what will i lose when i don't cry, what will i have when i cry?
what will i lose when i don't smile, what will i have when i smile?
what will i lose when i don't miss you, what will i have when i miss you?
what will i lose when i don't like you, and what will i have when i like you?
- Me:)
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142,241 Literary Works • 677,072 Reviews
☁ Your poem captures that exact, frustrating feeling of overthinking every single emotion before you even let yourself feel it ☁️. It reads like a late-night note written straight from the heart, where you're just trying to weigh the cost of opening up to someone 🔅.
The repetitive flow of "what will i lose... what will i have..." makes the whole piece feel like a real internal monologue 🐟. It shows how easy it is to get caught in a mental loop when you're just trying to figure out if being vulnerable is worth the risk ☀. Moving from broad feelings like crying and smiling down to specific ones like missing and liking someone gives it such a sweet, tender shift ☁️. It reveals that the real hesitation isn't just about emotions in general, but about how scary and special it is to care for a specific person 🔅. Keeping everything in simple, lowercase text gives it that raw, intimate vibe—like reading a private entry in a notebook or an unsent text 🐟.
It’s such a relatable, quiet piece about holding back, and it definitely stays with you after reading ☀.
Thank you so much
Hey there! Dropping by with a review :3
I like the concepts and ideas you bring out here but I would have liked to see everything fleshed out more. Also is
part of the poem? If you mean that what you lose or have is "me" or you then I do think that could be made a little clearer. And I do wish you would delve into the implications of such a conclusion. The idea that not doing something is as significant as doing it is definitely one that can be explored further.
I think the poem has good bare bones to act as a starting point for future writing or revisions of this poem itself but I would ask you to consider how can add some depth to what you have written. What's the context these questions being asked in? Why is not doing something necessarily a loss? Similarly why is doing something necessarily a gain? Is every action have to be so transactional? Can things not exist just because they can?
It would be a good idea to try and focus on the message you are trying to convey. But this is good start!
~ canopy
Good structure, and I personally love the beginning and end.
Short poems like these are always fun to write.
Thank you!!!