It started with a text from a friend.
Just a casual, laughing “I love you” at the end of a message.
I felt delighted, I felt free—
A sudden smile on my face,and my heart grew bolder.
Then there is the love from my family.
It sits there quietly, like a porch light always left on.
It’s a routine, expected “I love you” before bed.
I got used to the daily sound of it,
Used to the comfort of it.
Till my crush said it.
My breath, I couldn't hold.
I swear I could fold.
But...
Why don't these “love yous” sound the same?
Why is it that when he said it,There was an instant flame?
Then I remembered:
He is just a silly, sad boy.
It’s a slip of the tongue.
When a boy tells you he loves you,
The air turns cold and the room becomes small.
As you realize this love might end it all—It might end your friendships,
Your family bonds,
Things you would risk the world for.
Because
when a boy tells you he loves you...
He does not mean it at all
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142,323 Literary Works • 677,256 Reviews
Hey there, wherepainisart! This is Alex and today I'll be reviewing this beautiful poetry of yours. Hope you don't mind, let's get into it ~
I get what you're trying to say here but perhaps it's a way to cut down some words to make it more concise and fitting for the overall structure of the poem? I'd suggest 'just a casual "I love you" message'- short and sweet.
Love the repeated words to establish a nice little rhythm!
I feel like this just weighed down the poetic vibes you just built with the previous lines and thus reads a little too literal and lengthy.. How about- I'm smilling (&) with a bolder heart?
I like how these unexpectedly rhyme!
That's such an original and fantastic metaphorical image to go by- really captures the warmth and anytime available thing families are known for- well done.
I like the ideas of the rhymes flowing more freely on the mention of a romantic prospect, even if their breathing gets difficult. Because they both are very much the definition of poetic, are they not?
Nitpick but it needs a space after the comma and the T needs to be lowercased.
Oh, how the narrative has shifted! I'm sensing a backstory and hate from it, that causes this sudden change of tones. It feels like the narrator got heartbroken, but it would've been nice to see the details of it as they work out their emotions dealing with it.
I think you can push the last line upwards alongside the family one, they'll match the length of the first one pretty well. The concept here though- simply outstanding! The fact that the narrator concludes this I love is so different because it can climb up to be more important than the others, despite being false and fleeting, is so terrifying. The stakes are unjustly high in a bet they know they're sure to lose. Oh, the ache!
A fitting and chilling end, bravo!
Okay I have just one significant critique for this one- the direction of the poem was inconsistent. First it was dealing with how each I love you means different, and I liked that idea of playing with juxtaposition. But somewhere along the way, the narrative strayed. It moved to a betrayed voice describing how a boy's love is never to be trusted in a hurt and definitive way that went against the fun comparative vibes established earlier. To me, these two were separate poem, which could be related but nothing coherent. They're both equally good in their own right, but don't work that great together since their message don't overlap. I hope this didn't come across as too harsh, as I was only trying to be helpful. Feel free to overlook any suggestions that you believe don't work and I'd be willing to answer if you had any further queries. Thank you for sharing! Please keep writing, this was a pleasureable read. Hope I read more from you soon, but until then~
Love, Alex
I really REALLY liked this poem, not only because I can relate to it, but the switch from being so in love to being so heartbroken is really intriguing! Also how the love from the family feels different from the love of your crush is such a nice concept! Like, you don't have to really "work" for your family's love, but you'll have to work for your crushes, so once you get that love, you feel accomplished! I'm not sure if that's how you were trying to make it sound, but even if it wasn't, this is still such an amazing poem with a great concept!
One more thing, I love how you kinda went into like focusing too much on one persons love can ruin the relationship you have with others! Very nice
Good job! <333
Hey! I loved this poem! I loved how it showed the stark difference between the casual love of a family member and the sudden passion that a crush throws at you. The contrast between porch-light and sudden love was really interesting for me to read about.
I also loved how it repeated "when a boy tells you he loves you" because it had such a resigned, bitter edge to it when it turned out it was not really what it seemed. Although, the overall sentiment is understandable, as it makes one wonder about the real intent of such a boy.
I also really loved the title! "Silly boys" has a very light-hearted ring to it, which is not what the poem itself is about, but it is a very nice contrast for the very direct, unromanticized explanation of what love between boys really is.
Overall, it was a very sweet, but also bittersweet poem, and I loved how it made me revisit all the things stated before the last stanza from this new, grown-up perspective. Great work! <3