Cover art for The Fence

The Fence

by addsluvstowrite

Published October 13, 2026

E - Everyone

In The Fence

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The Fence

Chapter One

If Enoli held anything close, it would be her name. Sure, she had items, toys, and clothes. However, those had never had to fight in order to keep. At least, not the clothes worn by her father and mother, and those before them. 

That was a subject that was never truly discussed. 

Enoli had asked her cousin Yoki about this many times, and he told her many stories. Sometimes, Yoki told her that their ancestors had fought great beasts, and they earned their names from the beasts they slayed. On other occasions, Yoki told Enoli that the wind was a thief, able to escape with people’s worldly possessions. Because of this, people were only left with names. 

Today, Yoki told her that names bore beautiful gifts, and that said gifts were only prevalent among those with said titles.

“That’s not true!” Exclaims Enoli. “If names were so great Papa wouldn’t have switched his.” 

“It is, I swear!” Defends Yoki, who was plucking a thorn from his palm. “How would you know anyways, your Papa never tells you anyways.” 

Enoli glared, and decided maybe if she asked after a couple days Yoki could tell her the real answer. For a moment, she stared into Yoki brown deer-eyes, hoping he would give a sign that proved his lies. However, he remained focused on finishing today’s job. So, she decided to finish her task, too, for the day. 

It was a rather unfortunate job, but both Enoli and Yoki enjoyed being by the garden fence. They would pluck blackberries every Thursday, and tomorrow they would pluck weeds. Saturday, the two picks fruits from the Abbots small orchard. They all had specific tasks for everyday, and they had never varied. 

However, if the two finished early enough, they could play with Lucille and Carter before their parents return from town. 

With this, Enoli and Yoki rushed to finish the tedious task. The increased rate of this left their hands sore from the thorns and a dark purple from the juice, but it was well worth the reward. However, they were able to finish it half an hour later.

Yoki, filled with satisfaction, turned to face Enoli. His oval face sticky with the berry juice and grin wide. “I’m sure I’ll beat you to the window!” He exclaims, and he runs off.

Enoli comes to a sprint too. She was always the fastest runner between the four children, and it was something she prided herself on, but Yoki could beat her easy with a head start. 

When the two had finally reached the end of the cobble stone path, and carefully tip-toed up the dark wood staircase they could peer through the window. Enoli turned back at the path, which wound across the entire property. 

Inside the red-wooded house, and past the shiny window sat two children. The taller one, Carter, looked awfully bored. He had ash blonde hair, a mix between curls and waves, and the green eyes of his mother. Lucille, Carter’s younger sister, looked just as amused as her brother. Her mousy brown hair was always up in different hairdos. Today, her curls sat in pigtails tied off with pretty pink ribbon. She has deep blue eyes, like a spring puddle after the rain.

They were both glued to their large books. And the two must have been studying for school, which confused Enoli because it was still mid-summer. 

Yoki tapped one, two, three times on the bottom of the window. Lucille, who was sitting on the sofa nearest to the window, quickly turned to face it, her pig-tails swung as she turned. At the sight of Yoki and Enoli, she grinned, and Enoli saw her lips move to call to her brother. Carter quickly slammed his own book shut, and ran towards the door. 

The four rush down the stairs, all at once rambling about their own day. Once they had all finished their story, all though no one else heard each other’s over the sound of themselves, Carter finally asked what they should do today. 

Yoki brightened, “How about we go down to the back!” 

“And do what?” Asked Lucille, “We always go down there.” 

“Well, it is the funnest,” adds Enoli. 

The children all agreed, and they again raced away. They flew down the cobble stone paths that weaved around the entire estate. They turned to behind the big Abbot house, and past the small vegetable garden and corn field. As the path narrowed, they reached the area where the path reclines to long, green grass and a few fallen trees.

These trees were quite a sight to the children, for the Abbot’s land had few “imperfections.” She supposed that was the result of her fathers demanding maintenance. 

However, this area was the children’s favorite for just that reason. It had seemed that Mr. and Mrs. Abbot had forgotten about it, and so it grew overgrown and unsupervised. Enoli loved it for this. All of the perfectly trimmed hedges and trees lacked the character of the Lot.

