A/N: I decided that giving the project a code-name was overly paranoid! digestive system is now - and always has been - Flesh is The Way of The World.
They walk in single file. Chrissie’s steps are small and quiet - Lena, considerably taller, is constantly pulling ahead.
“The first time was through the tool cabinet in my parent’s shed.” Lena’s hands move energetically through the air; they almost look like birds. “Then it was an electrical box - y’know, the big ones you get on the street? Don’t ask why I was trying to get that open. Then it was the freezer.”
Chrissie nods, realises Lena isn’t looking, lets her head go still.
“…And bam! Here we are. In the labyrinth!”
An expectant glance over the shoulder signals that it is Chrissie’s turn to talk.
“Cupboard for me. Both times. Why do you call it that?”
“The labyrinth?” There is a flash of widening mouth, of bloody teeth. “Because it sounds metal as hell! Plus, it’s a bit of a maze in here. You’ve probably learned that already.”
The question buried deep in Chrissie’s chest: “Do you know how to get out?”
Lena stops so abruptly Chrissie almost bumps into her. “I guess so. I mean, it usually lets me go. After a while.”
“Usually?”
A shrug. A non-committal noise. Lena continues walking.
Well, Chrissie supposes, that’s okay. What does she have to go back for, anyway? She still isn’t certain this is more than a particularly long and vivid dream. Is it possible to stay awake so long that when sleep finally takes you, you’ll stay under for hours, days, a week? Chrissie hopes so - she wants things to be different, if she wakes.
Her attention drifts to Lena’s shoulders, the small of Lena’s back. If this is a dream, she wants to remember it well. The torchlight, trained on the back of Lena’s head. How dark it is, how severely it contrasts the pink-red-wet of the labyrinth walls. Lena’s hair - long, straight, dyed a fierce black, with shades of brown emerging at the roots. The black tank top that exposes her shoulders - awkward, bony, dotted with acne constellations. The sharp eyes and sharper nose that occasionally peek back, to see if Chrissie is still there.
Her looking is interrupted - the gullet floor has begun a sudden, sharp decline. Fearless, Lena bounds her way down. Chrissie passes down the torch, then begins a more cautious descent. She does not want to touch the flesh - she does not like the way it heaves.
Lena is cast into darkness. The light is trained on Chrissie, now. Her eyes keep watering, she has to squint. Worse - goosebumps flare up on her arms.
She stumbles, at the end, and almost falls. An arm flies out to catch her. Lena’s skin retains its softness, even where it strains against the bone.
“Thanks,” Chrissie murmurs. She draws away as soon as she is steady. Lena stands there, regarding her, slowly dropping her arm. The light blots out her face.
“So… did you come here to get away from your parents, too?”
“Nah,” Chrissie says. There is a short and pregnant pause. “My parents are in prison.” She brushes past, pushes onward, takes the lead.
“Damn,” Lena says. Two sets of squelching steps ring out, not quite in sync. “Sorry about that.”
“Is it your fault?”
“Hey. I’m trying to be polite.”
“Sorry,” Chrissie says. They both fall silent for a while. Chrissie in front and Lena behind. The weight of Lena’s eyes on the nape of Chrissie’s neck.
She blocks it out - focuses on the labyrinth walls instead. More clustering teeth, more hair. Patches of freckling skin. A tongueless, toothless mouth that gapes up from the floor.
At one point, the left wall falls away to reveal a vast and cavernous space. Lena casts the torchlight over it, barely makes a dent against the all-encroaching dark. There is a lake of clear-ish liquid, there is a cyst the size of a house. It reeks. It stings their eyes.
When Lena speaks, something in her voice has shifted. “This part always makes me… I don’t know. Not sad, but…”
“Not not sad?” Chrissie says, pawing at her eyes.
“Right.”
No more is said. They press on, side by side, wordlessly passing the torch back and forth. Their shoulders drift together, then apart, with each and every step. They pass lattice-like structures of interlocking bone. A single eye, crusted shut by honey-yellow sleep. A single kidney. A single lung. All fused into the walls, all fed by twisting threads of red/blue blood. Then: a high and narrow flesh-ravine, lined with a million million human tongues. Some searching, some still. Each one leashed on either side by a taut, wet muscle-strand.
“It looks like an anemone,” Lena breathes, “isn’t it cool?”
Chrissie is thinking of the spit against her skin, how it might leak inside her pores. “I don’t know,” she says.
“Right,” says Lena, “I mean. It’s pretty horrific, when you keep looking.”
“Yeah.”
They stand there, the two of them, at the mouth of the wriggling valley. The path ahead is barely wide enough to sidle through.
Chrissie, voice tight: “Can we go another way?”
"Not without a lot of back-tracking.” Lena turns her head, squints down at Chrissie’s face. “You really don’t like being touched, huh.”
Chrissie shrugs. What is she supposed to say to that?
“C’mon,” Lena pulls ahead, takes the torchlight with her. “It’s just tongues. What are they gonna do, lick us to death?” With that, her body slips into the gulch.
The tongues come alive as she moves past - tasting, probing, drawing circles on her skin. Lena shrieks, laughs, turns her head back to stick her own tongue out at Chrissie, wriggles it wildly around inside her mouth.
Chrissie stands there, dumbstruck, struggling more and more to make out Lena’s silhouette. There is only Lena’s laughter, only the tongues and their shadows, only a light drifting further and further away.
“Are you coming?” Lena shouts back, once she has reached the other side intact.
Chrissie takes a breath and plunges in.
Points:
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IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
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Well well well took me a moment, but I am back for Ch3!
