Published September 15, 2026
Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
*This fanfic chapter is under my folder “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.writerfeed.com/topic/117842-my-character-designs-lt-33-3?start=225. This is my interpretation of the Creepypasta character Nina the Killer’s origin. The Creepypastas Laughing Jack and Jeff the Killer are also in this fanfic. Alyssa is my OC. Enjoy!*
Nina did not sleep at night. Jeff didn’t show up in her room at all, but he didn’t need to. She kept thinking about the little boy she heard, asking if there would be any candy.
She did hear a little boy, it was clear and yet…why? Why so late? Why in the woods?
But Nina didn’t talk about it. Not to her family and not to Alyssa at school, who wore a worn-out blue dress that had deep, dark, almost red stains on it. She was always wearing a dirty dress.
She didn’t even know if she wanted to talk to Alyssa after what happened the other night. Laughing Jack was with them. He could have killed them. Alyssa said that he wouldn’t but Nina wasn’t so sure that she knew.
Nina tried not to think about it.
………………………………………………………………….
………………………………………………………………….
It was lunch time, Nina was sitting alone. She could see Alyssa eating a sandwich by herself, but Nina still needed some time away from her. Some time to think about it all, with Rockefeller Street playing on her headphones.
But Alyssa’s blue eyes stared directly at Nina and then, she got up and made her way to Nina, not caring one bit for the crumbs that trickled from her lips and onto her dress.
At least Nina wouldn’t have to hear-
“What the hell?!”
Alyssa had taken off her headphones as soon as she sat next to her. Nina reached to put them back on, but she just took them off again. Nina didn’t reach for them again.
She slid right next to Nina and whispered:
“Laughing Jack told me to kill the neighbor’s cat.”
So that would explain the red stains.
“And you did it?”
“I had to.”
But she always said that she had to do what he wanted. It was like she couldn’t say no to him.
“Are you telling me that the red stains on your nightgown are cat blood?”
“Precisely.”
Alyssa moved away from her, giving Nina back her personal space.
“Are you worried? Like, at all?” Nina asked.
Alyssa smiled as she bit into the school’s stale, frozen chocolate chip cookie.
“There’s nothing to worry about. If anything, we’re lucky. They chose us.” Alyssa said. Her voice was a little muffled from the cookie, but Nina was able to understand what she said.
“This isn’t normal.”
Alyssa put the half-eaten cookie on her tray. She wiped crumbs off her lips, eyes never losing their shine.
“I know that this isn’t normal, but that’s a good thing!” She said.
“You think so?”
“I know so.”
Nina never thought she was normal herself, but after seeing those stains and hearing her story, Nina didn’t know if being different was a good thing anymore.
Not if it meant that monsters could make them kill whenever they wanted.
End of chapter
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142,241 Literary Works • 677,072 Reviews
These fanfic chapters connect to this!
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter One: Car Ride]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Two: New house, old friends]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Three: Dinner thoughts]
Two cursed young girls:Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Four: Sleep?]
Two cursed young girls: Part One [Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Five: School]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Six: Odd individuals]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Seven: Creatures creeping]
Chapter Eight: Losses and lurkings (Part One) [Nina Alexandria Hopkins]
Two cursed young girls: Part One [Chapter Nine] [Nina Alexandria Hopkins]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Chapter Nine: Back home) Nina Alexandria Hopkins
Two cursed young girls: Nina Alexandria Hopkins (part one) [Chapter Ten-Getting time to kill]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Chapter Eleven: A sleep like Hell) [Nina Alexandria Hopkins]
Two cursed young girls: Part One [Nina Alexandria Hopkins] [Chapter Twelve: An invite from a friend]
Chapter Thirteen: Two cursed young girls (Part One) (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) (A call from the other side)
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) Chapter Fourteen: Time to go home
Ident News. A review is incoming. Switching to secure frequency now…
LOVE this line. This tells me that Nina identifies as "different" and has learned to be proud of it, and it's perhaps how she became friends with Alyssa in the first place, thinking they were kindred spirits... only for Nina to realize Alyssa is a whole different level of different! It's a great character moment and also pretty funny.Hello creeper, I’ll be reviewing using the CryCast template by @4revgreen today!
//ST4-W — AWAITING COLLECTION//
(first impressions, initial read)
I went back and read the last couple chapters to catch up on things a bit! I've definitely read parts of this story before but I still don't know the full context of everything in this scene. I do know that we had left Alyssa in the last chapter with her arm bleeding, but now she's back at school, presumably wearing the same dress she'd been wearing then, since it has dark blood stains all over it. We're in Nina's POV now. After a sleepless night, she's in an introspective mood and doesn't want to talk to Alyssa. Alyssa rather rudely removes Nina's headphones (twice!) and explains what caused the blood stains without Nina asking. Definitely feels forced, like she'd rehearsed this excuse. Nina's unease lingers.
//SIGNAL CLEAR ON 94.5//
(what’s working, strongest parts of the piece)
Nina's POV is really strong throughout this! It's great that we get to hear her impressions throughout the dialogue. The juxtaposition between Alyssa's unsettling cheeriness and Nina's unease is so good.