A small creek ran through just the end of the area, which was hidden by tall crops growing before it. Behind was a space large enough to build a few small houses. It was bordered by a very tall fence, with poles much too close together to fit between. The tips of it were covered in thorny metal that winds all around. 

The children reached the edge, by the creek.

Lucille looks between Yoki and Enoli, “you two better wash your hands, they may think you two were stealing the berries.” 

The two nodded, dipping their hands into the cool stream. It was rather shallow, the bottom filled with rounded stones polished by the soft current. Enoli watched the berry juice run off her tan hands, the purple diluting as it drifts away. 

“Well what now?” Asks Lucille, her hands resting on her hips.

Yoki shrugged, “I’m not sure. What time is it anyways? I’m sure your parents will be back in a few hours.” 

“One,” Answers Carter, “We’ll have about five hours.” 

Enoli frowns, and turns to look at her surroundings. The old lot was somewhat empty. However, she could think of many entertaining things to do with items near her. 

“Why don’t we build a den?” She asks, eyes darting between the fallen trees. “There’s four of those trunks, we could build a base for the floor.” 

The children were delighted at the idea, and Carter and Yoki made beelines towards the largest of the trees. 

“It’s oak, isn’t that awfully heavy?” Carter sighs.

Yoki smiled, “Oh don’t be a baby! I’ll show you how it’s done.” His small hands wrapped between the wedges of bark, attempting to move it towards the middle of the lot. 

Seeing how it barely budged, Carter stepped in, and it began to move just a little more. 

Lucille turned towards Enoli, “Well we better help, they aren't as strong as they think they are.”

Enoli laughs as she and Lucille plant their hands under the tree trunk, and all at once the children push. The tree croaks and groans, seemingly unsatisfied with its removal. Minutes pass, and the tree has likely moved around a yard or two.

Finally, Carter withdrawals. He looks down at his hands, which are now imprinted with the pattern of the great oak. With him, the rest of the children do. 

Enoli looks between the other three, who seem to already be tired of the task. “Come on, I’m sure we can find some other way to move them!” 

Lucille sighs, “Oh yeah? What should we do?” 

“Well, we could…” Enoli spins around, looking for anything that may work. “We could use the rope by the fig trees, then we can just pull on it and move these trees easily!” 

Carter and Yoki nod in approval. 

“Well, why don’t you go grab it then? It was your idea anyway?” Persuades Lucille, her crystalline blue eyes pinned to Enoli’s. 

“That’s fair,” Replies Enoli. “I’m the fastest anyways,” she adds with a smile. 

Yoki crosses his arms, “That is so not true!” 

However, Enoli had already begun her brief journey, and she had put enough space between them that she heard the whoosh of the wind over Yoki’s disapproval. She spun around once she reached the end of the lot, and gave a small wave to her friends. Yoki's wide deer-eyes were still squinting at Enoli's remark. 

Enoli loved to run. She darted between the orchard trees, ripe with apples she couldn’t eat. The cool wind rushed past her, carrying the scent of the pollen and flowers. As she reached the cobblestone path, weaving between the numerous flower beds or crop plots, Enoli could feel the warm sun heat her skin. 

She followed this path around the geese pens, who honked loud enough to startle all the chickens. This led to a wondrous chain of events; all of the fowl began a chirping frenzy. 

With this, Enoli was propelled to run even quicker. That beautiful landscape blurred into a green whiz, and she was convinced that in this moment she would be able to outrun lighting itself. 

Finally, she spotted the cluster of fig trees, a heap on rope covered under the tight canopy of the honey-scented tree. 

Enoli paused, feeling something uneasy in her head, or maybe her stomach? She slowed, tiptoeing between the trees to reach the rope at the end. Through the west-ward end of the trees, Enoli could spot the big red-wooded house. 

As she reached down for the rope, a sharp voice paralyzed her. 

She raised her eyes, slowly moving to hide behind the largest tree in the orchard as she saw the cashmere coat of Mr. Abbot. He was quite recognizable, with the sturdy composure of his son and the same teddy-brown hair of his daughter. Enoli frowned, quite unsure of the setting. Why was he back so early? Enoli was sure that Mr. Abbot had never been home before six. To his left stood Mrs. Abbot, who stood in beautiful pastel ruffles. Her blonde hair, this time identical to Carter, held up in tight curls, and her deep blue eyes were pinned to Enoli’s father.

