No person wants to see their lover ruined.
No person wants to see their friend destroyed.
Yet the Moon sits and watches.
yet the Ocean seethes and despises.
The Moon,
Gorgeous and wise.
A patron of femininity.
A kind soul with a strong mind.
The Ocean,
Free and always moving.
Loving and unforgiving.
A maker of hope and of fear.
The two lovers,
The two friends.
The two tormented souls.
The Ocean watches,
As men trample over
The Moon's body.
She watches
As the people prod and poke,
In the name of science.
In the name of "mankind."
The Moon watches,
As men throw their waste
Into the Ocean's body.
She watches
As the people intrude and kill
In the name of survival.
In the name of "necessity."
When will it stop?
When will we decide
That it is not time
To seperate the two lovers?
When will we choose love
Instead of hate?
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142,321 Literary Works • 677,212 Reviews
I like how you describe the ocean as seething and despising after saying how no one wants to see their lover or friend destroyed or ruined. It shows the feelings it has about what the men are doing to the moon.
I love this part because your saying (I think) when will we stop hating on lesbian couples and just let them be free, instead of hating on them or simply not taking them seriously.
I did see the person below my comment, but I had thought this before I saw theirs. Just didn't want it to seem like I'm copying. As this is my first time doing a review.
Thank you for noticing! I didn't want to be fully explicit when I said that men need to stop hating on or making lesbian relationships about them. This is my first time writing on here, so I didn't know the community! But I am so glad that you saw that!
I really enjoy your poem, you have laid the foundations for something truly astounding. I love the idea that the sea and moon are lovers, it just reads right to me. And I know this may be a stretch so ignore me if I am completely off base here, but it makes me think of how men treat lesbian relationships...again this may be a stretch...but I read the work as the metephore of two women both wronged by men who hope to find comfort in one another but continue to be tormented by men who refuse to leave them be. Similar to how many lesbian or sapphic relationships in society are treated as male fetishes or less serious because they do not involve a man.
Anyway sorry if I read way too far in the wrong direction, but that's what stuck with me. As for a simple critique, I would suggest the possibility of altering your last stanza to provide a stronger ending. I like the lack of finality but it has a bluntness that may weaken your prose a bit. Just some food for thought. Overall, brilliant piece. Happy writing!!
No you were completely on point!!! I’m so glad you saw it!!! I didn’t want to be too explicit, just because it’s my first time writing on here, but I am so happy that my point came across correctly!!!
It's a great poem! You really got you point across well. It's to not make this kind of poems to long or short, but you nailed it.
Its beautiful poem mate! The title remind me one of my poem about moon and ocean love story heheh