People are like stars. I’m an astronomer.
Why do I spend hours and hours trying to map out the stars if they keep changing?
Stars always seem to fade away, and their light becomes dim. The stars I once spent my time admiring at night disappear from my sky. Something that once mattered to me fades slowly until it is gone completely. I erase them from my map, hoping it will mask the grief of the memories we once shared.
But the sky changes, and new stars appear for me to admire.
I could never move on from the star I loved most. I wonder what made it go away. Did I not admire it enough? Or was my love slowly smothering it until it decided to escape?
Then the star returns.
The star of my joy and pain shines again. I quickly begin to redraw it on my map, but my hand hesitates. What if the star disappears again? I don’t want to give it another place on my page knowing I may have to erase it.
The star returns carrying the explanations I wished for when the sky was empty. It tells me that I was not the reason it left. It says it is sorry and asks for a place on my map again.
The old memories flood back, and my pen begins to move across the page.
I keep holding on to a promise that was already broken. I convince myself that everything is okay now, that the star will never leave again. I wasn’t expecting perfect light, but I didn’t think I would have to survive another eclipse.
The star begins to fade again, and this time it pulls other stars down with it. The pain multiplies over time.
I erase the marks of its memory from my map so hard that I rip the page.
I gave pieces of my heart to this star so many times that it left cracks across the sky I had spent years drawing.
The sky will always change. Stars will fade, return, and disappear again. The lesson was never to stop mapping the sky. It was learning that not every star belongs at the center of it.
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142,249 Literary Works • 677,084 Reviews
okay wow what a way to metaphorically express what its like to lose someone and lose yourself because of it.
first of all, this part was the part that made me read it over and over again:
absolutely beautiful. you successfully identified the fitting words to express this and the metaphor you chose was incredible.
and this:
this is beyond relatable and the grievance shared was well-written and developed. i feel like this part was the part that set the ultimate idea and blueprint for the whole story, and you did a really great job establishing it.
i didnt see any flaws or mistakes...
keep thriving w your stories because you seem to be really awesome at atmospheric writing!
This one has a really beautiful metaphor, especially how the whole relationship is shown through stars and astronomy. I really liked the idea of the narrator being an “astronomer” who keeps mapping people, because it makes the emotions feel connected all the way through instead of just using stars as random imagery. The part about erasing stars from the map to try to erase the memories was especially strong.
I also liked how the star returning with the explanations the narrator wanted makes them hopeful again, only for everything to fall apart once more. The ending was probably my favorite because the lesson isn’t “stop loving” or “stop mapping the sky,” but realizing that not every star deserves to be at the center of your sky. That felt really meaningful.
One small thing I’d suggest is maybe looking through a few of the longer sentences and seeing if some could be broken up a little. There are a couple places where the emotion is strong enough that giving certain lines more space could make them hit even harder.
Overall, I really enjoyed this. It feels like it’s about someone who keeps giving the same person another place in their life, even after being hurt by them repeatedly. The astronomy metaphor carries that idea really well, and the ending gives the whole piece a satisfying meaning. Keep writing, because this has a lot of emotional potential.keep writing!!
Hey dream writer! Today i am reviewing ur beautiful work for u. Unfortunately im quite busy with a lot on my plate but since im trying to increase my yws review streak I'll keep this review short and sweet in the fact that I do not have enough time prevents me from making a more in depth analysis of ur work.
Ur central metaphor about people being stars and u being an astronomer is excellent for this poem as it creates a major depressive atmosphere of sadness around the whole text..... Moreover, it is a fantastic idea to describe the feelings of losing someone as tracing stars....., erasing them, and tearing the whole page apart because it makes the emotional impact of the loss much more significant and tangible. i also like how you finished the poem as it does not make it sound like the loss can be forgotten, let go, or moved on from but more like a learning experience telling us where to place our people in life.
However, i felt like there was too much repetition....... of the same idea in the poem when the star fades away and comes back. some parts could be removed to make the important ideas expressed more clearly. other than that, i felt your metaphor was outstanding and made the poem meaningful and sorrowful. The final conclusion was my favorite part about the poem. Overall, well done, and good luck with your stargazing in the future!
Lovely work!<3
~hira♡
This is so well written. Really takes you in on a narrator that has regrets.
Beautiful meaning and nicely written piece!
I’m guessing stars fading away could refer to people dying, and/or leaving the speakers life, which is a simple but meaningful detail.
I don’t really have any criticism for you, I just wanted to say that I love how you keep everything space related (star, eclipse, sky) throughout the piece.
Have a good day!
PS: comparing someone to a falling star would’ve gone so good with this!