In the closet at the end of this hall,
There sits a pretty porcelain doll
There was a time it sat in my room,
Until I hit it with a broom
It happened while I was dusting my clock,
As usual, it was going tick tock
Until behind me the doll began to hum,
A sound that made my body numb
So I cracked its head in half,
And it let out a hysterical laugh
Velvet dress and all,
I carried it quickly down the hall
The doll sat in the closet there,
Where with sightless eyes it always stared
Until it began to make a noise,
So I set it in the basement with my other toys
But then one day as I went for a walk,
Something behind me began to talk
As I slowly turned around,
I noticed something on the ground
There the doll, velvet dress and all, sat,
Though I couldn't tell what it was looking at
With its eyes now taken by sparrows,
The sight of it chills me to the marrow
I let out a scream,
And hoped that maybe this was a dream
I ran until I got inside,
Panting as in a closet I did hide
And in that moment I knew above all,
I wouldn't want even the prettiest porcelain doll.
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142,535 Literary Works • 678,373 Reviews
Well, I don't think I'll be getting myself a porcelain doll anytime soon (I've outgrown them anyway). 😂
to my review,
I like how you've built the horror gradually, starting with something seemingly ordinary and slowly turning it into something sinister. The doll's repeated appearances, despite your attempts to get rid of it, create a nice progression of unease and paranoia.
I like the line, "With its eyes now taken by sparrows." There's something quite disturbing about that image, and I think it adds an interesting dimension to the poem.
I also find the nursery-rhyme-like structure interesting. The simple rhyming couplets give the poem an almost childish rhythm, which contrasts nicely with the horror unfolding in the narrative.
However, I think certain moments could benefit from a little more tension. I'd have loved to see you linger longer on the doll's unexpected appearances rather than moving so quickly from one encounter to another.
One thing I'm curious about, though: is this simply a story about a haunted doll, or is the doll perhaps a representation of something else? I couldn't help wondering whether there's an underlying experience or memory that the doll brings back to you. The repeated attempts to get rid of it almost feel like attempts to escape something that refuses to stay buried. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but I'd be interested to know what inspired the poem.
You're quite versatile flower .