I would compare you to the spring that I waited for through a burning summer.
You can call me a fool for waiting an entire lifetime for a spring that may never come to me, but I am ready to be a fool if you are the one calling me that.
I am still waiting in the warm summer, sitting beneath a tree that no longer feels cool, because I am waiting for that one gentle breeze to touch my caramel skin.
When will you touch me?
Until then, I will keep waiting for my spring, no matter how long the summer lasts.
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142,248 Literary Works • 677,083 Reviews
Hey moon!!♡ i just read ur beautiful work and i really love how u have used the seasons to portray ur pining. Comparing a person to the idea of spring..... after a burning summer is such a gorgeous sentiment to share.
My favorite part was the line "you can call me a fool for waiting an entire lifetime for a spring that may never come to me." It encapsulates such a bittersweet emotion..... of hope that can only burn out with the passing of time.
I thought it was very lovely how u showed that the tree no longer held the coolness that it once did. It almost shows that the idea of spring only holds a hope.... that is only given to u by one person. The way that u asked the question "when will you touch me?" is so heartwrenching and beautiful.
I think u could develop the imagery of the spring a little more, maybe showing the passage of time.
It is a very lovely piece that leaves the reader with bittersweet thoughts of hope. Lovely work!♡
~lilly♡ the fire dragon
Hi Moon! It's Jade here, back to review another one of your works! Spring is my favorite season, so your poem caught my eye. Let's get into it!
This line starts off very strong, instantly placing the reader into the emotions of the setting. I would suggest maybe writing something like, through the harsh, cold winter for example. Summer feels like a disjointed word, as one has to then wait through autumn and winter. It may flow better if you change the wording or restructure your phrase! Maybe you mean in a nostalgic sense, as we miss spring during summer, but it remains unclear throughout the poem.This line is so sweet! I really enjoy the simplistic love it shows.
Why are we in summer? I would suggest adding more details or imagery to place us better. We know the emotions and scene through the first line, but expanding on why it's summer, why you're waiting, why the person we are waiting for is considered "spring." I think reviewing that would make this poem much stronger and more understandable!
I really liked this poem, though, and think it has great potential. It was short, yet bittersweet.
I can't wait to read more from you!
Jade
Short but sweet. Enjoyable little read but feels like it could have been bulked out a little more in some places.