When I feel that no one cares for me,
You tell me that you're there for me
When I feel like I am useless,
Worried and afraid
You tell me it's not a flaw,
Just the way I'm made
When I feel like no one loves me,
I'm lonely deep inside
You tell me that no matter what,
You will be by my side
When I feel like life is heavy,
Panic settles in
You tell me not to be afraid,
And to lift up my chin
When I feel like I can't do it,
I can't live another day
You take my hand and tell me,
Sometimes it's ok to feel this way
Some days I might feel helpless,
Or useless or alone
But so long as I know you love me,
That's comfort enough on its own.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,535 Literary Works • 678,379 Reviews
Hey! I really enjoyed your poem. It's very touching, and I love how clean and restrained it feels; the whole piece flows so nicely, and the rhythm works so well.
in my opinion, this opening stanza is the weakest one. I think because the rest of the stanzas have a ABCB rhyme scheme, this first one just feels a little random and I think it also overstates the message of the poem, and it also ends both lines in the same word. I honestly think you can probably strike it from the poem overall
I think to stay in the rhythm that 'when i'm feeling useless' works better here
I loved this stanza so much
I think the first line is a little long, maybe 'When I'm feeling unloved / and I'm lonely deep inside' ? or something similar with fewer syllables?
I think to make the second line fit you can remove 'sometimes'
I just really love the sentiment and how sweet this poem is, and if this is a true story, I'm so glad you have someone like this in your life! <3
Thank you so much for the review! I'm really glad you enjoyed the poem!
Thanks your suggestions, especially regarding the rhythm and rhyme scheme. I actually had some doubts about the opening stanza too, but decided to keep it in because I was experimenting with the structure. It's interesting to hear that you noticed the same thing!
I'll definitely keep your suggestions in mind when writing future poems. I'm still quite new to poetry, so constructive feedback like this is really helpful!!
Thank you again!
I like the tenderness of this piece, particularly the reassurance that runs through it. However, I do think some of the expressions of loneliness, helplessness and fear are quite familiar, and I'd have loved to see you explore them through more personal imagery. The poem is quite direct in communicating its emotions, though I recognise that directness can be a strength in poetry. I just think it occasionally leans a little too heavily on it. Still, I like the closing thought. There's something comforting about the idea that love doesn't necessarily make the difficult days disappear; sometimes, knowing someone is there is enough.
Keep it up flower 🤗
Thank you so much for the feedback, Alex! I actually hadn't really thought about how simple the language was when I wrote it. The words just sort of came as I went, and when I reread it, it almost reminded me of a children's song or nursery rhyme cuz of how basic and easy it is to understand. Even so, i think you're right when you say i rely on it a little too much in my poem. I'll keep this in mind whenever i get around to writing another!
I've only written a handful of poems so far, and I'm still learning a lot, so constructive feedback like this is incredibly helpful!
I really appreciate you taking the time to read it and explain your thoughts!
Thanks again! ❤️
No problem flower, It's my pleasure to read your works, My criticism isn't to have you rewrite (No please don't do that) , it's just to let your imaginative mind do the work,
Like you said you'll keep improving, We all are learners,
Thanks for allowing me interpret 🤗