"Why does everyone call me cute?!"
She squeaks, pouting her cheeks like a squirrel,
Giggling adorably in joke-disputes
With vivid expressions in pranks and quarrels.
"I feel so dumb, sitting with you people!"
She protests, with widened eyes in disappointed amazement,
She tiptoes on stubby toes, like a chapel's steeple,
And makes mean faces for everyone's amusement.
"Hey, tell me something funny!" "...You."
She mocks me as I plead for inspiration --
She chuckles, the lines come into my view
As I write the poem in random tribulations.
"What do you mean by random?"
She asks bewildered, with her eyebrows hoisted in annoyance;
She pokes her friends' shoulders, both fingers in tandem,
Smiling weely at her mistakes, with her cute flamboyance.
"I am not Jerry!" She says like the mouse,
Upon being pointed out her cute and lovely flaws,
Her clueless cuteness does my dismay douse,
"Why do you call her cute?" Well, just because!
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142,322 Literary Works • 677,252 Reviews
Note: "Weely" is just the adverbial form of "wee"
Hi Rebel!
This is such a sweet poem. I think writing poems for your friends is so adorable, and I wish I had thought to do that with my friends before! Have you shown this to her? What did she think; I need to know!
Starting every stanza with a quote from her is such a nice narrative hook, and it makes it feel so personal!
There's a few lines that I think are a little too long and offset the flow for me:
and also this stanza seems to be the longest:
i think someone else pointed this out, but 'weely' seems to be a typo; maybe wearily, weakly, etc?
i would aso put a comma after 'asks' before bewildered
Other than that, a great poem!
I love it! It’s not for me but I still think it’s super creative and awesome. Maybe make it clearer. I LOVE the rhymes
I enjoyed this poem. It feels incredibly playful and affectionate. The poem builds its idea of “cute” through all these little mannerisms rather than simply telling us that she is cute. The various expressions and the dialogue all give this friend a really distinct personality. The affection behind the speaker’s perspective feels very natural.
A few lines felt awkward rhythmically, particularly “She tiptoes on stubby toes, like a chapel’s steeple,” and “Smiling weely at her mistakes,” where the wording pulled me out a little. “Weely” also seems like it might be a typo for “wryly,” “weakly,” or another word. I think the poem could benefit from smoothing out a few of those phrases, but the charm definitely comes through. The ending was my favorite part: after spending the whole poem explaining why she is cute, the speaker ultimately gives up and says, “Well, just because!” It’s a fitting conclusion to such a sweet, silly poem.
Thank you for this read.
Hey! I liked the playfulness and character in this poem. It's not really a description of a person, but the collection of little things that make up who she is, and what makes her so endearing and amusing.
The first stanza, for instance, sets out her personality
she's funny because of the contrast between the question and the squeaking and pouting like a squirrel. I also like how the author displays her features through expressions, not just by saying she's cute.
The second stanza also shows what makes her funny, with unexpected comparisons that exaggerate her character and make her seem like an oversized child.
I also loved the dialogue. It really made the poem come alive for me, as if I'm participating in the conversation, not just observing it. My favorite part was
It displays their relationship, while being funny at the same time. It's an easy part to relate to, with a witty punchline.
The fourth stanza was my favorite because it shows her confusion in the situation, which adds to her character, along with humor.
I like that she's not just a cute little girl, but also that she's mean, sarcastic, angry, and theatrical. It gives her more dimension as a character, rather than the usual lovable, child-like ingenue.
The title becomes more funny as the poem goes on, especially towards the end, when the name "Jerry" becomes a gag in itself. It's especially funny applied to a mouse.
I think the poem excels at being light-hearted and humorous while describing a character that is seemingly unappealing, but who thinks that she is adorable and attractive, and acts in ways that display that idea, despite her (or the author's) attempts to deny it.
I think some word choices could be slightly changed to make the phrasing flow better. "Weely" seems wrong, unless it's a typo. The lines also run a bit too long in some places, and could be tightened up a bit. Otherwise, it's a quick read that's full of personality. I think I liked it mostly because it's so effusive and good-natured, while not becoming overly saccharine or sentimental by the end. It's charming in a breezy sort of way, and not trying too hard to be deep or meaningful. The character jumps off the page and is very approachable.
In the end, she gets the last laugh, after a long series of proofs that she is, indeed, adorable. She proves time and time again that she is not Jerry.
Lovely work! <3