When you brought me home, I was
Cracked and on the verge of breaking
Edges stuck with glue
I had no clue why you wanted me.
Did you want to restore me?
Day by day, I grew stronger
The cracks in me faded
And you could barely see them
For once, I could hold water
And when you placed a flower
I could hold it up, cradling the weight of a single bloom
But soon, the water dried up
The flower could no longer be a beauty
And I sat there with the withering bloom
Gathering dust in the dark, isolated hallway
Internal cracks formed from all the pressure
But you acted too deaf to hear
I shook violently from the stale air and those words you never meant
What was I to you?
Clatter!
This time, I didn’t crack
I met the marble floor with a hard -ringing Snap!
In a thousand jagged pieces
But you still never listened
Never bothered to incline your ear
But even if you did, it was too late
For the damage was already done.
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142,307 Literary Works • 677,160 Reviews
Heya! Came here from your status, loved reading this! The structure is very easy to follow, and the prose is also very consistent yet different for each emotion. And your imagery and metaphors are fantastic!
Absolutely adored this opening. That last line just made me intrigued to see what was gonna be said further. Also, the rhyming of glue and clue is very nice, if that was intentional it was really well done! There's a nice lyrical cadence to this stanza, which, though it breaks later on, it still makes this stanza feel really nice.
Loved this as well, truly beautiful! It's got that same nice lyrical cadence which is really nice. But I would've liked if the last line ended in a rhyme like the last stanza.
Similar to the last stanza, it's really good with the imagery and metaphors, but the nice rhythm it had was broken from line four, because of the comma. And I was expecting a rhyme at the end here too, it'd just make the stanzas hit more.
The idea here feels very nice, but I'm also a little confused on what it means. Is it about you still remaining stronger after what happened? Is it about the other person regretting breaking you? Or something else entirely? I'm guessing it's the first one, but in both cases, the idea is definitely original and nice.
The vagueness here can work really well, but when its coupled with the, I assume, intentional breaking of structure, it feels disorganized. If it followed the same structure as the other stanzas, had proper rhymes, then the vagueness would've been intriguing. I think if you polish just this last stanza into something more "proper", where if you want to keep the new structure that's different from all the other ones you introduce better rhythm and rhymes, along with a clearer meaning, then this becomes already good poem becomes really good!
Overall though, loved reading this! Your prose is very nice, and it's clear you got a good ear for what works rhythmically, especially for slower poems. And your metaphors and imagery are absolutely marvelous, thats easily the biggest highlight. Never lose that! Happy writing!