I found the first letter under my pillow,
in ink I recognized before I recognized
the words my own hand, but steadier.
Braver, somehow, in the loops of the y.
Dear diary, it began, in my handwriting,
though I keep no diary that anyone else could find.
It knew things I'd only thought at 2 a.m.
It knew the name I never say out loud.
I caught it once, in the lamp-light,
bent over my desk in the shape of me,
holding a pen the way I hold a pen,
writing something I would never have the nerve to send.
I didn't stop it.
I think some part of me
left the desk lamp on on purpose,
that night some part of me that wanted to be spoken for.
It signs my name better than I do now.
No hesitation in the final stroke.
No crossing out. No starting over.
Just my name, sent, sealed, and meant.
Last week I found the final letter,
already folded, already addressed
to the one person I never worked up the courage to tell.
At the bottom, in handwriting identical to mine,
it said:
I am you, but the part of you that stopped waiting.
I hope you don't mind. I already dropped it in the mailbox.
By the time you read this, it will already be theirs.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,275 Literary Works • 677,113 Reviews
<3
Hey Hira!!♡
GIRL, it's SO GOOD i went in for a shadowed poem and stumbled upon a letter from my deepest desires!
I actually loved these lines:
THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT IT, the idea of the shadow not being a threat but a part of oneself that has the potential to do the things one cannot do because it's "inherently" allowed to. Like witnessing its existence before one can find and harness it within!
And the end!! The nonchalance of the letter being delivered and no second guessing of the decision made is so oddly satisfying and frightening at the same time!
I ADORE HOW U TURNED HESITATION, FRAGILITY OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT, AND THE DESIRE FOR UNDERSTANDING INTO SOMETHING THAT MAKES US QUESTION HOW MANY PARTS OF US ARE JUST WAITING FOR US TO GROW BRAVE ENOUGH TO EMBRACE THEM! Beautifully done Hira!! <3
~lilly♡ the fire dragon
This poem is actually beautiful!
I really loved the lines:
Because it really clarified that something was there (your shadow) that knew you better than you did. Also using:
really pulled at my heartstrings. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we all want to be noticed by someone else when we are struggling, and this line captured it perfectly. Also, it's simplicity at the end is absolutely amazing. It really clarified what exactly the shadow was doing and why it was writing, wrapping the poem up very cleanly.
Overall, a very good poem, not to say there isn't room for improvement though. Keep up the good work!
Firstly woah this is amazing I loved the way you structured the poem. And there was one part that really caught my attention
This part stood out to me, it added so much more not that the poem was lacking anything but it gave it that extra depth. Thanks for writing this it’s beautiful
Thank youu! I’m so glad that part stood out to you. Thank you for reading and for the lovely words! <3
This was so interesting! The concept of a shadow-self or an alternate version of you taking control of the things you're too afraid to say is incredibly complicated.
"I am you, but the part of you that stopped waiting.
I hope you don't mind. I already dropped it in the mailbox.
By the time you read this, it will already be theirs."
Brilliant ending!
The title was really really good and creative.
Thank youu! I’m really glad you liked the concept and the ending! <3
Hey hira! Today I'll be reviewing this lovely poetry of yours.
I believe you're missing a 'of' here! The concept is so intriguing though- you'd expect someone to recognise their handwriting before the ink it's written. But it could be that the narrator has a tendency to see things differently then most, or bought the ink very recently or it has some personal significance to them. Either way, it hooked me right in!
Handwriting really reveals a lot about oneself, and I love how you capture that here. It seems like this person makes sure to see things through and aren't afraid to be their unapologetic self. A slightly better version of the narrator themselves, that they wish they could be.
Ooh this just got spooky! Are we dealing with a skinwalker here? They certainly know a lot about the narrator, but it's kinda their job to. What's really interesting is that our protagonist is now aware of a strange presence, I wonder what she'll do about it.
The alternate narrator expresses parts of them they're hesitant to say aloud themselves? This acquaintanceship might be in the best of everyone then. I wonder what it is that this creature wants..
Perfecting one's identity better than the original, I feel like this could get dangerous pretty soon. Will the narrator finally take a stand when they feel their reality slipping or drown into nothingness how they've always wanted?
This skinwalker is really at their peak, I remember I never used cut out my words when I most confident as a kid. Our mental state really reflects, and this beast could be a problem!
I feel like it's a secret crush or the narrator themself- let's see
Spine chilling! You really outdid yourself here.
I didn't quite catch the ending, could you elaborate? I feel like there was a better way to wrap up things in a way that's easier to comprehend.
All in all, this was good. Perhaps a little predictable, but nothing wrong with that. I thought it a little disorganized, but that may be because I'm not much acquainted with prose poetry. The plot just felt slightly lacking and the ending could've been impactful- just something to keep in mind if you decide to edit this. Thank you for sharing, keep writing! Until next time~
Love, Alex
Thank you so much for the thoughtful review! I really appreciate the feedback, especially on the ambiguity and ending. I’ll definitely keep it in mind! <3
I think this is a really cool poem and concept. I love the detailed wording. My mine critiques are some of the grammar mistakes that can make it kinda hard to read at times and also the layout could be a bit more organized. Keep up the good work I’d love to see more of this ♡
Thank you!! I really appreciate the feedback. I’ll definitely keep the formatting and grammar points in mind. And I’m glad you liked the concept! <3
Hello, Eucalyptusjoos here to review!
Starting off, very curious format for poetry. Since your grammar is tip-top, I suggest formatting it closer to a poem with lots of random gaps, italics, bold fonts and cut-lines to give it a more dramatic effect wherever you like it.
Strange title, but as I kept on reading, the significance was wonderful. Quite creative too.
For a poem, the idea is great, but you can change the phrasing in some areas to make it sound a little vague; give it a more weird and surreal essence. Since it takes place in the nighttime and centers around one's shadow, a dream-like vibe wouldn't be far from apt.
" in ink I recognized before I recognized the words my own hand," Do you mean the words of my own hand, or perhaps the words in my own hand?
"It knew things I'd only thought at 2 a.m. It knew the name I never say out loud." very scary vibe
I utterly adore this work. I just think it has so much more potential as a short story, because this piece is centered around the narrator's psyche and as such needs some exposition, and some interludes into the narrator's thought process and perspectives and feelings regarding their "shadow". You've understood this necessity so you tried to elaborate, unfortunately poems are better as vague pieces. If you can find the time, I really hope you can convert this into a piece of surrealist, mind-horror/fiction type of short story. The last few lines also have a lot of potential because the narrator realizes this "shadow" is not temporally restricted and has omniscient knowledge of itself. That has so much possibility to be explored through a short story. Great job, will definitely check out more of your works! <33
Thank youu for the thoughtful review! I really like the surreal/mind-horror direction, and I’ll definitely keep your suggestions in mind. Thanks for reading! <3