What do you do when you lose everything? They say that a man with nothing left to lose has nothing left to fear. But I fear that all this suffering was meaningless. I’m told that sunsets are wonderful when you’re sad. I think I’m going to miss the next sunrise.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Chapter 1Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,249 Literary Works • 677,084 Reviews
Hia Stardust,
I just want to start with the fact that this is really short XD I mean yeah, very obvious and stuff but this feels more like the overarching teaser for your story? :3
Don't get me wrong, the idea of having this at the start of your story, maybe in Italics sounds good! But I don't think it can stand on its own like this. For that, the wordings etc are a bit too generic and don't really tell us anything that's specific to your story :)
It kinda reminds me of the start of Twilight where Bella flashes forward to the ballet studio scene. But think of how even there, even STEPHENIE MEYER, put some more stuff in it to make the prologue more fleshed out =D
I like that you set up the image of a sunset tho :3 Looking forward to see that pay off in the story~
Hey Tikaya! Thank you for your feedback! I agree that this was a really short “Prologue”, more of an Intro, but I wasn’t sure what else to put into it…as for the sunset imagery, that’s meant to be a reference to The Little Prince! This intro is meant to overall tell you exactly what my story is about, but I haven’t posted all of the story yet, so it’s definitely unclear. I hope you stick around to read the rest of my story!
I think it would work really well as a heading for the first chapter, no? :3
I do plan to stick around~ Did you already finish the story?
Yeah, I’ve already finished writing the whole thing, and I’m even on my second story….
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the morbid S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Clo begins the prologue by talking about how he feels it all has no meaning, that his suffering has no meaning. There is something bleak that waits for him.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Hmm…maybe the prologue could use more description about the story, but I think that it being this short is effective for the vibes of what will happen.
Chocolate Bar - First off, I absolutely love the character design on the cover! Is that supposed to be Clo? I also like that in the ending, Clo thinks he’ll miss the sunrise. In a way that sentence already shows that he feels it’s all meaningless.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, an eerie prologue to the start of this story! I enjoyed reading this and I’ll be sure to read the first chapter tomorrow. I can’t wait to see what will happen and…
I wish you an amazing/night! ^v^
Thank you for your feedback! This was really nice to read—the character on the cover is Myosotis, but Clo will definitely be getting his character design shown as well, just maybe from Myo’s perspective.
Oooh cool!