They think I'm so happy and always smiling, but no one knows that I died from inside and my heart rusted long ago.
No one knows that I'm sitting alone in the dark with a small hope of entering the light.
No one knows that sometimes my eyes become an ocean, and my cheeks get wet, that are never going to dry.
No one knows that my soul aches all the time with the hope of getting peace, like I want to separate my soul from my body and bury it deep in the soil.
My life is straight, yet not my footsteps.
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142,272 Literary Works • 677,108 Reviews
Your poem is beautiful and relatable.
Tqsm check my other poems too
They think I'm so happy and always smiling, but no one knows that I died from inside and my heart rusted long ago.
This sounds like a line that I've heard so many times.My poor heart😭😭😭😭😭😭. I understand how it feels like to be dead inside.It's hard enough to turn someone into a villain.
No one knows that I'm sitting alone in the dark with a small hope of entering the light.
Sitting alone in the dark is something I've been doing for over a month.It's nice to feel the old friend the dark.
:3
&
Both of these quotes are my favorite. Just like in the other review I did, this is another real poem to me.
I want to just print these off and stick them in my room because that's how much they mean to me.
You give the reader the feelings and like I said before, is this just for poetry? Or is it part of you too?
~ Jaye.
Both
It's a raw and compelling piece, Moon. The image of sitting alone in the dark while holding "a small hope of entering the light" creates a quiet, reflective tone. It balances sorrow with a persistent desire for healing and peace.
You sound so used to the cliché world by the wordings, someone who'd have a facade as a shield on them. This poem did deliver the crushed feelings. I love how poems can tell so much about a person and give them a vulnerable kind of beauty. "Eyes as the ocean" is such an excellent comparison, and describing a heart that "rusted long ago" works exceptionally well because rust implies a slow, wearing process over time rather than a sudden break. It gives the emotional pain a real sense of history, weight, and quiet depth.
The line about wanting to separate the soul from the body and bury it deep in the soil vividly conveys that overwhelming desire for rest, quiet, and relief from internal tension. You sounded like you were holding the pain that burned gently throughout the piece.
The closing line—"My life is straight, yet not my footsteps"—is a brilliant paradox to end on. It neatly captures that disconnect between how structured life appears on the surface versus the unsteadiness felt inside. We imitate nature seamlessly in how we process these heavy emotions, and exploring that gap between inner thoughts and external expectations is always compelling. Overall, this piece carries a really deep, artistic, and thoughtful resonance. Keep writing!
Thank you
I love the style of the poem. It is short but the words land right where they need to and every word choice does exactly what the writer meant it to. The poem makes you reflect about memories and honestly it is great. Keep more coming!!!
Thank you
I enjoyed this poem. The repeated “No one knows” works well because it gives the poem a confessional, almost claustrophobic feeling, as though the speaker keeps revealing another layer of what they hide. I liked “sometimes my eyes become an ocean,” since it gives the sadness a simple but effective image. The final line, “My life is straight, yet not my footsteps,” is my favorite. It feels more ambiguous than the rest of the poem.
My main critique would be to work on some of the phrasing and imagery so the emotions feel less directly stated. Lines like “I died from inside” and “my soul aches all the time” communicate the feeling clearly, but they are familiar expressions, so giving them a more personal image could make them hit harder. The poem repeats the same idea of hidden sadness several times. Developing that idea rather than restating it could give the poem more progression. There is a strong emotional foundation here; making the imagery more specific to this speaker would make it feel even more personal.
Thank you for this read.
this was such a beautiful poem, it was short but still hit super hard, especially for me since i can relate to it
I really like the ocean line and how at least from my impression you implied that you wanted to be released from this life or body with "entering the light" and "separate my soul from my body and bury it deep in the soil"
it could just be me, but I found the last line a little confusing with the footsteps part, but I think I might just be missing what it implies. it felt unresolved but I honestly liked it and it made sense with the topic of this poem. overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem, it was awesome, but I'm sorry you feel that way
Aww thank you so much. Ahh about that last line i can explain you if you want. And read my other works too
@ArdenJinn likes this work I see
🙂