before? What happened to them? But then I froze as another thought struck me, “wait a minute…I never told you my name, who are you and how in hell do you know my name?” 

I demanded sharply, I was through with her games, I was through with all this confusion, I needed answers. The woman just laughed as if finding this greatly amusing. “Oh, I know much more than that, I know all your secrets, your memories and desires, I can read you like a book.” She teased. “Just tell me who you are already!” 

I demanded, I wasn’t gonna let her keep me in the dark. “Oh, a feisty one? The last person was more…quiet…” her voice trailed off briefly on those last view words before she quickly composed herself, “if you must know, my name is Bierce.” She stated. “A wish to your darkest desire is what you seek, but it doesn’t come for free, much suffering is necessary to get it…” 

Those words gave me a chill, but I straightened up, my eyes narrowing, “So what are you, some sort of witch?” I asked bitterly, she rolled her eyes. “‘Witch’ haven’t heard that one before. Sure, I’m a witch, now how about you shut up so this ‘witch’ can explain what you need to do?” Her voice turned sharp, I think she was started to get annoyed with me to.

Honestly she already seemed annoyed with me the moment I entered this place. “To grant your wish you must obtain the pieces to a powerful ring, hidden in nightmares behind each of these portals, collect the pieces, and bring them to me from each, understand?” She explained, I squinted on high alert for any traces of deception, she was hard to read. 

This entire situation was puzzling and confusing. “Wait…What do you mean by nightmares?” I cautiously asked, she chuckled, “Remember what I said about how suffering is needed to get your wish? Well…Those nightmares are what I’m talking about.” She explained with a cruel grin. A shiver ran down my spine, though.

I guess I shouldn’t have expected to have my wish handed to me on a silver platter but why did this woman want to torture me like this? “So you put my worst nightmares in these portals while I get this ring for you? What are you, a sadist?” I questioned with a scowl, I didn’t like this woman one bit. She laughed, “I’m not the one responsible for the nightmares, Evans.” 

I had a hard time believing that, but her tone did sound genuine, “then who?” I asked, “you’ll find out soon” was all she said, I gave her a dirty look, no one could keep secrets from me. “I suppose we should get this show on the rode than, unless you’d prefer to just stay here for all eternity with me?” She teased, before the first portal shifted from grey to a sharp glowing crimson. 

In the center looked to be a symbol of a face, it looked like…A monkey? With razor sharp teeth and an unsettling grin. An odd sight, but unsettling. It took me a while to process this situation here, I was in a ballroom in a middle of a literal void from a ritual I didn’t even think would work, with a woman who’s motives I have no clue.

And 10 portals with whatever “nightmare” awaited me inside run by some mysterious person that Bierce won’t tell me. Every rational thought in my head told me this was a bad idea but there was no other option, the only door was the red one that led to nothing, and everywhere else just led to an endless black void.

 So against all my better judgement I slowly stepped toward it, but just before I could step inside the portal I stopped, turning back to Bierce. “What do you get out of this exactly? Or are you just so nice you’re just going to grant my wish for no reason?” I asked sarcastically with a dash of suspicion, her expression didn’t change, “that is for me to know” was all she said. 

I rolled my eyes but what could I do? I had nowhere else to go? And if I was able to get this ring, I only had one wish in mind, to bring back my best friend. So with my flashlight in hand, I stepped into the portal for whatever darkness awaited me.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
moon1
Review
moon1 wrote a review Review · Oct 5

Okay I really liked this!!

The whole opening felt so eerie. Like the “I couldn’t tell if it was dark or if my eyes were closed” part immediately gave me that weird feeling of being nowhere and everywhere at the same time. And then BOOM—random floating ballroom in the void, portals everywhere, a creepy golden angel statue and a mysterious woman basically waiting there like she’s been expecting Evans

Bierce is honestly my favorite part so far. She is SO suspicious. Every time Evans asks a completely reasonable question she basically goes “you’ll find out” and walks away with her secrets.

And Evans is actually making me laugh because he’s clearly terrified but he’s still like “okay but what do YOU get out of this exactly?” 😭 Priorities.

The flashlight thing also caught my attention because why is HE the only person who arrived with an item?? That feels way too specific to be meaningless. And then there’s the whole “other people have come here before” thing... excuse me??? WHERE ARE THEY???

Also the fact that his entire reason for doing this is wanting to bring his best friend back makes the whole thing way more interesting. He isn't just collecting magical ring pieces because some creepy lady told him to—he actually has something he desperately wants.

And that monkey portal at the end??? Yeah absolutely not. The second I saw “razor sharp teeth and an unsettling grin” I would've turned around and sat beside Bierce forever.

I definitely want to know who's actually behind the nightmares, what Bierce REALLY wants, what happened to everyone before Evans, and why Evans seems to be different from them.
Am exicted to read next!

