Anya sat in the front of the bus staring straight ahead at nothing.
She could hear the light buzzing of conversation in the back, but couldn’t fully understand it, she was completely lost.
Why can’t you be better, her mother had said. Why can’t you be like , her father had screamed.
Over and over and over they had said this to her. How do you still manage to fail even though you’re around all the time? You should be learning at least something! Am I wrong! That was her father again.
Be better.
Be better.
Be better.
Be better.
Be better.
Be better.
Be better.
Be better.
Be better.
She would be good enough. One day, she would be better.
* * *
Finally, the bus lurched to a stop, and light shone from the window right into Anya’s face.
She squinted, and looked around. They were at school. This was her chance.
The bus driver, Kaleb, gave her a disappointed look. He had thought her a good student before this, and she knew he probably wouldn’t anymore.
Thats ok, good things come with a price.
He walked with her off the bus, and the principal was already there. He must have radioed the situation before they got here.
This was her moment.
“Principal Grant, I think there been a mistake. If you look at this video here that - “
Principal Grant cut Anya off.
“Now, you do know about the cameras on that bus, correct?
“Um, yes sir.”
“Well I checked them and saw everything I needed. It is no doubt that the video your friends took is tampered with. Am I correct,” He said matter-of-factly.
Maya swallowed hard and said, “Um… yes… Yes sir. You are correct.”
“Good. You will be suspended for a week, and receive a detention with Mrs. Anya today. Good, now go, you wouldn’t want to be late.”
Finally after letting her go, he called, “Anya. Would you be a dear and come back for a minute?”
The world went back to buzzing.
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142,652 Literary Works • 679,293 Reviews
Hi Ed! Noirmont sliding in to tackle Chapter Four! It's been really fun reading so far.
I'm a bit confused as to why the bus driver is upset...was he looking at his phone while driving? Lol. How would he have seen the video? Did he witness the fight? It's just a bit too difficult to justify for me.I'm curious about why the mystery character's name is blank in this chapter! I'm assuming it's either a sibling or a friend, but the blanking out seems to suggest a disdain directly headed by our protagonist, which adds a creative flair to the story that draws me in further. We're moving out of just plain ol' prose here, which is cool!
The same idea applies with your repetition of "Be better", it feels like a cruel, non-productive mantra that Anya repeats to herself that serves more of a punishment than a motivation. Great way to tap into that complicated road of self-improvement that sometimes can do more harm than good :> it's a difficult subject to cover, but so prominent in the lives of many (especially teenagers!)
Also, why is Maya present when Anya is confronted by the principal? I think we need more context there, because she just suddenly appears without being summoned. It'll be interesting to see, though, their mutual detention session!
On a final note, this interaction with the principal presents radical shifts in tone that I'm not sure are conducive to one another...he takes on a firm and strict tone with her before switching to a kinder one: ...Which is fine, but I need more indication through his actions, not necessarily his words, to justify why he made that switch. I hope that makes sense!
I'm enjoying your work, Ed! I hope that my critiques are at all helpful to you! See you in Chapter 5