Enter through a west wing, where dust settles like it's been waiting for you specifically. The portraits don't blink. The rope barriers are suggestions you no longer need. Open the first door. A girl sits by a window, laughing at something you don't remember being funny. The plaque reads: Age nine. Still fearless. Open the second. She's older here, tired in a way that photographs don't usually catch the tiredness behind the eyes, not on the face. she doesn't look up when you enter. The third room holds someone happier than you've ever been. You don't recognize the joke she's laughing at. You don't recognize the room she's standing in. You wonder, briefly, if she recognizes you. The fourth door won't open at first. When it does, no one is inside just chair angled toward the window, still warm, like someone just left. You keep walking. The room grow quieter. Somewhere behind you, a woman who doesn't recognize your face is signing a guestbook with your name. The last room is empty. Not abandoned unfinished. No plaque. No visitor rope. Just white walls, waiting for a version of you that hasn't arrived yet. You stand in the doorway a long time. Then you understand: this room isn't empty because nothing happened here. It's empty because you're still becoming whoever gets to stand inside it.
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142,324 Literary Works • 677,258 Reviews
Hey Hira!!♡
I absolutely LOVED the idea of this piece. The idea of walking through a museum of self with rooms dedicated to who u were and who u could become is such a beautiful metaphor for growth, change, and evolving as a person.
I particularly loved this stanza:
There's this strange sort of tragedy in the fact that there were people in this museum that held a joy u could barely remember, and that this woman in this room could barely recognize u at all. That question of if she would even know who u are is heartbreaking. So very beautifully done.
I also loved the juxtaposition of the room with someone who had already left with the room that was yet to come. The theme of the poem makes it seem as though it's a journey through memories, regrets, and hopes.
And the ending!! The idea that an empty room isn't a thing that's lost but something that's yet to be had is wonderful in concept and in execution. I genuinely loved it. Beautifully written, Hira. Really makes you think. <3
~lilly♡ the fire dragon
Hey Hira! Happy review day, you're smashing it with the reviews so far!
What drew me to your poem so far was the idea of walking through a museum of your own past selves. It's such a unique idea and I've never seen someone portray it like this before. I also loved the font you used; it reminds me of an old typewriter, which only helps with the museum imagery!
This is a brilliant stanza, and the detail of the plaque really sells it for me. It's putting all of her past selves in display, categorising them and labelling them, rather than just letting them be. It's nostalgic and celebratory on the surface, but "still" quietly implies that fearlessness doesn't last through the girl's life. It seems like putting them on display is a way of judging her past self, or maybe judging her present self against her past selves.
I think a similar specificity would help strengthen the following stanzas. The first stanza felt very personal with the plaque, yet this is not used again. It would make it feel much more museum-like to really dive into that idea of being on display.
The pacing of the rooms is very well thought out too. Room one is a sense of joy and fearlessness you don't remember. Room two is exhaustion nobody could see. Room three is a happiness so foreign you don't even recognise yourself. Someone has just left room four, and the last room is completely empty. This changes the poem from being about being watched and on display, to being absent. To having nothing to show.
This is my favourite stanza. To me, this could be a family friend or relative who only remembers the younger you, sending a giftcard or message, or it could be the narrator themselves, not recognising their own past.
The ending is also very powerful:
just.. wow, what a way to end. It doesn't feel out of place, but that we expertly navigated a journey to get to this conclusion.
This was a beautiful poem, hira!
thank youu!! i really liked your interpretation of it <3
Hi Hira, you seem new so I wanted to welcome you along with giving my thoughts on this intriguing poem.
That was straight dragon FIRE
This quote really stuck out to me. Hard to articulate why though...
The girl laughing at something not funny makes me think of bullying but this is contrasted by the end of the paragraph where the one depicted is still fearless.
I also love the contrast between the second and third rooms. The question if she recognizes you is almost haunting to me. Are you now so different? So far removed from the happiness you once knew?
For most of these rooms I understood what you were going for, but the woman signing her guestbook was not so clear. Not a bad thing. It got me thinking which is good. I wonder what you were going for there...
Both the room where you recently were and those that have yet to be leave me feeling warm and hopeful. It's hard to pin down why, but I think poems are more about the feeling anyway.
Some loose scales
I think you meant 'grows' here
Other than that, everything was beautiful and smooth to read.
As mighty wing soar overall
I loved the progression from room to room and how you described each one. They reveal a lot about what events and feelings are most important. It can be easy to compartmentalize sections of our lives and assign titles like good and bad to them. But I like how you looked deeper than that.
Final wisdom of the dragon friend
Looking back and forward gives us much to be grateful for, if we choose to focus on it.
May blazing dragon-fire light your path and ignite the flames of your inspiration.
This poem is completely awesome!
Thank youu<3