She walks in rooms where silence hides it face,
Not loud, but warm-a hush, a golden thread.
She touches cracks that time cannot Lace,
And brings back truths that long ago were dead.
She melts the ices that wraps around the Insides,
And stands where fear and shadow still reside.
A flicker dressed in silver soft she Greets,
No sword, no Storm , just bare and steady beats.
She doesn't run, she doesn't Harbor pride
She only stays to Tell what pain denied.
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142,249 Literary Works • 677,084 Reviews
Hi hira.
Am moon!
I really liked the gentle feeling of this poem. The way you describe someone who quietly stays with pain and fear instead of fighting them makes the character feel strong in a really calm way. I especially liked the lines about silence, cracks, because they create a soft atmosphere. I’d just suggest going over a few grammar and wording choices, since some lines feel a little unclear and can interrupt the flow. With a little polishing, I think the imagery and message would stand out even more. Overall, it has a really comforting and hopeful feeling to it.
keep writing!
Hi Hira, Queenie here with a review!
First, I love this poem.
It is so beautiful, and I absolutely love the language that you used in this poem. You should really show me how to do it!
Praise:
I love the atmosphere created in this poem! Words like "where silence hides its face" and "a flicker dressed in silver soft" create a haunting, dreamlike atmosphere in this poem. I also like the emotional depth of the poem's final lines.
Critique:
Hmmm, lace should have been capitalised, but why do it when it does not make sense as a verb here? Maybe replacing the word with erase would have been better.
Ice should have been singular.
Harbour doesn't need to be capitalised.
Hope that this was helpful and I also hope that your mood wasn't toned down by this lol.
Much love
Queenie
ohh! you actually found the hidden acrostic! The letters spell LIGHT, while the S in “Storm” was just a sneaky typo tho and of course not! <3
This poem is incredible. I love all the imagery in this, it's so vivid. I also noticed a few capitalised words that weren't at the start of the lines, and noticed that they spell Light (apart from the S in Storm) and wondered if that was intentional or not. Either way, it's cool. I know a lot of what I'm saying is waffle, but that's a usual for me (sorry). Overall, this was wonderful. Keep up your great work!
Thank you so much for the thoughtful review! You have sharp eyes you actually found the hidden acrostic! The letters spell LIGHT, while the S in “Storm” was just a sneaky typo And don’t apologize, your comment genuinely made my day!<3
Hello there! Dropping by with a review for Team Bees! :3
I just have to say, I LOVE this poem. It has such a lyrical, dripping quality to it. Like melancholic honey. Bittersweet. I'm not really fond of short poems and they are really hard to get right so well done!! This is great. The imagery is gorgeous and the personification of silence is such a conceptually rich idea with so many possible paths one could go and I really like your interpretation of it. Silence gently hiding her face in golden warmth? Amazing. I do wonder though if it should be "trace" instead of "lace"?
Here though I was a little confused about what you meant by "the insides"? Perhaps a clarification there with another line or a word change might make what you are trying to convey clearer. The rhyming scheme is pretty good too, give the words a lilting quality I relish. I am starting to wonder if there is any reason behind the capitalisation of words in the middle? Is there some rationale behind that? If so I'd love to know!
Absolutely my favourite part of the poem! Very impactful ending, "to tell what pain denied" is a very powerful idea and a lovely, lovely way to end a poem. Leaves your readers thinking which is really the best outcome.
If I had any critique to offer, I can make a connection between the first and last paragraphs, but I struggle to see the purpose of the second para. Don't get me wrong - it is beautifully written - but what is saying? Why is it there? In the message you're trying to convey, what part does it play? That is what I don't see.
Overall though this was a smashing read! I enjoyed it a lot, will definitely be looking out for more of your work
Happy Review Day!!
~ canopy
Thank you so much for your kind words <3 and such a thoughtful review! As for the second stanza, it represents the quiet strength of that same presence, melting away the emotional barriers and standing with someone through their fear, without needing to fight or force anything.<33
This is a deep poem it doesn't just tell a story it explains it and the feeling of the silence this was a excellent poem keep it up
Thank you so much! I’m glad the feeling came through. 🤍
hey pen pal I'm on computer do I cant really say much since I'm bad at typing but I really loved the core meaning of the poem to use softness over force I love the deep emontial walls and fears that cannot be taken down by aggression but can be n gently melted away by fearless love (sorry if I had my phone I would use my mic to get into more depth)
Thank youu! I’m glad you noticed the softness and emotions behind it. 🤍