Until now, I thought the window loved the curtains. But now, I feel like the breeze loves the curtains more, because it always waits until the window is opened just to touch them. But the curtains never loved the breeze, because they were only meant to be inside the window. Yet the window secretly loved the rain. It always waited for the rain, wanting its drizzle to touch the window glass, leaving little drops like kiss marks. But the poor window didn't know the rain never loved the window and its glass —it was just the clouds' way of kissing the earth. Still, the innocent dust loved the window and its glass selflessly. It would vanish because of the rain, again and again. And yet, the dust would always look for another reason to be with it. And here I am, sitting and looking at it, smiling because the dust also doesn't know that we both are in the same boat.
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142,252 Literary Works • 677,086 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the daunting S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - In a simple room, there is a window, where the curtains move with the breeze. But they all want more than they can ever achieve.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like how all the different objects love another but don’t realize that it’s not reciprocated, because love can feel so arresting that it’ll make you fall for people who don’t love you. And then the ending with the dust and the person ended it nicely, because they both still strive for the one they love even though it will never happen. It’s just hopeful.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely short story about love! I have enjoyed reading this and if you wish to make more, then you may. But this is perfectly fine on its own, to picture the rain and the dust and the breeze like a space floating in time. And now…
I wish you a marvelous day/night! ^v^
Thank you! Check my other peoms
you’re welcome!
Hey, moon! I enjoyed reading "Innocent love". I loved how you managed to transform an ordinary window, curtains, rain, breeze, dust into a sequence of unreturned loves. It's so innocent at first glance, but the more you read, the more you realize how every object seems to love something that cannot love them back.
was one of my favorites. I loved how you personified the breeze waiting patiently to touch the curtains. It's such a lovely thought for an innocent love.
Another part that I loved was
I think it's really lovely how you made the window think that the rain is kissing it. But the saddest part is that the rain has no intention of even loving the window.
But, for me, the dust was the most lovable one. The fact that it disappears every time because of the rain but still manages to find a new reason to come back made me love it even more.
And the last part that I want to discuss is the end of the poem where you compare the narrator and the dust
I loved how in the end everything ties up so nicely. The narrator now understands the dust and loves it just the same as the dust loves them.
My only remark would be to shorten some of the long sentences to make the descriptions more vivid. Overall, I thought that the poem was lovely and very innocent in its concept, and I loved how you managed to make it not sound sappy or overdone.
Lovely work!<3
~hira♡
Thank you so much.
It's such a seamless mix of sweetness and tragedy, moon 🌙
Thank you, check my other peoms
Ouu sure 🍥
😁