Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,326 Literary Works • 677,267 Reviews
text version:
the mess of me
when i turn the page, my heart hurts
a dull ache that i think you know well
i feel a prick in the corner of my eyes
but i don’t cry. you know why, you gave me
these eyes.
when i am finished i press my nose into
the crook of the book and inhale until
i run out of breath and the ache goes
away. there are words in here that i know too
because you taught me them.
when i unbury my face i slot the book
onto the space i have made for you on
a shelf in the living room of my own
house. i let you stay because even though
i am grown, you are the one who grew me.
Hey Rev! I love poems that touch on the sometimes complicated relationship between children and parents; and enjoyed reading this.
I love that you make the poem feel very rooted in reality by framing it all within this moment of the narrator picking up a book - > reading through your response to Alex's review, that's really neat to know that in this case it was a very specific book tied to the narrator's mother that was being referenced. That makes the image even more meaningful! This idea of writing about growing up and growing apart (though still in a connected manner) could be a very introspective-heavy subject, but by putting the whole poem inside this book-reading metaphor, it makes the poem come alive and makes it a lot more concrete.
Overall I interpreted the meaning of the poem being sort of like the narrator is dissecting themself much like a reader dissects a book to see what they have come from, what they've learned, and where they have to leave space. The space leaving is interesting because it is both a move of compassion? and of distance? The final couplet is a really nice finale "i let you stay because even though / i am grown, you are the one who grew me." <3 The interaction of empathy and reading comes across well in this poem too - the narrator reads and is moved to emotion, and they recognize that emotion as also something that registered in their mother, they feel the continuity of breath and words and teaching that carries on, and that though they are separate from their mother they are still connected.
I liked the repetition you used in the structure of beginning each stanza in "when". I would have liked a little more continuity in stanza one with the final line being a bit more even as with the other stanzas just for continuity. I think it could be interesting to structure a poem like this in an almost "story-book" structure... like opening with "once upon a time" and closing in "in the ending... / final pages" just to lend the book imagery in a bit more.
Without the knowledge that the book is something that the narrator's mother wrote, as a reader you do lose a bit - that's something that could also be nodded to a bit in the poem too.
In all, this was a beautiful and heart-full reflective poem, I enjoyed reading it!
A
thank you so much! I love the idea of the storybook structure; I am definitely going to note that down for a potential edit!
Hey there, rev! I know I'm supposed to read Crawlers and you'll get another review on it later in the day. But I need to write more reviews to earn gold now since I might be busy from tomorrow in some irl plans, and poetry is the only real way I can do that. This piece caught my attention and so I couldn't resist myself. Hope you don't mind, let's get into it~
First I must commend the uniform structure- it really caught my eye. Three lines of the same length, followed by a longer one and ending on a short and abrupt note. The pattern follows throughout for the first two stanzas at least, and only the last line gets a little longer. I find that much to be acceptable, since I'm sure you had a meaningful ending note that deserves its room to shine.
Such a heavy line to begin with! I believe turning the page is a metaphor for moving on here, I love how effortlessly you manage to convey it. Inertia to a familiar page is natural, but that doesn't stop the pain.
Now this is more interesting to me.. What has the narrator's mother left behind? I think a better explanation would be that she understands the ache of separation between them because she feels it too on the other end- I'm wagering my final guess on that.
How beautiful and original! I think it means that the narrator does not want to cry since these eyes for given to her buy her lovely mother, and she does not want to spoil such a precious gift of hers. It could also be that she feels that since they are related by blood, her mother could be able to feel her despair and would get sad too. You've outdone yourself, rev <3
I believe the narrator tries to distract herself in a book, to numb this absence she's been feeling. The subtle hint that the pain only stops when she's out of breath, suggests that the only way out of this agony is death. I find this doomed fate incredibly poetic, since it merely advocates to the infinite love narrator and her mother share.
I am a fan of the narrator's gratefulness in the poem. Reading a narrator's angst for their parent is good at times, but to see one acknowledge how much their guardian has done for them, is healing. However I do have a slight nitpick- replacing too by only. Too suggests that she new them from somewhere else too, which I think dampens the meaning and effect. Only gives the entire credit to the mother, complementing the whole surrender tone you've got going.
Perfecto, rev! Using grow twice for different meanings- we call it yamak alankar (same word is repeated where both the times it means slightly different things, alankar basically poetic device and yamak is this particular type of it) where I'm from. I was yet to see it be used in English, but you changed that. The first grown refers to have become an adult and second grew means raised (a slightly unconventional meaning, but works). There's this sense of almost devotions, that the kid pays back with presence and care to the parent that taught her everything she needed to get till here.
I have two slightly different interpretations for the overall metaphor-
1. The book stands for the world and life, and she's processing her relationship with her mother alongside it. So turning the page would mean going with the flow of life, which would ultimately would distance between the narrator and the mother. Her eyes inherited from her mother (from the phrasing it looks like people tell her so) are one of the few things she remembers her mother by, and thus cannot stand to see them sad.
She puts her nose into the world distract herself from this absence, but possibly drowning in work so she is not free enough to over think about it. But then she is reminded that how to handle treacherous world, was also talk to her by her dear mother. Towards the end of the poem she puts away the world on the shelf, where she previously thought her relationship with mother would end up being for the rest of our life. I think this could stand for her own retirement or the fact that she has left her soaring ambitions for a lowkey career just so she can stay with her mother- it's a very cinematic scene to say the least.
2. The book is the mother, but her mere memory. Here turning the page would mean reminiscing about the old times by looking at the photo album. She then also presses her nose into the book to drown herself into the smell of what life with her mother was like. Towards the end she places the album away to get to work, saving her memory for another time that she is feeling down.
I personally like the first one, but they're both pretty possible. This was a wonderful read, rev. Thank you for sharing and I hope I get to read more from you very soon.
Love, Alex
Thanks so much for the lovely review Alex! I would say both of your interpretations are correct and I love the way you explained your thoughts!
There is also a third one which I didn’t expect anyone to pick up on but “the mess of me” is the title of a book my mother wrote, which is a fictional story but uses elements of her real life struggles as a teenager/ young adult which I also then struggled with and reading it gave me a new connection to her. Obviously, there’s no way anyone can know that without me saying, so I did write it more with your second interpretation in line but thought you’d find that interesting!
(And Ty for the reminder to reply to your crawlers ch2 review!)
So the book is about her dealing with the world- wow that combines both of my ideas rather well! I love that your mother is a published author and you got to read her story like it, can't imagine how close that must have brought you two.
I really enjoyed this poem. The book works really well as the central image. The final lines give the poem a strong sense of closure and recontextualize the book as something the narrator is carrying forward rather than simply mourning. I appreciate how quietly the poem handles grief; it never feels like it is trying to tell the reader what to feel.
I think the poem is strongest when it trusts those images to carry the emotion. A few lines could be tightened, particularly around “when i am finished” and the description of running out of breath, since the idea of using the book to make the ache disappear is already strong on its own. The repetition of “you know” and “you gave me” works well in establishing intimacy, though there may be room to make some of those lines more understated.
Thank you for this read.
thanks for reviewing, i'm interested in what you personally understood the poem to mean? I had something very specific in mind when i wrote it and i'm not sure about how i conveyed it, so im very interested
My interpretation centers on a mother/daughter relationship. The narrator’s love for reading/writing is deeply connected to her mother, as if she has inherited part of her through the books. While the narrator has grown and built her own life, she still cherishes what her mother gave her, especially through books. I've read your posts and seen that your mother is an author, which guides my interpretation.
Ah amazing, yeah you’re completely right, I was worried that it hadn’t come through clearly so thank you!