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142,241 Literary Works • 677,072 Reviews
its so sad that it makes me wanna cry.
I think Snoink got it spot on--the one thing this poem is missing is subtlety. And a period at the end of the first stanza. Yes, that bothered me quite a lot. Also, the correlation with cat scratches was just weirdly worded. A gift from your cat? Hm. You can do better.
I liked it. Nice poem about being different and showing true feelings towards the world.
I must admit...rather intersting poem
Caught my attention quickly
However the flow of it is a little off
Other then that tone down a bit and it will be lovely
Hey Lucy, nice poem.
It's very emo, but when you think bout it, everyone feels like this at least once in their lifetime
Love the last stanza, especially the 'sin go with it' bit.
Great imagery too.
Nice
Oh my God.
I love this poem.
10/10.
omfg,
this is [s]awesome[/s] amazing!
lol,
oh.so.emo =]
so freakin dark.
man,you make me want to cut miiself now
______________________________________
does anyone have cutting utensils?
xD
Emotastic and extremely frightening.
Self mutilation, how did that become souch a popular topic? (Ooo, I need to write something about that.. and vlog it too!)
I don't have to enjoy it to tell you that it was well written.
But it was.. well written.
[Tries to reach for that one last glimmer of happiness, then it's gone, swallowed by the giant they call... EMO]
Now, this is personal preference but I didn't like that this was so.. depressing; it had way too much emotion in, and I don;t usually say that about poetry. Rethink this if you want to appeal to everyone, but this is just my own personal preference, so maybe I'm being selfish when I say that.
The structure was good and I could work with it well and as for the imagery, that was okay too.
But, the rhythm and flow was just skewed all the way through, I felt and it stopped aburptly in some places, making it jerk and jump in places.
Hope this helps.
I would agree that it almost seems cliched. It's a touchy topic, bit gory, so maybe you could have toned down the description and focused more on the expression, the words you used, played more at the emotions.
The Incan Shark strikes again, lol!
When dealing with cutting, it's best to be subtle about it. I've seen a lot of poems dealing with blood and how it flows out the skin and everything, but there are so many poems like that, this poem almost seems cliched. Which is kinda bad.
So just be subtle about it. Think about suicide and what could actually prompt these feelings... they're more sophisticated than this way you put it. And good luck!
ok...
i dont want sympathy but alright.
Little-Lucy--
This is glorified junk -- a heavy-handed appeal for sympathy from a one-dimensional cartoon character. The images are hackneyed and the last strophe is the stuff of parody.
This is not worth any effort at editing.
All the best,
Brad
lol, yeah I know.
very,very,very,very,......emo