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142,321 Literary Works • 677,231 Reviews
Text:
How to breathe underwater:
Spoiler
Experience yourself as something uncontrollable. Realize over and over again, that you are not unstoppable, that you eventually have an end.
Experience another being as something uncontrollable. Learn how easily you could crumble, in another persons arms. Feel how quickly your breath could slip away, while begging to be saved.
Survive the unlivable, something lethal, sufficient of ending you. Find your place as a mortal, in a world that will outlive you. See yourself living, when you felt, with certitude, that you would die, forever a wayward soul.
Experience life as fragility, something hard to breathe in. Lose all safety, lose your sanctuary, plead asylum to the person you love the most in this world. Beg them for anything you can think of, because you cannot run another mile with this little breath.
Try to breathe again, knowing that every breath could be your last. Now knowing that every thought is impermanent and inimitable. Breathe underwater, because you are too weak to heal.
Hey Ellie!!♡ Oh my god what have I just read The title caught my attention and the piece as a whole is so creepy.
The first line says "Experience yourself as something uncontrollable" and it carries on to be more intense at each point. They are not the things u really want to do, however u made me want to carry on reading
The last line says "Breathe underwater, because you are too weak to heal." Oh my god that was such a heavy ending. I was just sat there thinking. The metaphor of breathing underwater creates a sense of breath being something we should do naturally becoming something impossible to do. But the list of instructions made it seem like everything was very relaxed.
I am interested to know where ur inspiration came from as there is so much in such a short piece. It feels as though u are stuck in your thoughts. This was a very unsettling piece to read, Ellie!!
~lilly♡ the fire dragon
Hi Ellie!
I have been meaning to review one of your poems for ages now, and I can't believe this piece has no reviews! The format absolutely drew me in and took my breath away.
Using a list of instructions to answer a 'how-to' question is definitely the best format for the content of this poem. The second-person imperative gives it urgency and makes the reader complicit, and in a way sort of made me feel slightly uncomfortable because it feels like you, or some higher being, is talking directly to me. You really nailed the voice!
I also really like the clear arc you present. In stanza one, there's self-fragility, realising that you have an end; you are not something indestructible. In Stanza two, there's dependence on another person, which is also prevalent in four. In stanza three, it's about survival, and the last is this fragile continuation of breathing and life. The deeper meaning, or at least how I have read it, seems to be that in breathing underwater represents living inside the thing that should have killed you, and you never state what this is, so I could relate it to things in my personal life. Survival without healing or conquering, but learning to live in a hostile element, without safety.
I suppose my main critique would be that you could definitely do more with water imagery. It's in the title and mentioned again at the end, but I think leaning into water as an image would help strengthen what is already a beautiful poem. You could definitely weave it throughout like a river or an ebbing tide. In this part:
Since the imagery puts us underwater, i think it muddies the water a little (no pun intended) as I started to picture myself running on a track or something. Perhaps swim another mile?
A brilliant poem, and I must review more of yours!