Who am I? I tend to ask myself;
you’re my child; my parent says
but oh, am I?
you’re my sibling; my brother says
but oh, am I?
another pain in my heart
I’m not good enough for that
a burden from the start
Who am I? I tend to ask myself;
you’re the perfect child
but oh, am I?
you’re the favorite child
but oh, am I?
I follow down the trail
trying to do my best
only to realize that it’s just a test
that I keep seeming to fail
you don’t hear my thoughts
you can’t see my cries
you don’t see the sweat
whenever I truly seem to try
Who am I? I tend to ask myself;
you’re my child; my parent says
but oh, am I?
you’re my sibling; my brother says
but oh, am I?
I ask a question that—
never seems to get an answer
I’m left standing there—
always left forgotten
Who am I? I tend to ask myself;
Does someone have an answer
can you promise me one?
I always seem to ask myself;
and every time I do. . .
I never seem. . .
to find the answer. . .
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142,241 Literary Works • 677,072 Reviews
This poem really captured the speakers need to figure out who they truly are under everything else their siblings and parents believe they are . I liked the contrast in a way of what everyone thinks the speaker is by making it seem as the speaker is perfect however behind the façade there is a lot more to the story and you delve into the imperfections and struggles of trying to become the perfect image .
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I also liked the fact you had a cyclical structure in your work it sort of ties the whole poem tighter but then again I also feel as if the repetition stopped the way of another stanza going deeper into the struggles behind the mask of the writer a it would make me connect more with the character and feel empathy but that’s just my opinion.
I also liked the fact the poem doesn’t end with everything resolved and the speaker finding who they are it’s not cliché. It sort of leans into the fact that most people don’t find themselves straight away and not everyone does. I liked that message and I believe it can be interpreted different ways to what I thought.
I also think that you could mess around with the placement of the three ellipses on the last three lines to experiment with the ways they can convey different impacts . For example if you had the ellipses only on the like “Every single time I do…” and not on the other lines it makes it seem as if the speaker is being thoughtful about how to finish this sentence and looking back at there past attempts to figure out who they are, if that explanation made any sense .
Overall a good poem congrats
This is a beautiful work of art; your repetition and purposeful rhythm make me giddy!
The dynamic between you and your family—how they see you as something they don't have to watch over. Throughout the story I drew comparisons to you and a fruit, still on the branch—perfectly ripe and sweet. Your family, naive—they believe that something that is perfect will always be perfect, so they set you aside, leaving you to, unbeknownst to them, rot (on the inside, at least).
Its good poem