//RELAYS DOWN//
(weak points, things that broke the connection)
I have a couple small suggestions in the next section, but don't have any overall critiques! You always have a great grasp of your characters. The personalities/motivations of both girls came through very clearly here.
//FREQUENCY CHANGE REQUIRED//
(suggestions, things to consider revising)
I would definitely add a dialogue tag here! I wasn't sure who said this at first.
I would also consider removing the scene break! I think it would read more smoothly without it.
//BROADCAST ENDING — THANK YOU//
(closing thoughts)
This chapter catches the two friends at an interesting moment where they seem to be torn in two different directions. Alyssa is completely on board with the horrors/killings, and Nina isn't - not anymore, anyway. It feels like a turning point in the story is just around the corner where Nina will be expected to act a certain way or do a certain thing, and she backs out. I'm afraid for her! I feel like if you're friends with Jack/Jeff they won't kill you, but if you're not, they have no qualms with it... be careful, Nina!
I reread the author's note and see that someday she'll become Nina the Killer... whelp! Guess she's doomed to go down that path whether she likes it or not!
This has been CryCast. Stay safe out there. Crawlers have been sighted in the south of the city.
Thanks for reading! I’m glad you enjoyed this as much as I like writing their characters!
Bzz - hello, hello-bzz
A
Mothbee is here to review your work!
Pollinating
First impressions
It sure has been a while, huh! I hope you're doing well, Fever Dreams. Now, before I get into the nitty-gritty, I have to say congrats on getting published. That's huge! Without further Audo lets get into it shall we?
It seems I missed a lot between here and the ones I've reviewed before. However, I must say I dont mind being thrown in the deep end. Your work tends to be pretty easy to pick up and run with, and I think that's a very good strength for posting on forums like this. It also reminds me of the very creepypastas you write about, since those tend to be pretty self-contained but can have interlinking lore or plots you might not notice until you read other works.
When it comes to the work itself, things sure are heating up. Not only is the supernatural leaking in some not-so-literal creepy fever dreams ( Or are they!), but conflict seems to be brewing. Although I will save a lot of my deeper thoughts for the next part, I must say this budding arc seems to be heading towards some sort of tragedy. Not that I can be truly surprised; this is your writing after all, but my interest is forebodingly piqued, regardless.
Bee Buddies!
Opinion on Characters
Overall, I do think this is a turning point in Nina’s arc here. I will admit I haven't read the full series, so I might be missing a lot of the finer details and character moments, but this is interesting. In all the bits I've read so far, Nina has been on board and borderline fanatical when it comes to Jeff the killer, so her hesitating when it comes to killing in the name of someone is something I didn't expect, but it opens up tons of possibilities.
That’s not to say I don't like it. In fact, I really do. After all. It's very realistic, considering real fanatics turned killers never jump straight to killing; there tends to be an underlying delusion that may push normal people's boundaries. Furthermore, it creates this sense of a doomed narrative, as from the creepypasta’s name, we know what she will become.
Now all that's left is to see what will befall this poor girl to make her cross that line. Knowing you, it will be very grizzly, and I fear it will have to do with Alyssa and her own possible delusions. A part of me knows that these paranormal figures are real, but what a cruel fate it would be if their Laughing Jack wasn't the Laughing Jack.
Wasp Attack!
Critiques and Suggestions
After all that rambling, this section will be thankfully short. I must warn you it might be a bit nitpicky.
When it comes to line edits, I only really have one thing that leaps out at me.
This feels a bit stilted to me and I think it may read better if you connected these two together.
Now when it comes to just general feedback, I would maybe add a bit more detail to Nina's opening monologue. Maybe she's pacing or hears laughter every time she closes her eyes. I also feel you could hint to her doubts by having her think about contacting Alyssa but deciding against it.
Other than that, a part of me thinks I may have missed this due to not reading other parts, but if Alyssa had blood on her clothes, why wouldn't anyone smell it? Wouldn't Nina know the smell or blood if not firsthand but through research, being as obsessive as she is?
Queen Bee
Best parts
Regardless of those small things, I did have a pretty smooth reading experience. Don't worry, I won't go over all my character gushing again. I may be long-winded, but my hands refuse to type that out again, and I am not that long-winded. Rather, I will point out the small little details I enjoyed.
The first thing I really liked was the opening scene. Although I did recommend stuff above, it did a really good job at drawing me in! Even though I haven't read the last part, it not only gave me just enough context to attempt to fill in the blanks but also set up a mystery. The interaction between the “ kid” and Nina hinted at the start leaves me wondering if this is Laughing Jack or some other Creepypasta character. There are also many questions up in the air regarding what this figure wants with her.
Secondly, I do think adding Rockefeller Street was a nice touch. Either as a way to link back to the time period or just being a song a weird kinda outcast kid would listen too regardless of time. I should know, being said weird kinda outcast kid.
Honey Flavor
Closing thoughts
This was a very fun read and, honestly, a nice way to get back into reviewing. Thank you, by the way for sitting through this; I am admittedly a bit rusty. Happy revmo, and as always, remember to drink water and keep writing!
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Many people notice that Alyssa comes in all dirty, but nobody really addresses it. They don’t really talk to her.