It's 1:11 right now
And the light's gone out
It's 1:12 now though
And the light is still out
Now it's crossed 1:13
And I have no net
I don't know what to do
This night is like hell
And now the clock
Has gone 1:15
And I am anxious,
Head over heels
A new minute rises now
And dawns quickly too
But all is still the same
My mind's in a lot of pain
Each minute comes
And steadily is it done
Yet I keep thinking
When will 1:20 come?
And when it does
Will my heart and skin
Beat and itch
Not much from within?
Anyway, it's 1:23 now
And in seven minutes
The light I'm told
Will come somehow
But even then
Will I just sleep
Or wake up and face
What worries me?
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142,382 Literary Works • 677,631 Reviews
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Am moon!!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
I really enjoyed reading this! I like how you used the passing minutes to show the speaker's growing anxiety. At first, it seems like a simple power cut, but as the poem continues, i realise that the real struggle is happening inside the speaker's mind. I especially liked the ending because it makes us wonder whether getting the light back will actually bring peace. A simple situation turned into something deeper.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
Hmm so here i feel like to you could Try varying the rhythm so the poem doesn't feel too repetitive.its just my thoughts ok.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I like the message you gave here about anxiety. And i have anxiety too so yeah its relatable. My favorite stanza is
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall it was good. Keep writing!! Thank you for sharing! Yay~
Hi! Thank you so much for the review! The varying rhythm is definitely something I gotta work on lol, gonna keep it in mind. Appreciate the feedback a lot, and am very glad you enjoyed it! =D