MAC809 replied · Oct 5

Omg thank you for enjoying it! I got the opening idea from a Dark Deception trailer where we see the soul of the protagonist form from the void into the ballroom seemingly from nothing it just felt interesting to try and describe what that would feel like, glad you liked it. Yeah Bierce be a mysterious woman cuz in the game when you first meet her she basically tells you nothing lol and you’re just expected to run with it but Evans isn’t a doormat like that so he is always questioning and being suspicious of Bierce which makes for a really fun dynamic to write. Also don’t worry about the other people who did this I swear nothing happened to them…👀 And it makes sense to give Evans a proper motive cuz I don’t think ANYONE would get the ring just cuz some random lady told them to (unless they one hell of a simp lol) and if you think the monkey in the portal is scary oh boy just you wait for chapter 2 and I’m glad you’re curious about the mysteries of this place, soon you’ll discover tahr truth my friend….😈

moon1 replied · Oct 6

Yep!!

User avatar
Tikaya
Review
Tikaya wrote a review Review · Sep 26

Alright! Let’s see what the actual story will bring us :3

Yay another victimperson I can introduce to the wonders of proper dialogue formatting. If you would direct your attention here please? topic/44898-punctuation-within-dialogue
Very important stuff~ Moving on!

That said, I would love to have a bit more time with our narrator before we are trust into these lengthy descriptions of what I am sure are very cool game locations! Like what is their emotional state? How do they feel about being lost in a dream, abt suddenly hearing this woman’s voice? Abt not being where they were before? If you weave these emotional beats into your descriptions, you’ll end up with a very immersive reading experience :3 For now, we only really got scaffolding. As if each paragraph is only ever allowed to do one thing instead of weaving multiple threads together ^^

What makes the woman so mysterious-looking? (Mind the dash, another grammar tip XD)
Also if you go “looked abt my age” only to immediately follow with “only slightly younger” why not immediately go with “who looked slightly younger than me”?

Love how you describe her hair as flowing like smoke :3

I do like that we get an explanation on why the narrator is where they are now. That reads well ;3
Oha and they needed to SHOOT themselves to fulfill the ritual? O_O Aiaiaiai! They had to be really really desperate then!

Hmmm it sounded like they were holding a gun before they died. Wonder where the flashlight comes from. Intriguing! (Maybe the gun transformed to it as a metaphor or symbol for their future character arc?)

Uhm the woman did NOT say their name? So… why are they freaking out over this?

I am also a bit confused, her previous guy already worked really hard on collecting the pieces. Are you saying he lost them ALL without bringing her ANY? Have they returned to their previous places? How does this work???

I kinda sounds to me like these ppl should just summon Malak and stop going over the Bierce middlewoman. Malak can also grant their wishes and more effectively at that too XD

Hm chilling in a ballroom with Bierce until she fesses up all the secrets kinda does sound preferable to living through my worst nightmares…

but there was no other option
Uhm, Evans, you’re already dead in the real world. There is NOTHING you really can do abt this. So why dismiss the chilling out with the crew in the schoolyard option? XD
I kinda wish they would elaborate more on their reasons. It feels a little too rushed for my liking :3


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EDIT: I also feel like you could work a little on your summaries. They don't rly tell us anything abt your story, no?

MAC809 replied · Oct 4

Hello! Thank you for the review!

Firstly, thank you so much for the dialogue grammar resources, grammar has always been my weakness so this was very helpful!

I think I made the first part short because really they’re kinda just in the middle of forming into existence in this realm, like they don’t have much thoughts or feelings yet just drifting in nothing as their soul forms here if that makes sense? But yeah I like the idea of putting not only the description but also how Evans feels about it as well which would’ve been great to add.

And I guess I was trying to show and not tell with why Bierce looks mysterious, kinda because she’s this random women in some floating ballroom with a dark cloak on, but I probably should’ve been more specific. (Also thank you for the hair description compliment :3)

And yeah if Evans had no idea why he was here than there’s no way he’d go along with Bierce’s stuff lol and I really wanted to show not tell with the suicide for the ritual, I just really like the description off the gun under the chin rather than just saying he shot himself booooooring.

Also there’s a reason he had a flashlight instead of gun but I can’t tell you that cuz it would spoil. But it would be so funny if he had a gun thought dude is just shooting all the monsters that he comes across lol.

DAMNIT In the orignal draft Bierce said Evens name I must’ve accidentally took it out while editing it and didn’t change Evans dialogue accordingly I can’t believe I didn’t notice 😫

Also the last guy actually did get a lot of them but yes, in the lore once you are dead all the progress is gone. That’s just how it is Dark Deception but if I had to give a reason it would be that they collect the pieces by absorbing it within their soul so once the soul is gone that gets erased if that makes sense? Idk Dark Deception logic.

Also there’s actually questioning within the story of whether to not Evans should trust Bierce or if maybe Malak is the better option hehehehe >:3

And technically Evans could just stay in the ballroom for all eternity but not only would that make one boring ass story but also he also wants to get this ring to save his friend not just because it’s his only option. And he do learn more in detail as to who Evans friend is why he wants to bring him back how he died etc but I wanted to save that for later chapters because that story is a HUGE can of worms I wanted to save for later and not spill it all immediately.

User avatar
4revgreen
Review
4revgreen wrote a review Review · Sep 26

A Butterfly has landed to review your work!

Hello, Rev here, and I’ll be using the butterfly review template to review your work as part of Team Butterflies this Review Day!

