do your fractured bones fizzle a craved perfect knee,
or do your hands raised up, trembling, picture your unintentional greed?
does the false impression of a decieving crook,
create a secret you never want to speak,
and when you figure, gingerly, that you misinterpret his plea,
hole you in a corner and deflect your blame to flee?
do you hope as you desire,
for the freedom you hunger or the silent cave you shamefully yearn?
or do your fingers brush against the leaves that witnessed the unforgettable breeze, and stare as you fall into spiral?
do you despair as you surrender?
for that, heaven ascends you a heavy unburdened croak of ultimate truth
does it take time to sew the reality together?
or do you freeze, paralyzed, counting the threads there are to align?
do you hope, or do you despair?
does the curtain falling bring excitement to your days?
do you hope or do you despair?
and run back, hiding under layers of misinformated details?
[A/N: hi, this poem is kind of supposed to be like a bit of a spiral? so there is no crazy organised framework to this and it has confusing punctuation , it's sort of like a messy thought process? and that's like basically how i wanted the structure of this poem to be like! also if youve read previous poem's, you'd notice my capitalization with letters is really inconsistent, so please do ignore that haha! i prefer writing with lower caps so yup! i swear i capitalize my letters properly for articles and such!]
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The poem has a nice questioning structure,it feels as if it interrogates someone’s conscience and the imagery is surreal
The line ,the leaves that witnessed gives the nature the role of silent observer and the poem shows a conflict of accepting the reality or Hiding from it. I think that the slight change can be done in precision as Some phrases are so unusual that I can’t tell whether they’re deliberately surreal or accidentally misworded.
For example:
“do your fractured bones fizzle a craved perfect knee”
That’s very intriguing, but I genuinely don’t know what “fizzle a craved perfect knee” means.i think you just need to make image clearer and don’t polish it,it makes the poem feel relative.
Hi, I loved your poem. The spiraling of thoughts and feelings gives it a unique feel. I think life isn't just hope or just despair; Both are intertwined and present everywhere. The important thing is not to give up, to pursue our freedom, and to accept the responsibility that comes with freedom.
Also, this poem reminded me of nagito from danganronpa!
YES YOU GET THE REFERENCE OMG 🥹🥹🥹 danganronpa is such a huge part of this poem with the despair and hope LMAO
danganronpa is a huge part of my life too since childhood😭