A Soul Waiting for Its Autumn.

I enjoyed this. The comparison between the speaker and the sky works especially well. The idea that the sky can cry openly while the speaker cannot gives the opening a strong sense of vulnerability. I liked the progression from the dancing leaf to the final line about waiting for autumn. The leaf is seen as beautiful, but it is not happy; it has no choice but to move with the wind. This makes it an effective metaphor for the speaker.

A few parts could be tightened. The first sentence is quite long and contains several ideas, so breaking it up could give each thought more impact. “A loser with no failure, a winner with no achievement” is interesting, but the contradiction could be developed further. The ending is the strongest part of the poem because returning to the leaf metaphor gives the piece a sense of completion instead of simply repeating the same idea of sadness.

Thank you for this read.

Hia. I’m not particularly well-versed in poetry (don’t let Alex tell you differently) but for the After Watch I’m willing to make an exception!

Ohh I was wondering how you gonna bring the sky smiling to head but yeah, if rain is the sky crying… That works really well. I guess the sky is just super read to show us all their emotions on full display. I suppose nice weather is the sky being content, then? :3

Well… at least you think that you’re a human. That is… something. I’m really sad for the narrator. I believe just being able to observe the sky like this, making statements like this, already gives them something unique!

but no one realized the leaf is not happy

Hey moon, first off I want to offer a warm welcome to the site! I always love to see new poets join, and was happy to see you've already been posting some really nice poetry for us to check out - keep writing! Hope you stick around!

Now on to your poem -

My interpretation of the poem is that the speaker is struck by the similarities / differences between them and Autumn (specifically Autumn Leaves) they see the vulnerability in Autumn's display of emotions, while they feel distant and maybe even dissociated from what's going around... they find some connection further with leaves in thinking that just as they have hidden sorrow, leaves also are maybe sorrowful as they fall. The poem ends in thinking maybe they are just waiting for their autumn like the leaves do.

I thought your concept was really interesting and intriguing as it brought some comparisons about seasons and leaves that had never crossed my mind! I also really resonated with the idea about letting tears flow being an act of bravery and power! (That's something I truly agree with! Our emotions aren't weaknesses they are signs of the strength of our heart and compassion!)

Now I think something that could be fleshed out a bit more is the connection between the losses that the speaker describes and just how that connects to Autumn... I could see loneliness / failure / sadness all having comparisons to waiting, absence, cool-weather etc, but you don't quite make those connections within the poem for the reader they are only implied.

I think also connecting the first half with the poem (contrasting the speaker to Autumn) and then connecting that a little more clearly to the second half (comparing the speaker to Leaves) will help the message have a bit more clarity and punch too.

Finally, I think a little more fall imagery throughout would be a welcome addition to make this message stick!

Overall, I love your unique take! And really hope that you see posting poetry as something that is also brave and powerful and something worthy of celebrating sharing your voice! Thanks for sharing your poem here, keep on writing more!

A

Aww, big hugs with consent. I hope your soul heals fully, and may you find light along your journey. This poem contains pure raw emotion, kudos to you lovely poet! Keep bleeding!