Lena’s…mouth? It is a very poignant description, still feel like you could ground it a bit more?I wasn’t… even aware this was a code name lol
I like the first paragraph. It neatly reintroduces me to the story (it has been a moment, even for me 😊)
That said, I’m not so sure abt the simlie “they almost look like birds”. I dunno. My brain pulls a blank when I try to envision that. Usually I go by vibe when something stumps me like this but that also … doesn’t really work for me @.@ Are you trying to say she’s hectic?
I like the casual worldbuilding you do here. To show that these things move and every enclosed space with a door can work.
Hmmm Chrissie asking how to get out comes a bit out of nowhere. She went in here with no thoughts, or rather, with expectation and happiness. That she is uneasy abt how to leave feels a bit unwarranted?
I think there are pros and cons for the writing style you’ve chosen. It’s really unique and I love the consistency. But at the same time, it also makes sentences like the following feel too detached? You never give us a real glimpse into the motivations of your protagonist so if you suddenly hit us with a line like that, it feels almost immersion-breaking. More like “oh so this is what you thought but didn’t tell us last chapter, Chrissie. Why tell use NOW and not back then?”
I love how and why Chrissie describes Lena. It works so perfectly <3
Suddenly this is an issue? Also.. aren’t they walking on flesh too? I tried to find a reference to that in the last chapter but was unsuccessful. Hm.
Ohh I like this, also how you approach it in the story! Hmmm that explains some things. Looking forward to seeing more of this unravel~
I love this description!
Oha, now I wonder if the labyrinth is always the same or if it changes or if Lena has landed simply at different parts, always? Can one draw a map?
Ohhaaa now we have eyes in the walls too. Oh where are we? What is this? I am so curious!
I wish we would get an acknowledgement that this has NOT been an issue for her before ☹
I like that Lena can take a step back and compare this wall to anemones tho. I like that image =D
Ah ok also sounds like the labyrinth stays the same. Why doesn’t Chrissie ask where they are going, then?
I like that you end the chapter here. I don’t think anything earth-shattering will happen next chapter but I do like how… this feels like a great stopping point :3
I’m still very intrigued and engaged. Hopefully the writing and editing is going well~
Okay I have been anticipating this chapter so much, I hope one day you publish this story so I can mention it in my research (no pressure, no pressure)
I absolutely love the boundary ideas you play with here. Like, Chrissie and Lena are physically INSIDE a mouth, a body, something we should never be inside. There's a strict boundary between inside and outside; it's why we see vomit and blood as so abject because it comes from the inside, and it breaks that taboo boundary when it's released to the outside. Having two bodies, which have their own boundaries both physical and mental, inside a larger body, is just so terrifyingly abject and creepy, and the way you handle it is so mature and not in some gross, overtly gory body horror way. It's like a haunted house, a labyrinth as Lena calls it, but perhaps in a way it is sort of like a womb, a place for rebirth for a troubled girl like Chrissie? Since the only time we have ever totally been physically inside another person was in the womb, it ties me back to that point I made in my previous review about the mouth/body/flesh-thing being a substitute for a mother. Anyway, I am very invested, and you know if I had a physical copy I'd be making way too many colour-coordinated notes and highlighting every sentence...
My observations whilst reading:
I love this title, by the way! But digestive system is also such a cool title, I think if you ever made this into a series of books, digestive system should be the series title.
This is a great opening. I like how it distinctly shows the difference between them physically, but the fact Chrissie's steps are small show how she is more hesitant compared to Lena, who had clearly been in here a lot of times.
You know when you read a line and you're like, gosh, why couldn't I have written that? That's how I feel about the hand movement line here. It's so simple but so descriptive and lyrical at the same time.
I think you either need an 'and' before lets, or a 'then'
This made me chuckle. Like, how many times has Lena been in here that it's normal to her now? I'm so intrigued. This story is metal as hell.
Ooh, I like this idea; maybe you could make it a bit more visceral and remove the clunky colon, with something like: The question buried deep in Chrissie’s chest finally bursts out. “Do you know how to get out?”
I think you need a 'that' before Chrissie. But I am very intrigued here. We know this flesh/mouth/body is alive as a piece of flesh, but this implies it is sentient as well, reaching specifically out to these girls. I wonder if there's anyone else, and if it wanted Lena and Chrissie to meet?
'dotted with acne constellations' wow, that line is just perfect. Again, a line I read and went, damn it, I wish I'd come up with that XD
Here i was a bit confused. I assume it's Chrissie speaking. Is she asking whether it's Lena's fault that her (Chrissie's) parents are in jail? Or is it her fault that Chrissie is here in the first place? I think maybe a tiny bit of clarification here would help
ugh this is brilliant. Like, so brilliant. It's creepy, abject as hell, but makes me crave more
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the macabre S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Just in time for spooky month, another chapter of teeth is out! Chrissie follows Lena into the flesh, acutely aware of how close it is and hoping that it won’t go near her skin…but it will. It always will.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - “Million” is repeated twice in the part about the tongues, but that’s just one little thing.
Chocolate Bar - I love how you describe the subtle horror Chrissie feels at the idea of getting too close to the flesh. She seems to want to escape but she doesn’t want the flesh and the organs of that flesh to touch her skin. Lena being much more comfortable with it, by sticking her tongue out along with the other tongues and going ahead of Chrissie into the flesh is a nice contrast, too. I also like that it doesn’t look like an actual body, but body parts stitched together in different places. Absolutely gruesome.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely chapter to this story! I have enjoyed reading this and I will be sure to read the other chapters to find out how deep into the flesh Chrissie is willing to go and what the flesh even is. Now…
I wish you a fantastic day/night! ^v^