Noticing this, Enoli could feel her stomach drop again. Her fathers head was tilted slightly down. He, too, seemed frozen. Papa was a grounded man, with the stillness of a great stag. His black hair hung just above his ears, and he was very lean. Behind his dark eyes, Enoli understands that even from here there was much going on behind them. They were wide, filled with quiet alertness. 

Enoli knew that her Papa was always very articulate with the words he chose around the Abbots. He was always very polite with them, whether he wanted to be or not. Yoki had once told Enoli that her father would move a mountain with a spoon if the Abbots told him to.

However, right now, he seemed more angry than he typically allowed himself to be. 

Enoli leans forwards, attempting to spy on the adults. She could hear Mr. Abbot faintly, and he did not seem pleased.

“If you were wise, you would listen to me right now, Samuel!” Roared Mr. Abbot. 

Enoli frowned, watching her father flinch at his name. She never truly knew why he had such a distaste for it. He had gotten to pick a new name, perhaps he regretted the one he chose?

 Then, Enoli’s confused shifted to anger. She felt the sudden urge to walk over to Mr. Abbot and smack him right across his smug face. Her papa was the wisest person she had ever known. Not only that, but he was also the most hardworking. Enoli couldn’t understand how he could do so much for Mr. Abbot, and not earn a single ounce of respect from him.

Mrs. Abbot nodded her head, in clear approval of her husband. Enoli could see Papa's lips move in response. Unlike Mr. Abbot, her fathers voice was reticent, and Enoli could not make out the words. 

“They better stay away and I mean it. You have been with me long enough to know that I won’t hesitate to send them away in a heartbeat! I will not allow the poisoning I know they have the ability to bring.” 

Enoli watches, fingers trembling along the trunk of the fig tree. Despite the setting, the air was filled with the thick honey scent of the fruit, and the moist smell of the soil. The air became much too thick and sweet, and Enoli suddenly felt nauseous. 

Mrs. Abbot reached into her large purse, and handed Papa a bag that seemed fashioned out of a potato sack. Enoli’s brows furrowed, and she was pestered by the fact that although the Abbot’s were seated in the lap of luxury, all they had for her father was a cheap bag. 

“Also, get this to your little ones. We pride ourselves on our appearances, they should too.” 

Enoli was overtaken with rage, so much so that Mrs. Abbot's pitiful sack could be tonight's firestarter. She knew that her papa must feel the same, but he took the “gift.” Her papa thanked the Abbot’s, and they walked away. 

Enoli finally sighed in relief, and watched her papa as he opened up the bag to examine its contents. He shook his head, and his hands were gripping the bag so tightly his knuckles whitened. Then, Papa looked up, and his eyes locked with Enolis. 

Enoli’s eyes widened, and she didn’t know whether to be scared or relieved. Instead of deciding, she grabbed the heap of rope and ran. 

Again, she followed the gobble stone pathway. She tore through the geese, the trees, the plots. 

Enoli soon approached the Lot, and the sight of the Nanny caused her to abruptly stop. She watched in utter confusion as the Nanny, who never leaves the house, led away Carter and Lucille. 

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
lilly
Review
lilly wrote a review Review · Oct 19

Hey, writer!!♡ i just ur beautiful work and I really enjoyed how you've introduced Enoli’s world. there is a lot happening beneath the surface of what initially seems like a peaceful, ordinary day, and I found myself becoming more curious as the chapter progressed.

One thing I particularly liked was the idea of names holding significance beyond simply identifying someone the different stories Yoki tells Enoli about their origins, create an interesting sense of mystery, especially when we learn that her father changed his name. Is its immediately makes me wonder what his original name means and why he choose to leave it behind, I think this is really intriguing concept to build a fantasy story around!!

I also enjoyed the interaction between Enoli Yoki, Carter and Lucille. Their conversations in a little competition make their friendship feel natural and the scene where they try to move the oak tree together, give us a glimpse of their playful personality, Enoli’s love of running and her appreciation for the untamed part of the estate also helps establish her character without needing to explain everything directly.