The Egg
First impressions


The idea of a portal hooked me right out of the gate, but what really grabbed me was that it felt rooted in something darker and heavier than the genre usually opens with. The line:

I tried to recall the last thing I remembered and it hit me, the books, the legends of the Riddle of Heaven, the outline of the demonic symbol I drew in crimson paint, the words I chanted before pressing the cold metal gun under my chin.


tells us that the protagonist entered this realm due to suicide, which really distinguishes this story from similar ones I have read of people ending up in other worlds after death!


The Caterpillar Hatches
What hooked you in


Other than the opening, what hooked me in was the description in the opening paragraph:

Darkness, was all that was there. I couldn’t tell if it was dark or if my eyes were closed, but I couldn’t feel my arms, legs, hands, feet anything. It didn’t feel like I was there just a floating spectacle lost in some dream, but the next thing I knew my feet were standing on some sort of polished marble floor, and I could feel myself again, then I heard a voice, a woman’s voice.


The way you describe floating like a spectacle makes it very dreamlike but in a creepy rather than relaxing way!

Growing & Molting
Pacing



The pacing is pretty quick, and the story is mostly dialogue-driven. I think the middle could be tighter, since it repeats the narrator's confusion a few times, which could be trimmed.

Spinning the Chrysalis
Plot/Structure



There is a clear structure set out in this first chapter: arrival → confrontation → rules of the world → first task. Introducing the ten-portal structure gives you an episodic shape for the rest of the novel. Ending at the threshold of portal one is a strong stopping point since it completes the first arc of how the protagonist got there, but also leaves us wanting more.

The Transformation
Weak parts / What could be improved


I couldn’t tell if it was dark or if my eyes were closed, but I couldn’t feel my arms, legs, hands, feet anything.


Should either be a comma after feet, or a dash

It didn’t feel like I was there just a floating spectacle lost in some dream,


Should be a comma after 'there'

“A new soul has finally arrived, about time.” it sounded amused but also slightly bitter and impatient.


Should be a capital I

“if you must know, my name is Bierce.” She stated.


Should be a comma, not a period, and a lowercase s since this is speech followed by a dialogue tag

The issues are mainly with sentence structure here, or grammar/punctuation, so a quick edit would be all you need! I also wish we learned the protagonist's name and what they looked like in this chapter, so I could picture them.

Wings Taking Shape
Strongest part


For me, the suicide flashback is the strongest part. It's understated and has no melodrama, just deals with the act.

First Flight
Overall impression


Overall, a really strong first chapter with an interesting premise, well done!

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MAC809 replied · Oct 4

Hello!

First I’m glad this story made a good first impression for you, I feel like having a strong start for the story is the most important part. And I really was going for a show don’t tell for the suicide because it’s more interesting and cool that way, and readers aren’t dumb I don’t need to spell it out for them.

Also I’m glad you enjoyed the floating in darkness part!

I’ll also be my best to improve my pacing and grammar for future chapters thank you for the input.

Overall glad you liked it, hope you stick around for the rest of the story!

User avatar
hira
Review
hira wrote a review Review · Sep 15

hey! hira here to review!

First off, I liked the ambiance of the chapter - the intro already creates a lot of confusion, and the description of the mysterious ballroom, portals, statues and crimson door gives a sense of wrongness, as if the narrator is in a place they shouldn't be in. I especially like how Bierce decided to give the portals different nightmares as an endevour, because it gives the chapter a goal while not revealing too much.

Bierce was also an interesting character to introduce. I like how she teases the narrator constantly, giving him just enough to peak his interest but not explain everything. Her attitude towards the protagonist is also amusing, as the protagonist seems to not accept everything Bierce tells them.

Ah yes, and the flashlight. A small little thing that Bierce had with her, that seems like nothing but becomes a goal for the protagonist. Nobody else arrived with a tool, so this little flashlight may have more meaning than meets the eye. The protagonist's desire to take their best friend with them also shows their interest in going into the portals despite the dangers that lie ahead.

I think you may want to go over the grammar and punctuation of the chapter again. Too many sentences are run-on, and could use a comma or a period to make breathing easier. For example, "Darkness, was all that was there" doesn't need that comma. There were also some typos here and there, like 'rode' instead of 'road' and 'started' instead of 'starting'.

I think you've set up mystery really well, and I'm very curious as to what lies behind the first portal! Good job! <3

MAC809 replied · Sep 15

Thanks so much for this review. Yeah the description parts in this chapter I really tried my hardest at and I’m quite proud of. I wanted to make this place kinda mystery at first since Bierce is so vague in the game so I wanted to highlight how that trait of hers could cause a lot of confusion and suspicion. And of course I gave her the classic Bierce sass which we see in the og game. And I’m probably gonna say this over and over again in my replies to reviews but so be it, if you really like these characters and concepts I think you should definitely check out Dark Deception the game. I know it’s on PC and PlayStation but it’s likely playable on other stuff too. It’s a cool game and I think it’s quite underrated.

And thank you for the grammar stuff my grammar isn’t the best but I try 😔



There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights.
— Bram Stoker