my thoughts tend to linger
as your voice tends to whisper
and your mp3, it sings,
your elevated laughter, it only rings and rings
in my ears, and your solid exclamation
your neverending caress, your hesitant movements, and the nights you lay in my bed.
my understanding matters, your highlights are pink—
and the screen keeps turning brighter,
the night it never ends.
i look for distractions but your face always stings
and i tried to sin like you but im afraid it'll always sting
the sting tends to linger,
like your fingers tend to slip
and your ears, you can't hear well
maybe decrease your volume then?
and you can fail your tests, or you can get straight A's
you can look for overdoses, or talk to a counsellor;
and you look like two people who invest in irony,
and you look like two people who loathingly extend their charity
and narcissim is a big word, but you brag about your height,
and chainsmoking is thug-work, but i can read through your mouth
and you stand in the middle, your fingernails aren't clean,
you're chewing on your skin now, you just yearn for a being
the yearning lingers,
it frets before it leaves
and you just want to leave now;
but your wound, yes, it stings.
[A/N: idk i just wanted to draw a graph cus i thought it would be funny dont find me ridiculous please]
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142,326 Literary Works • 677,264 Reviews
Hello! I liked this poem because it has a kind of melody to how many syllables are in each line, which makes it easier and nicer to read =)
For the record, I don't think that you are ridiculous because of making the nice graph - I would have wanted to do the same thing if I were you (except I can't draw digitally - like, I have absolutely zero experience, and no idea how to scan stuff either ToT - so respect for the straight lines and everything!) and I also find it nice to have illustrations for things like this. Also I think that this one works especially well: it doesn't directly illustrate something that happens in the text, but rather it is a useful representation of something more symbolic if you know what that mean? So it leaves all the space for imagination and it is a good reference to understand the text. Also it was probably fun drawing it! =D I hope that you had a lot of fun.
This is, I think, the part where there is the most of a melody in the lines and how they interact and the syllables an everything. It's like rhyming without rhyming? No that is a dumb metaphor. But it works well, also with repetition. And I think that it is good that this particullarly great part is at the very start, because you can use it to hook all the readers hehehehe...
Hmmm here I thought at first that "sin" was supposed to be "sing" and it was a typo, since you mentioned an mp3 earlier in the poem - but then I read the "sting" part and I think it is not a typo. Just a bit confused there!
This seems like it's relating to the "parallels"? I like the imagery of the first two lines, however they do not have that same melody from the start, and the second two lines here are a bit confusing and break the flow. What I mean is, I had to reread them a few times to understand. But maybe I'm just tired? Who knows?
This part kind of has that melody of words again and
this part oddly kind of fits really well, as if the whole poem had been slowly converging to this point. Maybe the fact that you write "you stand in the middle" also helps that impression? However I do not understand what you mean by "yearn for a being".
Overall, I liked this poem so I hope to be reading more of you soon! Please keep writing and have a wonderful day =D
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yaaaay thank you for the review!!
Hey! I loved this poem. I loved how it has the feeling of two opposing forces waltzing together because of how true it is to the title. The repetition of words like 'linger', 'sting', and 'yearning' give it this almost restless feeling as if the speaker keeps coming back to these ideas although they try to move away from them
I loved the imagery of the screen getting brighter while the night never ends. It's such a beautiful paradox that makes the reader feel as if they're right there with the speaker. The lines where the speaker talks about contrasts were beautiful as well, such as the bad tests and all the straight As, leaving and wanting to stay, yearning and fearing
I also really loved how some lines had this more casual, talking to yourself type of feel to them. Like how it says 'maybe decrease your volume then?'. It almost feels as if the author is interrupting themselves in the middle of this rant.
The ending may have been my favorite part, though. As it brings back the 'sting' to everything the speaker has been ranting about with the repetition of words like 'linger' and 'yearning', making the poem feel a bit more circular
Overall, it has a beautiful feel to it in a very fragmented kind of way, and I really loved getting lost in all these paradoxes. Great Work! <3
yay!! thank you sm for the review ♡♡