However, my favourite part was definitely the shift in atmosphere when Enoli overhears the conversation between her father and the Abbots. The contrast between the beautiful orchard and the uncomfortable tension of that encounter works really well, Mr. Abbots warning about poisoning, the strange bag, and the nanny suddenly taking Carter and Lucille away all leave so many unswered questions. The final moment, especially makes me want to know what happens next!!

One suggestio I'd make is to keep an eye on tense consistency and a few grammatical errors, as some sentence switch between past and present tense a little editing could also make certain descriptions flow more smoothly.

Overall, this is a promising opening!! i love. The mystery surrounding Enoli’s father the significance of names and the unsettling hints that somethings much bigger is happening behind scene. I'm curious to see where you take the story next. Lovely work!♡

~lilly♡ the fire dragon

Random avatar
cyan
Review
cyan wrote a review Review · Oct 14

Hi! Cyan here to review your work.

I want to start off this review by saying that I found your chapter such an evocative and vivid story of a crumbling childhood idyll in the countryside. Your descriptions are so rich and so beautiful! Overall, I love how we can really see the world through Enoli's lens, and how the children may be from very different backgrounds but they clearly love playing with each other very much and don't care so much about socioeconomic status while their parents represent the injustice present in their society.

Let's go through your chapter!

Immediately, I'm drawn into the chapter through the discussion of names. We get the sense that Yoki and Enoli don't have too much in life, and they take comfort from the idea that their names are precious.

Yoki told Enoli that the wind was a thief, able to escape with people’s worldly possessions. Because of this, people were only left with names.


I love this line. It really gets you into the head of these characters and it tells us a lot about Yoki and Enoli. Yoki tries to explain their poverty through a wild and fantastical legend. He maybe doesn't understand a lot about the injustice he faces but he tries to explain it to the presumably younger and more naive Enoli in the only way he knows how. Maybe it was his father who told him the legend and he is spreading it on? Either way, it is incredibly characteristic of children's ability to conjure strange tales or to absorb what adults around them say.

If names were so great Papa wouldn’t have switched his.

Your children feel so much like, well, children. They're observers, but they don't know why what they're observing happen is happening. I get the impression that their father was forced to change his name, because of what Yoki says about names being precious. It seems that the Abbots may have taken what is most important to him away.

They would pluck blackberries every Thursday, and tomorrow they would pluck weeds. Saturday, the two picks fruits from the Abbots small orchard.

These two sentences are nice. It gives a sense of their small routine. However, I was a bit confused reading this for the first time, because I wasn't aware previously that it was a Thursday. I think you could either make it clear that it is a Thursday before or replace "every Thursday" with "today", or something similar, just to clarify. For example:

"Today, like every Thursday, they would pick blackberries. Tomorrow they would pluck weeds. Saturday, the two picked fruit from the Abbots' small orchard."

His oval face sticky with the berry juice and grin wide

This is really lovely. It shows the children having fun despite the hard work and I can really imagine Yoki's face grinning with purple teeth!

When the two had finally reached the end of the cobble stone path, and carefully tip-toed up the dark wood staircase they could peer through the window.

This reveals a lot about their life; they have to be careful around the Abbots. The "dark wood staircase" creates an image of wealth, but also gloom and perhaps forboding?

just as amused

I understand you're going for wry humour here, but maybe it would be clearer if you said: "just as unamused"?

They were both glued to their large books. And the two must have been studying for school, which confused Enoli because it was still mid-summer.

Really highlights the juxtaposition between the two pairs of children. Even though they are much more affluent than Yoki and Enoli, they still face pressures (I infer this, from the fact that they'd rather go out and play) to study hard and cannot run free outside like the other children can.

Yoki tapped one, two, three times on the bottom of the window. Lucille, who was sitting on the sofa nearest to the window, quickly turned to face it, her pig-tails swung as she turned. At the sight of Yoki and Enoli, she grinned, and Enoli saw her lips move to call to her brother. Carter quickly slammed his own book shut, and ran towards the door.

