I sat across the room and a analyzed you
And that's when it came through
I liked you not very little but not too much
Just more than enough
Everytime you would speak to me i would act tough and put a smile
Not small to make it seem like I didn't care not too big either
I made it just perfect
Then I asked God about you
If you truly were mine
Was it the right time
All these questions lined up
In my prayer about you
Asking God for a sign if you would decline but who knew
A text changed my fate
Something I couldn't debate
Your answer a hard no
Crushed my heart
It's shows
But i did ask God for a sign
But this was not what I desired
From someone who i truly admired
This all backfired
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142,275 Literary Works • 677,112 Reviews
Hey, wherepainisart! AJ here for a review on behalf of Team Bees. This poem is oh so relatable and it's beautifully written. But into the review!
I think there's a small typo here. Right at the very beginning. "and [b]a[b] analyzed you". The analyzation of the crush by the narrator is all too true. And then the realization. The liking him just a little bit. I also think there's supposed to be a space in 'everytime'. Trying to be tough and likable for him
The wording here is a little weird. I'd make it "Not so small that is made it seem like I didn't care, but not so big either."
The questioning. Wondering if it's right. Praying to a higher power, trying to gain answers. "But who knew" this part is probably the best. It foreshadows this declination.
Another small typo. "It's showed" should be "It showed"
I think you may be trying a little hard to rhyme in this section. Several lines don't quite line up.
The ending line, "This all backfired" it's too true to how these things work. Yet in the end, they often realize that this person was never right. And if this is a true story, please know that he wasn't right for you.
Overall, this is such an amazing piece. Fix the small typos and this will be even better.
Keep living and writing!
AJ
Hey I really like how this poem rhymed I know poetry isn't all about rhyming and stuff but this was really beautiful and nice to read and very relatable at that
Like damnnnn!!!! This was amazing!!
Hello there .
First of all , WELCOME TO YWS!!!!
Second, this poem is very relatable, I loved it, so let me see
Yep, one year ago I had a crush as well, and when I confessed to him, he told me that he didn't like me. But the problem is that it was a big deal for me. I soon thought that I was ugly , and that's why he did'nt like me. Tbh, I don't even know why I even liked that guy.
Hope that this was helpful
Much love
Queenie❤️