Rejection

Hello guys
Thank you so much for the comments, suggestions and likes! Thanks to you all, my first work is in the literary spotlight!!!!!
However, keep suggesting ways to improve my work, even if they sound mean ^_~

How does a similar poem of mine have the same picture as this one? Though on another site

Hi!
I really liked how honest and personal this felt. The line ‘In class, I may have people to talk to, but in lunch, I feel alone sometimes’ hit me hard because I’m someone who understands that feeling of being surrounded by people but still feeling alone. I also connected with the part about being scared to speak because you keep wondering how others will react or whether they might reject you. The way you described missing the person you used to be made the emotions feel even more real. And the ending, ‘I’m still standing here, waiting,’ left a quiet but emotional feeling that stayed with me. I really connected with this piece. Keep writing—you have a beautiful style of writing, i like it!

I'm no poet but this ateeee

I'm not a poet but this is great

this is really great for a first poem and i love your style of writing!

Hi there, Queen! What a wonderful username you have.

First of all, welcome to YWS! I hope you are having a wonderful experience thus far.

I think I have a tough act to follow after rev's review, but I'll try my best. I think that the topic you've chosen is one that every person can relate to and I also believe that choosing to write about it poetically is probably the best medium - a poem has that uncanny feature that really helps bare those strong emotions, in a way that prose sometimes cannot. (I am sure prose writers will passionately disagree but I confess, I am a poet and totally partial!)

If you are experiencing these feelings of rejection, I want to let you know that I've been there to and I am very sorry that you are going through this. Your strength lies in the fact that you can write about it as a way to process these difficult emotions.

My favourite stanza happens to be the second one, because the repetition in the first three lines is quite impactful. You definitely get a sense of the inner mind of the speaker here. Again, if we fast-forward to the fourth stanza, you have more repetition which is effective. I think these are some of the strongest parts of the poem - where as the reader, we are getting a snapshot into this inner mind.

Because the feeling of rejection is so acute and wrapped up in other emotions, such as hurt, anger, embarrassment, and sadness, I think you could strengthen your poem even further by exploring more the experience of feeling rejected, as opposed to naming the moments/sources of rejection. Does that make sense? For example, instead of writing "I have social awkwardness", you might want to replace it with and rejig the end of the third line as simply, "Someone is not allowing me to speak"... In other words, try to visually replace the experience of being socially awkward. Does it feel like duct tape over your mouth? Does it feel like those scary moments in a nightmare where you want to scream but can't? Does it feel like Ariel in the Little Mermaid? I don't know what hits close to home for you, but incorporating imagery to express an emotion can be powerful. I happened to find a pretty cool article in the Knowledge Base that I think is extremely relevant to this very exact poem of yours - maybe you can find it more helpful than me stumbling over my own review? XD You can check it out here: Emotional Poetry.

Overall, I think this is emotionally strong and has all the elements to be potent. I commend you for tackling such a difficult feeling, and I sincerely appreciate this is something that we can all relate to as humans. Well done and I look forward to reading more of your writing soon!

Cheers,
Lavvie

For a first poem, this is very strong work! The emotion shines through, and that's the most important bit for me. I think there is work to be done, as Dom said, but this isn't bad at all!

Rejection
Every friend group I go to
This happens.
In class, I may have people to talk to
But in lunch, I feel alone sometimes.

Some of you think I’m strange
Some of you might think I’m too nice to be true
Some of you might think I’m weird
In reality, I’m a human, just like you
I don’t understand the difference between you and me.

If you didn’t realise, I have social awkwardness
Which means I can’t really communicate much
Mostly with people my age.
When people talk to me, it feels like someone is not allowing me to speak.
My mind scares me with questions like, “What will happen if you tell this”
“Won’t others reject you and laugh at you?”
But recently, it got much worse

I hate it so much
I wish it weren't there
I miss the times when I used to talk freely
But now, I envy the other new kids
Who has found their people?
Make jokes.
Tease their new friends.

Honestly, for a first ever poem? This isn't bad.

It's heavy handed and mundane... but that's to be expected with a first effort. It's also too much of a self-insert; all poetry, all good poetry certainly, is self-insert to a certain degree, but this poem bears all the trappings of teenage literature.

It needs heavy edits, but that, again, is NOT AN ISSUE! This is your first ever poem, after all. And, to tell the truth, for a first poem it's really not very bad. I can offer you more detailed suggestions, should you wish, but I worry that'd be mean. If you want details, please lmk!

But keep writing, and keep practicing. These emotions are very real and writing about them is a great way to process them! Besides that, you only get better by writing.

Best of luck!

Hi! Just want to say that I love your poem. It accurately describes a universal fear everyone goes through while also integrating your own experience.

One of the lines that really stood out to be was this;

Rejection
Every friend group I go to
This happens.