"O dear friend, why do you hiss at the world
Create storms from the bowls in your stomach
Imagine the crushing weight of a boulder
Supposedly pushing you down the Earth?
Has time not always lit the blaze of fire
That showed all the people your worth?
"Why, O dear, do you cower with fear
Has time not continually come from your sheath
To guide you towards the utopia of peace?
Has it not forever been the spear and shield
To shine when you need and protect when you're weak?
To be your friend, to show its love which has no end?
"What are you so beaten down for?
Has your time not come in the past?
Will your time not arrive when it needs?
Time views you worthy, out of all who lay at its feet
So why do you tremble, the world shall see you shine
You shall see that you are fine."
Said I, to myself, when in the mirror, I felt divine.
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142,384 Literary Works • 677,636 Reviews
Good!! I loved it! My favorite parts were
shows kind of forced confidence? if that was what you were getting at.
I also love
Idk why, but it like speaks to me, overall, very very good poem. It feels like a conversation. Love it1 Youshould review my poems! Blue Jay or I am Winter!
Thank you so much! And will review absolutely!
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Am moon!!! Not the one on the sky ok! Yay~
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
I really loved this poem and ending was perfect.I love how this poem feels like a conversation with themselves. The way you personified time as a friend, a spear and a shield is interesting. It reminds us that everyone has their own time to grow and shine, and we shouldn't let our fears or other people's criticism define our worth. It has good message
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
One suggestion would be to work a little on the clarity of some metaphors, as a few lines are quite difficult to interpret. You could also improve the flow by shortening some lengthy lines. Its just my thoughts.and also i noticed that (") this is closed in third stanza but why not in first and second?? You could edit if you want.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I love the whole poem but my favorite line is
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall i enjoyed reading this. Keep writing!! Thank you for sharing. Yay~
Hi! Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate it so much! Happy that you loved the poem!
The metaphors are something I've been trying to work on, to just use more obscure and fun ones, so definitely get that too unclear sometimes. Oh and the quotes I don't end because everything inside the quotes is one long, like, quoted message I'm saying to myself. Like when in novels a character is speaking through multiple paragraphs, then the quote starts and it keeps appearing at the start of the paras until the character stops speaking. That's what the quotes thing is xD >.<
But yeah, very glad you enjoyed it, and thanks again for the review!!