9:22 AM, October 21.
The sun was shining beautifully, making the morning warm. The birds were chirping, and the fallen leaves on the school ground looked mesmerizing. Inside, the classroom was bursting with students gossiping and laughing.
Luna entered the classroom. Her uniform was perfectly crisp, and her dark hair fell freely over her shoulders with her backpack straps hanging loosely. Her face was calm. There was no smile or excitement on her face like the other students. She sat down in her seat beside the window. The desk next to her was empty, because no one liked to sit with a girl who never talked. But she was an intelligent student, especially good at English, and she was always lost in reading novels and the library was her world.
The sunlight peeked through the open window. She let the warm light touch her caramel skin, and she smiled faintly. One of the students in another row whispered to his friend, "Look! Luna is smiling. I have never seen her smile like that before." He smiled and added, "She is so beautiful, right?"
Suddenly, the teacher a middle aged woman entered the room with kai beside her . All the students stood up and greeted her. As everyone settled down, the teacher announced, "Listen everyone, we have a new transfer student all the way from Paris. Be good to him, all of you."
Kai looked at everyone and smiled warmly. In an excited voice, he said, "Hello everyone! I am Kai. Nice to meet you all."
As soon as he said his name, Luna looked up at him from the window. She said nothing and just looked at him, and Kai's eyes met hers. The teacher said to him, "Kai dear, go sit beside Luna. She is a good student and scored the highest marks on the past tests. Take her help with your studies, okay?"
He nodded and walked over to sit beside her with a bright smile.
As the class started, Kai's focus was entirely on her. His textbook was completely forgotten on his lap. He rested his elbow on the desk and placed his chin on his palm. His eyes traced her side profile—the way she was taking notes, the slope of her nose down to her lips, and the way her skin was glowing under the golden sunlight. He chuckled quietly to himself.
She froze and glanced at him. Her eyes met his, and she could see his brown eyes and his warm smile. She cleared her throat and asked in a low voice, "What's wrong? Why are you staring at me? Focus on the class."
He answered, "because i like to look at pretty things. You look beautiful, Luna."
Her pen stopped writing. She looked at him, her eyes widening slightly. The heat rushed to her cheeks, and she said almost shyly, "You are an unbelievable idiot."
He giggled and replied, "You won't stop right, will you?"
"Stop what?" she asked.
"Calling me an idiot!"
"Because you are!" she replied with a steady voice.
Kai pouted at her, crossing his arms against his chest almost cutely. She let out a gentle laugh, her eyes softening as she said, "Stop making faces like an idiot. Write your notes. Tests are starting from next week, you idiot."
"You said it again!" he said.
"I didn't," she answered while giggling.
"Ugh!" he murmured.
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The only issue, which I talked about earlier but didn’t quote, was where you said “library was her world,” which needed to be “the library was her world.” Just a tiny typo but adding "the" fixes it right up.
I love the genre you’re going for, and I bet if you went for traditional publishing this book would do incredibly well. Seriously, people love this stuff and your style fits it so good. I love the imagery, such as her “caramel skin,” and every detail about the sun, it really brings the reader in. It just felt super warm and vivid while I was reading it, like I could actually picture the room.
I also loved how I felt completely absorbed in this chapter without having read the others. Usually if I jump into a random chapter I'm totally lost, but here I just instantly got hooked and cared about what was happening.
You really know how to format your books and that is a skill not many have. It looked so clean on the screen which made it super easy to read.
The final thing is I love how you made the dialog feel natural instead of jarring, as many of my experimental chapters feel. It literally sounded like real people talking, whereas my own dialogue always feels kinda awkward lol.
Once again, good job. This is amazing.
* bow* thank you very much. You should read previous chapters too. And check my poems. Am actually poet not good at writing book btw its just my try. Am glad you like. Ahh! Am so happy
You are so welcome. I also love poetry, and that explains why you’re so great with details!!!
Tq look i uploaded chapter 4 too
Omg, thank you!!! Sorry I just joined and didn’t respond too quickly because I was updating my profile.
This is awesome!!! I love all the details and the story is amazing!!! What you are doing here is incredible. The only thing I noticed is a minor issue with grammar near the beginning, but other than that this is perfect. You should be proud, you are so talented.