Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Alpestris and Zinnia
I'm not as fine
As I wish I were without you
But I wanted to be broken,
Or so I thought
To revel in repair
Thinking that everybody would want
To fix such a broken bird bare
Broken bones
I wish a broken heart were so simple
Tape, glue, rope, knife
So many ways to go and I
Don't know if I'll be able to resist
That feeling in my chest
That makes me fall into dark
Fall into thought
Trapped and lost in what I
Wrought
A fault of my own,
I have only myself to blame,
Chipped marbles and rusty metal
And papercuts and tetanus shots
All I need is a pale white cure
Something cold and free
Peaceful, it would seem, to a blind eye
A handful of red inside
Cought it up, and smear me blind
Sink beneath the dark blue tide.
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Your poem is interesting (perhaps because I read something similar to this a while ago), the contradiction between wanting to be broken and wanting to experience being repaired. I wonder if, perhaps, you didn't really desire brokenness itself, but rather the affection and tenderness that might come with someone wanting to put you back together.
your use of Alpestris and Zinnia was striking . There's an interesting contrast in the symbolism: something that survives in harsh conditions alongside something that blooms. It could also suggest two people or two opposing emotional states. I'm curious whether that contrast was intentional. and then Why ? how does it fit in?
I also like how you gradually move from heartbreak into self-blame and, eventually, something much darker. Your imagery, particularly the chipped marbles, rusty metal and papercuts, gives the poem an unusual texture.
My only observation is that some of your metaphors compete for attention. I think a little restraint would allow your strongest imagery to breathe. (Just a thought!)
What I find most compelling, however, is the possibility that you've mistaken being needed for being loved, or perhaps becoming attached to the idea of being broken because it gives you something to be rescued from. There's also something psychologically interesting about becoming attached to the identity of a wounded person because that identity gives you hope that somebody will eventually come along and save you. Perhaps, in some ways, being broken becomes a way of keeping that hope alive. (These are just my theories and psychological observations lol. You can absolutely dismiss them.)
And one thing outside the literary aspect: if this is more than poetic exploration and genuinely reflects how you're feeling, I hope you're doing alright. Some of the imagery towards the end is concerning to me, and I'd genuinely like to know that you're okay.
Hiii!
I really loved your poem and I loved the way you’ve described the feeling of losing your friends. I loved how you’ve used imagery in the third stanza to describe the emotions you’re feeling and how you want it all to end. Your poem is so beautifully written that I literally do not have any suggestions for improving it.
😭