The four rush down the stairs,


I think this paragraph is one of your strongest (despite a few errors, which I'll cover in the next part of my review). I love the way you contrasted the enthusiastic running and smiling of the Abbot children with the huge books and boredom of the previous paragraph. And the line
Yoki tapped one, two, three times on the bottom of the window
is exquisitely evocative. I can really imagine it, and I appreciate your creative choice to write "one, two, three" rather than just "three". It draws out the motion a little more and creates a bit of tension for the joy of the Abbotts to just explode through in the next sentence.

all though no one else heard each other’s over the sound of themselves,

This made me smile. Again, very evocative. I can practically hear the children talking all at once, too hyper to listen to each other.

path reclines to long, green grass and a few fallen trees.

I feel like I'm at the estate! I love how you used the word "reclines". It sounds relaxing, away from the oppression of the house and like the estate is yielding to nature.

However, this area was the children’s favorite for just that reason. It had seemed that Mr. and Mrs. Abbot had forgotten about it, and so it grew overgrown and unsupervised. Enoli loved it for this. All of the perfectly trimmed hedges and trees lacked the character of the Lot.


This is so wonderful. The word "unsupervised" is a fantastic choice here - the Abbot children are constantly supervised, and it's very telling of the environment they grow up in that they love the freedom and wildness of the Lot.

was bordered by a very tall fence, with poles much too close together to fit between. The tips of it were covered in thorny metal that winds all around.

Suddenly we're thrown out of the natural imagery and into a vision of a barbed-wire fence. It's very jarring, but in a good way. I'm intrigued as to what could lie behind it.

you two better wash your hands, they may think you two were stealing the berries.”

Almost a sense of dread is introduced in this line. The parents are not explicitly referenced to by name, only a "they". The omission of their titles or names creates a sense that it's almost taboo to talk about them. It's also very telling that they could think that Enoli and Yoki could be stealing the berries, and the reader feels sympathy for the life that they lead.

It was rather shallow, the bottom filled with rounded stones polished by the soft current. Enoli watched the berry juice run off her tan hands, the purple diluting as it drifts away.


A beautiful description, one of the strongest in this piece I think.

“Why don’t we build a den?” She asks, eyes darting between the fallen trees. “There’s four of those trunks, we could build a base for the floor.”

The children were delighted at the idea, and Carter and Yoki made beelines towards the largest of the trees.

“It’s oak, isn’t that awfully heavy?” Carter sighs.

Yoki smiled, “Oh don’t be a baby! I’ll show you how it’s done.” His small hands wrapped between the wedges of bark, attempting to move it towards the middle of the lot.

Seeing how it barely budged, Carter stepped in, and it began to move just a little more.

Lucille turned towards Enoli, “Well we better help, they aren't as strong as they think they are.”


The banter between the children is really heartwarming and realistic. We get a good sense of the position that everyone plays in the group through just these few lines - Enoli's energetic and has ideas, Yoki's bold and brash, Carter is a worrier and Lucille is a humorous jokester. It's really really lovely.

He looks down at his hands, which are now imprinted with the pattern of the great oak.


This is such a great detail! It feels like it really happened because the description of all the events
is so rich.

“I’m the fastest anyways,” she adds with a smile.

Enoli is so cheeky and rightly proud of herself for her running ability!

she was convinced that in this moment she would be able to outrun lighting itself.

This is a really beautiful sentence. It reveals Enoli's pride in herself and describes the sensation of running so well!

Finally, she spotted the cluster of fig trees, a heap on rope covered under the tight canopy of the honey-scented tree.


This is slightly confusing. I think you meant a heap "of" rope? And you say there were a cluster of trees, but then you refer to "the honey-scented tree", which makes it seem like there was only one. Anyhow, the "honey-scented" detail is fantastic.

Enoli paused, feeling something uneasy in her head, or maybe her stomach? She slowed, tiptoeing between the trees to reach the rope at the end.


Lovely sense of foreshadowing and imminent danger here. Introducing this unease before we know what will happen creates even more fear because of the unknown factor.

Why was he back so early?

There's so much panic in this question. Making it a question emphasises that more than if she just wondered it, so good job! She's worried for Yoki, Carter and Lucille and it's all wrapped up very concisely in just a few words.

Papa was a grounded man, with the stillness of a great stag. His black hair hung just above his ears, and he was very lean. Behind his dark eyes, Enoli understands that even from here there was much going on behind them. They were wide, filled with quiet alertness.


