Blood

Hi Sullengirl! My name is Jade, and I saw your poem while browsing. I am super excited to review it, so let's get into it.

I’ll write about all of the hurt you caused me

Right off the bat, you provide some great storytelling within the first stanza. I liked reading about the author's bloody page. I like how you used that metaphor to create imagery of how the author is hurt, and how it spills into and influences her writing. This is a great first stanza.

You made the knife

I'd suggest changing made, as I see you used it a couple times. Unless the person the author is speaking to created the knife, maybe changing the word, or using multiple descriptors will create more vivid imagery and allow you to convey your metaphor with more accurate symbolism. For example, you could say held, used, bloodied etc. This line does a good job of showcasing the resentment and rage, along with the sorrow and anguish.

Don’t act so innocent

It's cool how you create imagery of a bad guy/criminal through your use of metaphors. This person is a thief, killer, and everything points to them being guilty. You saying innocent has a double-meaning, as they pretend they don't know better, but also not innocent in the eyes of the law, by being a criminal as you have done.

I also really like how that stanza used concepts of time. They stole someone's time, which caused them to have to grow up, let time pass, and become wise and mature. The old version of that girl is dead, and yet time passes and she has learned how to be the new, smarter version of herself.

But your only concern is you darlin

this line shows how the person portrayed is such a sad, selfish, and shallow character. I think you did a good job of putting this line last, as it hits harder. All the evil, mean things, yet they still can't regret it or care too. We see one character bleding out from the pain the other caused with the metaphorical "knife." It impacts her emotions, writing, her maturity, her time, and her whole life is overpowered. I think you did a great job of displaying that through your poem!

My only comment is to use more descriptive words instead of made. If you want to stick with the knife metaphor throughout, that is really cool. However, if you want to break it up, adding more weapons or crime tactics would be a eloquent way to pull into the crime/guilty metaphor and deepen it from using more examples. Maybe a gun, or a different tactic or crime each stanza. I don't think you need to do that though, as your poem is already very clear and well-written.

I really enjoyed reading this, the imagery was great and it was very emotional. I can't wait to read more from you!

Jade

Hi there, @Sullengirl2011!
Queenie here for a review!

I love your poem, and it is very relatable
to me, even though almost all the pieces I review are very relatable...it is true.
Now
These parts are my favourites:

White hot blood

A hole in my heart
From the knife that you made

A knife in my back
You stabbed over again
Till I collapse in my blood

Cuz you killed the girl I used to be
She was so naive
Don’t act so innocent

When I turn the knives against you
Sharpen them till they gleam

The reason that these parts are my favourites is that they provide sharp images and they set the mood and tone of the poem, which is honestly very important.

My only critique

is a grammar issue :

Your a thief and a liar

Hmm, should'nt this be changed to You're a thief and a liar


But overall, this is a great, strong piece!
#NeverStopWriting !
Mucho Love,
Queenie❤️✨