homebody//homecoming

text version:

homebody//homecoming

i am back in the womb
it is like a warm and sticky summer’s night
when we had blood-red jam on our hands
and purple bruises on our knees from falling
from the broken swing in my back garden

i am back in the stomach
it churns me up like i am the september storm
when the bus broke down on the hill
and instead of school we built a den in the trees
and watched the rain from underneath

i am back in the lungs
they fill me with the first breath of winter
where the trees are naked against the navy sky
and we discovered an old army bunker
and scratched our names into the concrete

i am back in the heart
it beats me up like i am your dad's old truck
the one he crashed and kept on driving
it races me like we ran down to the river
and i would slow to let you win

i am back in the throat
it is like the first sour sip of cider
snuck from someone else’s glass
swallowed in haste underneath pub tables
whilst our parents sang auld lang syne

i am back in the mouth
it chews me up with crooked incisors
one lonely morning i lost my first tooth
pulled from my gums with dirty fingers
i spat a mouthful of blood onto my pillow

i am back in the nose
it twitches at the drifting scent of bacon
rising from the smokery down the road
i never ate meat but the smell reminds me
of all the times we cycled past in the heat

i am back in the eyes
they roll back into the skull of my house
where once my mother made fresh bread
and my father smoked his cigarettes in secret
but we saw him from the window every night

i am back in the brain
it rewires the map of my home village
renaming the streets so that i won't find you
but i always knew the way to your house
like the blue veins on the back of my hands

i am back in the skin
it knows every freckle and dimple and scar
and where all of my wrinkles and my moles are
it folds me up like warm fresh laundry
and puts me away for another summer’s day

Hello! Mph here, on behalf of Team Bees!
Wow…. this is a great poem.
During my first read-through I was immediately impressed by the use of language. This poem really evokes the feeling of remembering childhood. Also it took me way too long to realize the first sentence of every stanza was a body part/organ lol.
Additionally, I feel like there is a very strong sense of characterization. We get the idea that this is a person looking back at multiple different stages of their life, and we catch glimpses of their relationship with their parents and whoever “you” is (perhaps someone the mc was in love with? or maybe just a close friend)
Another thing I noticed in this poem that I think really adds to it is the SPECIFICITY. There are so many memories from this character’s life that are so specific to them, and it really makes it convincing that this is a real person looking back on a real childhood (or maybe this is autobiographical and it really is a real person looking back on their real childhood idk)
As for things to improve upon, honestly I can’t think of anything! This is an incredibly good poem, and I think you did an amazing job!!!
(i forgot to make my comment a review last time sorryy)

ignore this comment, i wrote a review but forgot to check the box lol

Ooooh this is so good. As someone who really values his home (not so much home town as home megacity), this really hits... home. Okay I won't use home again for this entire review. But I've spent a lot of time outside, in faraway lands, and strange places; and every once in a while, I need to get back to where I spent my first decade and a bit of life. And this poem encapsulates that precise feeling very, very well. And the comparison between "home" and a more familiar version of one's own body is so deliciously written without being overwrought.

I don't have anything really to say in terms of improvements; I think every line is considered, every word is well chosen. But I have some... suggestions lol. Well... one suggestion.

Firstly and lastly, there's just something about the cider/throat paragraph that gets my goat. It just doesn't read right, and I can't quite put my finger on it. I think "snuck from someone else's glass/swallowed in haste underneath pub tables" is too clunky. What if you used 'neath instead of underneath, and "stolen from lonely pints" instead of snuck. I feel like you just need to streamline that bit a bit.

Other than that... it's excellent!