A brilliant and rich description of Enoli's father. The phrase "the stillness of a great stag" is very good. It shows that Enoli admires her father, like a beautiful stag, and also links to the image of Yoki's "wide deer-eyes", creating a sense of family unity. The leanness also is intriguing. Perhaps he works a lot and doesn't eat much? The quiet alertness further adds to the extended metaphor of her father as a deer, it's very evocative of dark wet deer eyes.

Yoki had once told Enoli that her father would move a mountain with a spoon if the Abbots told him to.

A very nice and interesting way to express the control that the Abbots have over Enoli's father, told through the lens of Enoli as a child, learning about the world from the things her cousin tells her.

he seemed more angry than he typically allowed himself to be.


This adds so much intrigue! The word "allowed" is very loaded with meaning. We get this picture of Enoli's father as a controlled, composed man but we wonder why he is so agitated now because we know he must serve the Abbots.

She never truly knew why he had such a distaste for it.

Sweet childish innocence. I'm absolutely sure that "Samuel" had to change his name, and you very skilfully tell us this from the voice of a character who doesn't know that.

She felt the sudden urge to walk over to Mr. Abbot and smack him right across his smug face. Her papa was the wisest person she had ever known. Not only that, but he was also the most hardworking. Enoli couldn’t understand how he could do so much for Mr. Abbot, and not earn a single ounce of respect from him.


You characterise Enoli so well! She is also trying to defend the honour of her father, and you very effectively convey her multifaceted character in only a brief chapter.

The air became much too thick and sweet, and Enoli suddenly felt nauseous.

This is a lovely quote. Even the beauty of the fig trees becomes oppressive because of what is happening to her father.

Then, Papa looked up, and his eyes locked with Enolis.

Enoli’s eyes widened, and she didn’t know whether to be scared or relieved. Instead of deciding, she grabbed the heap of rope and ran.


You've created a lot of tension here, and the climax of Papa noticing Enoli is really striking. The reader wonders how he will feel to have had his daughter witness such a moment? Before, we get the impression he hides reality from his daughter and nephew to protect them from how awful the truth is, but we are left to wonder how he will cope when the illusion has been shattered?

Enoli soon approached the Lot, and the sight of the Nanny caused her to abruptly stop. She watched in utter confusion as the Nanny, who never leaves the house, led away Carter and Lucille.

Such a devastating ending! The previous conversation between Mr Abbot and Enoli's father becomes crystal clear: he wants Yoki and Enoli to stay away from his children. The detail that the Nanny never left the house is especially dramatic. They are taking extra measures to separate the children. We feel Enoli's despair, as Lucille and Carter have no choice but to be "led away".

Unfortunately while reading I did notice a few technical errors, such as spelling errors, comma splices, sentence fragments, missing possessive apostrophes and the tenses frequently changed between past and present tense for events that happened at the same time. A few examples:

the two picks fruits

A typo, perhaps. This should be "the two picked fruit"

The children reached the edge, by the creek.

Lucille looks between Yoki and Enoli


Enoli watches, fingers trembling along the trunk of the fig tree. Despite the setting, the air was filled


Yoki crosses his arms, “That is so not true!”

However, Enoli had already begun her brief journey,


The tense changes from past to present tense in these quotes.

Abbots

There should be a possessive apostrophe here: Abbots'

Yoki brown deer-eyes

Same here: Yoki's

Yoki, filled with satisfaction, turned to face Enoli. His oval face sticky with the berry juice and grin wide

A sentence fragment

If names were so great Papa wouldn’t have switched his.

a run-on sentence

He had gotten to pick a new name, perhaps he regretted the one he chose?

A comma splice

However, those had never had to fight in order to keep.

I'm not quite sure what you mean here - perhaps you meant "However, SHE had never had to fight in order to keep THOSE"?

There's a few more errors that I didn't mention - I don't want this to take up the whole review! It would be great if you could amend those, because, again, this piece is so beautiful and promising, and these little errors unfortunately do detract from the reading experience. If you'd like me to, I can indicate the other errors I found?

Thank you for sharing this chapter. Have a lovely rest of your day and please, please do keep writing!!!! I can't wait to see where this story goes next!



If you wanna get in the quote generator, don't try to. Just be you and you'll say something quote worthy eventually.
— MrytleJinn